About 5 years ago I started having these horrible thoughts of hurting someone close to me. For months on end these thoughts took over my life, and because of them I became convinced I was becoming schizophrenic.
Then finally one day the thoughts began to fade, and with them the fear of schizophrenia also disappeared.
Then suddenly in November of last year, the thoughts of hurting someone returned out of the blue, but instead of thinking it was schizophrenia, I became stuck on the idea that I was a psychopath.
I spent day after day online looking up information on Psychopathy/AsPD/Sociopathy and had myself convinced I fit the criteria perfectly. I was all ready to go have myself committed, when I happened to stumble upon a website on schizophrenia, and just like that the fear of Psychopathy went away and I was once again plagued by this gut wrenching fear of developing schizophrenia.
Since that day a few months ago, when the fear of schizophrenia came back, I've started having delusions. The thing is however, I'm not sure if they are delusions or me just obsessing over common delusions that a person with schizophrenia might have, and trying to convince myself I believe them as well...
I don't know if that made any sense at all so I'm going to try to give an example of what I am talking about.
Ex: I KNOW that thought insertion, thought broadcasting, aliens implanting cameras etc... Are all completely illogical and irrational, but I will find myself thinking
"What if I believe that people could insert thoughts into my mind" and of course I will tell myself that it is completely illogical, but it almost seems like a small part of me believes it, and I will then start doubting my sanity.
One more thing about these thoughts: The thoughts themself don't scare me, I mean in all honesty I could not care less if the goverment was watching me, or someone could read my mind... What scares me is having the thought in the first place...
I don't know if any of what I just wrote makes sense (Another thing that has been bothering me lately, I'm afraid I'm exhibiting signs of Formal THought disorder as well), but if you can understand it, does it sound like Schizophrenia? Or severe Anxiety/OCD?
I would have to agree with Cerajoan, not Schizophrenia. My grandmother has Anxiety issues as well. Always thinking something physically is wrong. She's had tests, after tests, after tests, nothing is ever found. Not trying to minimize what your feeling isn't real, but its not the same as Schizophrenia.
anxiety disorder,i had the same issue.Your brain is just cycling again,if you really think about it anxiety is very boring there is so more out there.Do yourself a favor and indulge yourself into someone eles problems and keep very busy.By helping others your brain wil heal itself and stop thinking about yourself.
This I think will help you, basicly what I say in this piece is that all thoughts come and go, one must stop identifying with thoughts and stop believing thoughts for thoughts are illusions and not reality. please read the link.