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Old 08-27-2010, 08:31 PM   #1
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What is this in my head?

i have delusional moments ALL the time.. i make up scenarios in my head that are WAAAAY off from truth or even reality and something makes me believe it.. like i will believe anything my mind makes up.. but i know that i shouldn't think those thoughts so i talk myself down.. but there is another part of me that holds on tight to those thoughts.. im paranoid 24/7 that something is going to happen to me... or to my loved ones.. i think the worst possible thing EVER. that not anyone can even think of on the spot in such explicit detail and graphic. and once i tell someone about what im thinking it puts me in a mood... and people tell me to STOP thinkin like that it's so false, how can you think of stuff like that..

i'm scared that im going to be left alone... or be "abandoned" in a sense that i have to have someone close to me sometimes physically but mostly mentally.
i sometimes wish i wasn't on this planet... and think of how the world would be without me in it... and see no difference at all... when in REALITY, my family would be terribly upset and my friends... but something forces those "impulsive thoughts" against me.... and it scares me sometimes when i catch myself doing it

sometimes(4 days out of the week) i feel depressed... and feel like i'm nothing.. like i'm worthless.. and then the next day i feel fine... withouit having any thoughts about the day before.. it's like it's almost how my body functions/works/ thinks everyday of my life.

when im around different people i have different personality...like for instance i can be talking about a certain subject and agree withsomeone and share my thoughts on why i agree.. then i could be talking about that subject or even thinking about that subject another day and totally disagree.. and it's weird... because i mean it when i go back and forth like that.. when i switch back and forth to liking something or not liking something, or agreeing with something or not agreeing with something.... i absolutely 100 % mean it... and i don't judge myself daily... i don't take notes on myself daily. it's just beause i was talking to my mom about it today... and by each day i keeeop feeling more and more out of it... so to speak.

"my concious" tells me how everything will play out.. and i don't want to believe that.. but it takes over sometimes and it brings me down... and i can't help but feel whatever "my concious" is telling me

when i go out i have a bad habit of stealing things..... and it gives me such a great feeling.. but whenever i go out anywhere i think that there is an underccover person that knows who i am and can tell by my body language or face that i stole something.. and knows that i have been doing something bad... even if i havn't STOLEN ANYTHING!!!!

I'm upset that this might be something serious... my doctor thinks I have something close to Borderline Personality Disorder (he isn't sure yet) but I'm also nervous about telling him what is destroying my normal thoughts... i dont know why.. i feel like he won't believe me.. or maybe he will tell me something like "Get a life" or something like that.. but would a doctor say that? I don't know.. my brain makes up stupid scenarios like that and it won't end up good. Heeelp :\
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Old 08-29-2010, 05:16 PM   #2
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Re: What is this in my head?

somebody please respond...
Last night while I was laying down I heard a voice.. it was so crisp and clear it was so real.. i tried to ignore it and went to sleep. i woke up and was thinking about it and i couldn't believe it. i can hear my thoughts playing out in my head but never once have i heard a voice. what does this mean??? i'm tryin to tell myself it was just me aout to fall asleep and i was just dreaming but i wasn't asleep yet and i had the chills and just talked myself down..

my boyfriend was talking to me todya and was crying... and told me that i really need to get help. he kept begging me and told me that he was going to put a green warrant on me...if i didn't get help.. what is this in my head!??! what's going on.. i never thought something so serious could be happening to me..

__________________
God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the People I cannot change,
The courage to change the one I can,
And the wisdom to know the one is me.

 
Old 08-30-2010, 10:47 AM   #3
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Re: What is this in my head?

It doesn't sound like schizophrenia, I don't know how to help, it sounds like you are in a lot of pain. Maybe some medication would help you, and kind people.

 
Old 10-18-2010, 07:51 PM   #4
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Re: What is this in my head?

