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Old 06-26-2010, 06:36 AM   #1
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Stu 687 HB User
I've just been diagnosed with a thought disorder and am in need of some serious help.

After many months of testing my doctor has come to the conclusion that I have a thought disorder. We don't know what type yet but we should know in a couple of weeks after I undergo my sleep study and a few other tests.

One of the major symptoms my doc noticed was thought derailment. Evidently I switch from one topic to another with no real reason motivating it. As a matter of fact, I never know when I do this, but it is evidently apparent to others.

I am very worried that my condition has impaired my ability to effectively communicate with others, and that my thinking and speech patterns will only worsen over time.

I've lost some cognitive abilities. For that I am certain, and I am terrified TBH. I am so lonely even though I have close friends. I just feel like I'm in a world of my own most of the time despite being around those I love. Every day is the same to me. I don't get excited over anything, nor do I get sad when bad news is given; I just get angry and recede into myself.

I have perpetual visual hallucinations (floaters, hazy vision, walls look fuzzy, etc.), but no audible ones. Even so, they are distracting to say the least. I also have chronic nightmares full mostly of Eraserhead-type psychotic imagery.

I'm on mood stabilizers now, and they help a bit, but I don't think I'll ever get back to baseline. Besides, the mood stabilizers only level me out. I am never happy, and that's what I want more than anything. But if I can't communicate with others (or with myself for that matter) what is left? I would have no reason to live.

For those who have suffered through this what should I do? Will my visual hallucinations ever go away? Will I ever get back to baseline? I just want to be normal again. Please help... I am so scared.

Any questions please don't hesitate to ask.

Thank you.

 
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Old 06-26-2010, 12:18 PM   #2
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Re: I've just been diagnosed with a thought disorder and am in need of some serious h

Usually for a thought disorder, they will put you on an antipsychotic medication, and they really do help for that, they clear your thinking very well. If it helps at at all, in your posting here, your writing is very clear and organized well, no derailment or anything. Also, for your inability to feel any happiness, I think that is called anhedonia. Have you tried antidepressants? Because mood stabilizers may not really help that.

I understand the loneliness. I have that very bad too. I will keep returning to this forum if you want to write more. It is helpful to find others who understand each other's suffering. And nice to meet you.

 
Old 06-26-2010, 01:32 PM   #3
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Re: I've just been diagnosed with a thought disorder and am in need of some serious h

Quote:
Originally Posted by cerajoan View Post
Usually for a thought disorder, they will put you on an antipsychotic medication, and they really do help for that, they clear your thinking very well. If it helps at at all, in your posting here, your writing is very clear and organized well, no derailment or anything. Also, for your inability to feel any happiness, I think that is called anhedonia. Have you tried antidepressants? Because mood stabilizers may not really help that.

I understand the loneliness. I have that very bad too. I will keep returning to this forum if you want to write more. It is helpful to find others who understand each other's suffering. And nice to meet you.
Thank you for your post. It is nice to meet you as well. My name is "Jared" BTW. I don't like this "Stu 687" nonsense. I just forgot my UN and PW and had to reset. lol.

Yes, I have taken many, many antidepressants over the years in every class (SSRIs, NDRIs, SNRIs, etc.). I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder when I was 16 and, with the exception of a 2 year stint, have been on medication ever since (I'm 23 now). No antidepressant has ever helped to any noteworthy degree... even before I developed this psychotic disorder ~ 3 years ago.

I've seen at least a dozen psychiatrists and have been diagnosed with several disorders, but have never been properly treated. Now I'm at a very, very nice clinic and see a team of doctors who have been testing me hard to try and find out what's really going on in my brain. I trust these doctors. There are none more reputable in my state or the surrounding area.

I'm on Trileptal now, along with a low dose of Seroquel XR at night and clonazepam in the morning and at night, and they do help. I am no longer as paranoid as I once was and am not suicidal anymore, with the exception of a few minutes after I wake up from my nightmares, but after I swallow my meds I stabilize. I've been on Abilify before, but it did not help and actually caused severe cramping in my neck and back. Hopefully once I'm officially diagnosed I'll start taking antipsychotics that actually help me.

The psychiatrist who prescribes me my meds (I don't know the official term for him. ) thinks that if Trileptal doesn't start helping enough I should go on Depakote, an then if the Depakote doesn't work I should go on lithium, and then if THAT doesn't work I should undergo ECT, which I'm actually not too afraid of TBH. However, I suppose it's really all up in the air until I am officially diagnosed, and he definitely wants to wait for an official diagnosis before I undergo any invasive treatment.

BTW, I've never had any delusions other than some pretty severe hypochondriasis about a year ago, so I probably don't have schizophrenia I don't think. But, honestly, I don't know if delusions are a necessary symptom to classify someone as schizo, so maybe. Who knows?

Thank you so much for your response. It's given me some much needed hope.

Other questions or comments are more than welcome.

Last edited by Stu 687; 06-26-2010 at 01:40 PM.

 
Old 06-27-2010, 07:18 PM   #4
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cerajoan HB Usercerajoan HB User
Re: I've just been diagnosed with a thought disorder and am in need of some serious h

That's very good that you have a quality team of doctors, that can be hard to find sometimes. Yes, I can see you've tried a lot of medications. I've been through that. Once time, several years ago, I was getting discouraged because several medications had failed. The doctor picked up the huge PDR book of medications and said, "There's lots more to try!" So I think he wanted me to remember not to get discouraged.

That's good too that you're seeing some improvement in not being suicidal and your paranoia is better. Those are big ones to have under control. I still struggle with paranoia quite a bit, but while it generates fear, it doesn't reach delusional proportions so I feel it is something I live with because I don't want to increase my medication.

I don't think you need to have delusions to be diagnosed with schizophrenia. If you have a thought disorder and it makes it hard for you to judge reality, that may be enough.

I think you're doing good, Jared. I wonder if your visual problems could be from your meds. I used to have visual blurriness when I was on Cogentin, which I took to stop some of the side effects from the antipsychotics. I also have floaters now.

Keep hanging in there!

 
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