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Old 04-11-2010, 01:47 PM   #1
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need advice

Please help me understand a little more. I have been reading different sites all over the web and cannot get a consistant answer. In November a friend of mine who has schizophrenia told me her family was kicking her out because they could not "deal" with her illness anymore. After calming down, I called my husband and told him we need to let her move in. He agreed, knowing she and I had been friends for more than 4 years. I told her get in the truck we are getting you moved in my house. She was excited but told me she could not climb up the stairs to the guest bedroom. This time without calling my husband I told her we would move upstairs untill she got an apartment or we could figure out something better. We moved upstairs and moved her in our room within a week. We set up a few rules, like no smoking in the house (I have asthma) and clean up after yourself. Since she only gets a ssi check I told her she has access to anything in the house just if she has a chance, replace it. The first month went great, she even offered to pay rent. Then she started to smoke in the house and got mad when i asked her to atleast open the window or stand by the door. She started to stay in her room and not come out so when she went to the doctor they adjusted her meds which seemed to be working fine untill about a month and a half ago. Now it seems like she does not have any consideration for anyone else. I make dinner everynight for the three of us and she will take food off of our plate instead of getting up to get more. Or at times if I make pot roast or something in the crock pot while my husband and I are at work, she will eat it all. Not leaving us with anything for dinner but a sandwich. If I go grocery shopping and bring any type of candy or snack in the house she will eat it all in one night when we go to bed. She has not bought any groceries for herself or the house. I sometimes work midnight shift so when I get home I try to take a nap. She will keep banging around, I even caught her dropping pans to see if I would come down stairs and make her something to eat. She admitted it to me. She will go days without showering, and leaves her clothes by the washer floor for me to wash. We have not said anything to her. I dont know if this is part of the illness. Some of the material I have read say yes it is and some of it says no, its not. I am not going to make her leave here without anywhere to go, but should I say something about her behavior? I do not mean to "paint" a bad image of her, she is a very sweet lady. She would normally do anything for you with out even thinking twice. She is a good friend and that is why she is still here. We have done what we can for her, but it feels like now we are being taken advantage of. My husband is really getting aggravated with it and we are looking for answers of why she is doing this. Should we sit and talk to her? Or just let it ride because she cannot help it. Thanks for any advice given. Have a great day!

 
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Old 04-11-2010, 06:05 PM   #2
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mes219 HB User
Re: need advice

Hi.. Well I honestly think what you are doing is a very genuinely sweet thing. But at the cost of you and you're husband's happienss? I really think you should talk to her.
Some things if not all seem like she is being very disrespectful. I wouldn't be able to understand either. I mean she should be greatful that you guys took her in and not try to cause problems.
I'm not sure because everyone is different and alot of schizophrenics cannot take care of themselfs..even on meds. I think your friend should have more compassion and consideration for you two. You should tell her and ask her why she cannot take care of herself.? Ask her or really just tell her that you cannot take care of her when you already have alot of other repsonsablities. Not that it matters but may I ask the age of your friend? I would find out what has changed from the first month of her living with you till now.? Keep open communication with her and tell her to let you know how she feels about her actions.? I would make sure she knows you are not judging her or anything but just wanting to understand why she does the things she does.
I hope I was able to give you some good insight.

FYI, I was diagnoised with schizophrenia when I was 19. It's been an up and down battle but I am now striving to be the best I can be. I live with my parents and boyfriend. Because I feel right now I still cannot make it on my own. I am 22. Someday I know though it I keep at it and stay strong I can someday provide for myself.
I hope someday your friend can feel the same.

May you be guided to do the right things and say the right things.. because it seems you really want this to work out. I know all you are trying to do is help her. But you shouldn't take on the role of being a figure like her mom. Because your not, you're her friend. Just remember that. I think Ive said enough. Good luck with figuring out what to do.

 
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