Hey carly I hope you read this. I found out that I have Paranoia personailty disorder. This disorder deals with delusions causing me to feel paranoid. I know what you are going through. I too, just hated myself at night but would wake up and go through life without asking for help. I have foought it everyday for three years. I know am fighting it my hardest and it has taken its toll. I have questioned everything I say which is not recommended by my concious. But, if your gonna be dumb you better be tough. But, trust me I am just as confused, I have given up a lot of times. But, the only thing that is keeping me going is the fact that I do believe in heaven and hell, and I know what normalcy feels like. I am striving to accomplish those goals. My best advice is to start opening up to people and let them help you and look for a doctor to help. Check out the Paranoid Personality disorder though, and try not to scare yourself. I will tell you about a dream that I had the other night... I can't go into detail cause I have forgotten that part.. but it was me and a group of people that were in some sort of ****** situation and I just remember seeing an old man with us and running up to him and asking "God," how do I find you? or How do I find serenity? He said, keep your mind open and your heart racing. To me at that moment felt like an amazing answer. It was nothing but a delusion it seems though. My mind is desperately seeking an answer. But, the delusional part of me still takes that message with me. I also have grandiose thinking. I also have dreams where I wake up thinking that I hear things and go back to sleep scared stiff. My mind is very scattered. I don't know.. this seems to be a disorder that I don't even understand, so I wish you the best of luck and I pray for you.

 
Old 11-11-2010, 01:16 PM   #5
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Re: What is this in my head?

I registered on this forum because I am very facinated by mental ilnesses and I also think I can help people that have them.

Read these words carefully because they are absolute truth.

Everything in your mind is an illusion, every thought is an individual perception on the world, this is why every person sees the world in a diffrent way. Thoughts come and thoughts go, thoughts become a problem if you identify with them. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS.

Ill give you an example:

If a thought comes into your mind that says "I am crazy" then in itself it is just a passing thought, BUT if you cling some validity to that thought and believe it, that thought for you becomes reality when infact it is not in the least reality.

This is in my opinion the biggest problem people with anorexia deal with, someone might have said something about their weight and they have put so much belief in that thought that they believe it themselves and this initial thought sparks a whole array of diffrent thoughts like: "she is right im a fat cow" or "I should get thinner look how fat I am" the mind never stops in someone with anorxia this is common because these problems mostly occur with people that think alot. People who do not think so much could hear this same statement and brush it off or not pay attention to it, people that do think much and believe there thoughts however are very receptive to these things

You say you make up highly unlikely scenarios and believe them, these scenarios are all in your head these are just thoughts nothing more nothing less, they do not exist in reality. You probebly think a whole lot and because you think alot you try to delve deeper into it all. Why do I think this? Why do these thoughts come into my mind? Is this me going crazy? I think im crazy etc etc etc...


Trust me please.

All your anxiety comes from your thoughts, what you need to do firstly is calm your mind and the way to do this is by meditation. You simply sit and you follow your breath consciously when ever a thought comes up you acknowledge the thought and go back to observing your breathing.

You do not get anxious with an arising thought because you know thoughts of all sorts come and go and have no bearing in reality, you ignore the thought and come back to your breath. The more and longer you will do this the more stable your mind will be because you will understand that though high activity in your mind is present it is simply conditioned thoughts. The biggest problem with mental issues is the losing ground with reality, this meditation method will bring you back to it but you must trust it.

Let me give you a little story:

A tree was standing beautifuly in a garden of a buddhist monk. One day the tree started getting ideas, the tree didn't want to stand in that particular spot anymore and it didn't like it when birds sat down on its branches. This caused the tree to become very anxious and nervous, the tree couldn't move or do anything and slowly began to go crazy with every passing day.

The tree had such a loud mind that it reached a climax, a point where no more activity could be experienced in the mind.

And suddenly the tree realized, that there is no thing to worry about, nothing to be scared or nervous about everything it needed was provided and it relaxed into the situation and realized that all that pain the tree was suffering was all induced by herself and that reality didn't make her suffer, but that she made herself suffer.

Reality isn't good nor bad, it just is, its our perception OF reality that makes it either way and our perception is created solely by passing thoughts to which we cling, so just let it all go, let it go and enjoy reality the way it was supposed to be enjoyed.

Did you know enlightenment is simply the realization of what one is, and in effect the abolishment of all thought conscious and subconcious, that is pure bliss, reality is pure bliss, it is our mental conditioning that makes it a hell.

I hope this helped, ask questions, and if you didn't understand anything I was trying to say thats no problem, but reading this will have planted some seeds in your mind.

Secular scientific society doesn't have a good approach to these mental ilnesses thats why the field of psychology has been interested in religions like buddhism, the true peace can only be obtained by those means, medication is only making a person calm and dull but the problem should be healed from inside the person and if it is healed a person will be that much stronger.

Last edited by 2akurate; 11-11-2010 at 01:21 PM.

