I have depression and anxiety that has been diagnosed. I am not on my meds for lack of ability to pay for them. I'm having a real hard time concentrating and problems with thinking all these bad things are going to happen. I logged/tried to log into some chats but I started thinking someone would get my info and come and hurt me. Finally going to post here as I don't know what to do but I know I'm thinking irrationally but I can't stop. I put on a good face for my wife and kid but inside I am torn up with fear. I don't want people to think I'm crazy or an unfit parent. No one would know this stuff about me if they met me as I keep it all inside. I don't understand why I am having irrational fears of people being out to get me.
Just the other night I heard a sound outside and figured it was someone who wanted to rob our house or hurt my family so I stayed up til 2am looking out windows. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Thursday FINALLY after having these feelings for 2.5 weeks and this was the soonest he could get me in.
I'm just trying to get a grip on things til then. It's hard. More then anything I just need to talk it out and rationalize with myself. Let me know that the world is not out to get me.
In the last few weeks I've lost all motivation at work.(I used to be a workaholic), I just stare and think about stuff. I can't focus, I can't sleep, I think every creak or sound at night is a thief or murderer. I've made it this far til the appointment but it keeps getting worse and worse.
Last edited by Nwmsubearcat; 04-26-2010 at 05:07 PM.
I'm not a medical professional or psychiatrist so this is just my opinion, I could be totally wrong but I think personally that it could be the anxiety, rather than schizophrenia, you seem to have the fear of someone invading your safe space/ your comfort zone, for example someone who has your details, or someone outside/in your house. You obviously care about your family a great deal, which is lovely, and your fears will worsen because you want them safe too.
I'm like this all the time, I won't even venture into my own garden incase someone is down the side of the house who is going to hurt me or my family, and it's simply because this is MY safe space, my comfort zone and I am simply terrified of anyone being in it!
I have similar kinds of fears, frequently think people are plotting against me, doing things to trick me, hacking into my computer, etc.. Yes, it is just paranoia. None of it is real. Just hang in there until you see your psychiatrist. You know your paranoid so that's good. Even though all the things are scaring you, and I know how real they can seem, none of it can hurt you. Your doctor will be able to help.
I have schizo-affective disorder, which is a cross between bipolar and schizophrenia. I have some idea of what you are feeling, I think. For years I was in and out of the hospital and I refused to tell people the truth about what was going on because I didn't want them to use it against me and for the fear that they would hurt me if they knew. Finally I found a good doctor, but it is still a struggle to be honest with her. One of these days... All I can say is to be honest. Some people will not understand, but most will at least try. Like said, be honest and have faith that someone WILL understand.
I get irrational paranoid thoughts all the time too! And it gets worse and worse the more I think about it. The other day I was consumed with thoughts that this particular person is out to get me, by making my life worse, telling people I am a fake, or telling my parents and friends that I am a crazy lier that just wants attention and lie about my problems and I am no good of a person. And I keep worrying about how I can get around those things they will do to me.
I thought to myself why am I thinking this way to drive me nuts within a matter of minutes! Then I thought, it is because I am always afraid of what people think of me. Ever since I was a child my parents acted on judgements of what they thought of me and it was never true! So I grew up being scared all the time that I would get scolded over something I did not do wrong or get punished over a bad personality trait I did not have. My parents are always making judgements over me over things they don't understand. I am always in survival mode over being treated by other people unfairly. And all my life I never got any assurance that I was a good person, and that I was okay.
So now, the slightest thing will make me think people are out to get me or punish me because they think I am a bad person or something about me is wrong. And I start to be afraid of everyone and start to hate them. If I just didn't care what other people think than I wouln't have these paranoid thoughts! But I can't help it, it's too hard!