First time user so hello to everyone. Can be interactive with others as long as I can control the situation I'm in, but always feel better when I'm alone in my own safe place where I don't have to deal with anyone. Finaly got so bad with anxiety and anger issues I am off work and on FMLA to keep from getting fired. Started phsycotherapy last week, had wife go with me to convince her that I don't hate her, I just want to be alone where I don't bother anyone and no one will bother me. Don't really have depression issues, but have been diagnosed with depression for the past three years. Kind of explains why anti-depressants had no effect. I don't have an axe to grind with anybody, I just would rather be by myself. Is that so bad? I stay busy(yes I am compulsive-obsessive) keeping the house in good shape (yes can do all the work myself) keep myself cleaned up, and am very self sufficient. So what's the problem besides the fantasies, the yearning for companionship, wishing I could take my grandson to places he would really enjoy without me having an anxiety attack because of all those strangers around me.
Yes, it's a wonderful life-both of them. Am curious about how others like me feel and how you cope. Thanks in advance.
I am also very anxious of situations I can't control. I deal with bad thoughts in my head that people hate me everywhere I go, and I get angry inside also but I have nothing against anyone.
First I acknowlegde the feelings and thoughts that they are real and I am having them. the trick is not to deny them or beat yourself up for having them. Then with all your strenght and will tell yourself you are not going to listen to the bad thoughts/feelings and do the things you really wanted to do, like spending time with your grandson.
It was hard for me, I have to stop and catch myself almost every few minutes at times because my mind is going haywire with thoughts, bad thoughts about myself or others. I am still dealing with this bad thought process of mine but it is getting better. Now if somethig upsets me in the begining of the day I am not consumed by horrible thoughts for the rest of the day, just maybe for an hour or less.
It takes time to change the thought process to finally enjoy life and get out there! hang on, you can do it, don't give up!
My father had schizoid personality and frankly I don't know how he dealt with it. After his divorce with my mother he did nothing outside of work and I just wonder how he was able to work to the age of 62. He was a good hearted person usually. I tried to change him though and that frustrated him a lot. My brother used to get on me all the time by telling me to leave him alone because he was living the way he wanted to.
It was truely a sickness, though. Im schizoafective and can recall some psychosis in his behavior a couple of times. Not that it was psychotic, but he hated work. Coming home was like a sanctuary to him. I had to live with him at certain times over my life because of my illness and his behavior could be inapproiate towards me to try and make me leave the house. I pressured him because of who he was. I wish I could go back and change that now that I have more insight (thanks to your letter). But he could be cruel to me even when I was a little kid. He was a strange brew....what can I say.
Not offended at all. Iget days when i'm not sure who I really am. As for your dad I'm sure deep down he cared for you very much, but people with this condition have a hard time with our emotions. I can care about people and not want to be around them at the same time. Strange brew indeed.