 
Old 11-11-2010, 05:35 PM   #6
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Trism HB User
Re: What is this in my head?

"I registered on this forum because I am very facinated by mental ilnesses and I also think I can help people that have them."

I read a book once on playing the piano, that dosen't mean I'm qualified to give lessons.

"You say you make up highly unlikely scenarios and believe them, these scenarios are all in your head these are just thoughts nothing more nothing less, they do not exist in reality. "

To the bearer, delusions are indistinguishable from the physical world. Rather than mere passing thoughts, they are integrated into the person's world, with just as much (or more) weight attached to them. There is literally zero difference between having the delusion of "someone is coming to kill me because I wore a red shirt" and the rational thought of "I have to go to work tommarow morning".

"Reality isn't good nor bad, it just is, its our perception OF reality that makes it either way and our perception is created solely by passing thoughts to which we cling, so just let it all go, let it go and enjoy reality the way it was supposed to be enjoyed."

This is the difference between an academic understanding of Mental Illness and of one based on experience. What do you do when that reality turns on you, turning every glance from a friend, every word from a DJ on the radio, every car driving by, into a piece of a tightly woven nightmare that replaces whatever exists outside of your own mind. Please stop giving bunk advice on subjects you having no understanding about.

 
Old 11-12-2010, 11:54 AM   #7
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Re: What is this in my head?

"I read a book once on playing the piano, that dosen't mean I'm qualified to give lessons."

I have read no books all Im saying comes from experience.

"To the bearer, delusions are indistinguishable from the physical world. Rather than mere passing thoughts, they are integrated into the person's world, with just as much (or more) weight attached to them. There is literally zero difference between having the delusion of "someone is coming to kill me because I wore a red shirt" and the rational thought of "I have to go to work tommarow morning"."

The person that has made this thread definitly knows the disticion enought to point out his own delusions is it not? So the sense of rational thinking isn't erased in a few days, its when a person has delusional thoughts many years on end that he starts to forget or loose what is real and what is not.

Thats why the wrong views and wrong thinking has to stop as soon as possible, people who do not yet have full fledged shizophrenia are very well able to distinguish they just cling to bad thoughts, most people posting here are able to be healed because they came out of there own accord, they have spotted something not quite right in there thinking.

If someone is far gone into his own world of delusions then ofcourse it becomes harder to heal this person because he has no reference to reality.

First thing to realize is that when you are in meditation and no feelings no subjectivenss is present one can look at the world and simply see it, later on if bad thoughts take over this person can recollect the meditation experience and conclude that what ever is happening now is only inside of the mind and is not real.

If you look at a blank wall you may have thoughts but they are all inside you, the blank wall hasn't done anything to release these thoughts they are self created and out of nothing, people who persue these thoughts make up big stories in there mind without anything ever happening outside them.

The world never changes only YOU change, if you can see that then you are on your journey to be "healed".

 
Old 11-21-2010, 06:51 PM   #8
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Re: What is this in my head?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2akurate View Post
I registered on this forum because I am very facinated by mental ilnesses and I also think I can help people that have them.

Read these words carefully because they are absolute truth.

Everything in your mind is an illusion, every thought is an individual perception on the world, this is why every person sees the world in a diffrent way. Thoughts come and thoughts go, thoughts become a problem if you identify with them. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS.

Ill give you an example:

If a thought comes into your mind that says "I am crazy" then in itself it is just a passing thought, BUT if you cling some validity to that thought and believe it, that thought for you becomes reality when infact it is not in the least reality.

This is in my opinion the biggest problem people with anorexia deal with, someone might have said something about their weight and they have put so much belief in that thought that they believe it themselves and this initial thought sparks a whole array of diffrent thoughts like: "she is right im a fat cow" or "I should get thinner look how fat I am" the mind never stops in someone with anorxia this is common because these problems mostly occur with people that think alot. People who do not think so much could hear this same statement and brush it off or not pay attention to it, people that do think much and believe there thoughts however are very receptive to these things

You say you make up highly unlikely scenarios and believe them, these scenarios are all in your head these are just thoughts nothing more nothing less, they do not exist in reality. You probebly think a whole lot and because you think alot you try to delve deeper into it all. Why do I think this? Why do these thoughts come into my mind? Is this me going crazy? I think im crazy etc etc etc...


Trust me please.

All your anxiety comes from your thoughts, what you need to do firstly is calm your mind and the way to do this is by meditation. You simply sit and you follow your breath consciously when ever a thought comes up you acknowledge the thought and go back to observing your breathing.

You do not get anxious with an arising thought because you know thoughts of all sorts come and go and have no bearing in reality, you ignore the thought and come back to your breath. The more and longer you will do this the more stable your mind will be because you will understand that though high activity in your mind is present it is simply conditioned thoughts. The biggest problem with mental issues is the losing ground with reality, this meditation method will bring you back to it but you must trust it.

Let me give you a little story:

A tree was standing beautifuly in a garden of a buddhist monk. One day the tree started getting ideas, the tree didn't want to stand in that particular spot anymore and it didn't like it when birds sat down on its branches. This caused the tree to become very anxious and nervous, the tree couldn't move or do anything and slowly began to go crazy with every passing day.

The tree had such a loud mind that it reached a climax, a point where no more activity could be experienced in the mind.

And suddenly the tree realized, that there is no thing to worry about, nothing to be scared or nervous about everything it needed was provided and it relaxed into the situation and realized that all that pain the tree was suffering was all induced by herself and that reality didn't make her suffer, but that she made herself suffer.

Reality isn't good nor bad, it just is, its our perception OF reality that makes it either way and our perception is created solely by passing thoughts to which we cling, so just let it all go, let it go and enjoy reality the way it was supposed to be enjoyed.

Did you know enlightenment is simply the realization of what one is, and in effect the abolishment of all thought conscious and subconcious, that is pure bliss, reality is pure bliss, it is our mental conditioning that makes it a hell.

I hope this helped, ask questions, and if you didn't understand anything I was trying to say thats no problem, but reading this will have planted some seeds in your mind.

Secular scientific society doesn't have a good approach to these mental ilnesses thats why the field of psychology has been interested in religions like buddhism, the true peace can only be obtained by those means, medication is only making a person calm and dull but the problem should be healed from inside the person and if it is healed a person will be that much stronger.
And you really say that enlightenment is the "abolishment of all thought -conscious and subconscious...? You would be completely right, if you could say by what, this thought -conscious and unconscious, was "abolished"

Do you realize that the Buddhist method of meditating on breath extends at least fourteen times beyond simply paying attention to your breath.

You don't reach enlightenment, or bliss, or stable mind, or anything like that, by simply paying attention to your breath. If you're lucky, you'll relax enough to let a fart out in public, but you're not going to undue a huge web of paranoid delusion, based on heart-felt anxiety attacksations.

There's also the very tricky matter of the Universal Over-Lord, but I don't think we'll get into that now. Try to fix what you said above, and then I'll let you in on a little secret everyone's too afraid to admit.

Last edited by hathada; 11-21-2010 at 06:53 PM.

 
Old 11-21-2010, 07:04 PM   #9
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hathada HB User
Re: What is this in my head?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2akurate View Post
I registered on this forum because I am very facinated by mental ilnesses and I also think I can help people that have them.

Read these words carefully because they are absolute truth.

Everything in your mind is an illusion, every thought is an individual perception on the world, this is why every person sees the world in a diffrent way. Thoughts come and thoughts go, thoughts become a problem if you identify with them. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS.

Ill give you an example:

If a thought comes into your mind that says "I am crazy" then in itself it is just a passing thought, BUT if you cling some validity to that thought and believe it, that thought for you becomes reality when infact it is not in the least reality.

This is in my opinion the biggest problem people with anorexia deal with, someone might have said something about their weight and they have put so much belief in that thought that they believe it themselves and this initial thought sparks a whole array of diffrent thoughts like: "she is right im a fat cow" or "I should get thinner look how fat I am" the mind never stops in someone with anorxia this is common because these problems mostly occur with people that think alot. People who do not think so much could hear this same statement and brush it off or not pay attention to it, people that do think much and believe there thoughts however are very receptive to these things

You say you make up highly unlikely scenarios and believe them, these scenarios are all in your head these are just thoughts nothing more nothing less, they do not exist in reality. You probebly think a whole lot and because you think alot you try to delve deeper into it all. Why do I think this? Why do these thoughts come into my mind? Is this me going crazy? I think im crazy etc etc etc...


Trust me please.

All your anxiety comes from your thoughts, what you need to do firstly is calm your mind and the way to do this is by meditation. You simply sit and you follow your breath consciously when ever a thought comes up you acknowledge the thought and go back to observing your breathing.

You do not get anxious with an arising thought because you know thoughts of all sorts come and go and have no bearing in reality, you ignore the thought and come back to your breath. The more and longer you will do this the more stable your mind will be because you will understand that though high activity in your mind is present it is simply conditioned thoughts. The biggest problem with mental issues is the losing ground with reality, this meditation method will bring you back to it but you must trust it.

Let me give you a little story:

A tree was standing beautifuly in a garden of a buddhist monk. One day the tree started getting ideas, the tree didn't want to stand in that particular spot anymore and it didn't like it when birds sat down on its branches. This caused the tree to become very anxious and nervous, the tree couldn't move or do anything and slowly began to go crazy with every passing day.

The tree had such a loud mind that it reached a climax, a point where no more activity could be experienced in the mind.

And suddenly the tree realized, that there is no thing to worry about, nothing to be scared or nervous about everything it needed was provided and it relaxed into the situation and realized that all that pain the tree was suffering was all induced by herself and that reality didn't make her suffer, but that she made herself suffer.

Reality isn't good nor bad, it just is, its our perception OF reality that makes it either way and our perception is created solely by passing thoughts to which we cling, so just let it all go, let it go and enjoy reality the way it was supposed to be enjoyed.

Did you know enlightenment is simply the realization of what one is, and in effect the abolishment of all thought conscious and subconcious, that is pure bliss, reality is pure bliss, it is our mental conditioning that makes it a hell.

I hope this helped, ask questions, and if you didn't understand anything I was trying to say thats no problem, but reading this will have planted some seeds in your mind.

Secular scientific society doesn't have a good approach to these mental ilnesses thats why the field of psychology has been interested in religions like buddhism, the true peace can only be obtained by those means, medication is only making a person calm and dull but the problem should be healed from inside the person and if it is healed a person will be that much stronger.
Ugh. You're a very bad teacher. You really have never experienced true reality. I honestly don't believe you, when you say it's pure bliss. You're really not allowed to say that, if you've only read it in a book. You're really not allowed to say that, unless you've actually experienced it. And it doesn't sound like you have. Because it's not. Technically, to tell you the truth, it's pure power, pure eternal, boundless mind. It's an everlasting moment of complete clarity. But not bliss. Well, maybe bliss. Maybe you have felt it. If you have, I apologize, and by all means, please explain it in more detail, -I'm dyingto know what it's like to experience ultimate reality, but not have any thoughts along the way. Hmm? I wonder...

 
Old 11-22-2010, 07:11 PM   #10
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Re: What is this in my head?

I seem to agree with you. I experienced pure bliss after I had a moment of enlightment. It was so joyous that it was unreal to me. So unreal that I did not believe it. I thought that was delusional or that I had some sort of chemical imbalance.. so I crawled in a hole and I have been living scared in hell ever since. I desperatley want to know howcome I went back to my negative thinking and then I want to abolish it. But, you can't be taught what you already know. So, my life is a slow progress. Lately there have been times of my mind telling me that I am crazy, but I have a strong belief in happiness and reality, but I guess not strong enough because for some reason I am scared of it. What a horrible reality to live in.

 
Old 11-22-2010, 08:45 PM   #11
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Re: What is this in my head?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gemini89 View Post
I seem to agree with you. I experienced pure bliss after I had a moment of enlightment. It was so joyous that it was unreal to me. So unreal that I did not believe it. I thought that was delusional or that I had some sort of chemical imbalance.. so I crawled in a hole and I have been living scared in hell ever since. I desperatley want to know howcome I went back to my negative thinking and then I want to abolish it. But, you can't be taught what you already know. So, my life is a slow progress. Lately there have been times of my mind telling me that I am crazy, but I have a strong belief in happiness and reality, but I guess not strong enough because for some reason I am scared of it. What a horrible reality to live in.
I also live with nervousness/scary feeling for several years now. I'm not sure the cause of it.

 
Old 12-03-2010, 10:26 AM   #12
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Selah123 HB User
Re: What is this in my head?

Someone said, "I registered on this forum because I am very facinated by mental illnesses and I also think I can help people that have them."

I was only able to acknowledge very little of your advice. You absolutely have no idea what goes on in the mind of a schizophrenic do you? If you have not been there and done that, what advice can you give about something you have not experienced? I understand your wanting to help, but in most issues of life, you have to have worn the shirt.

 
Old 12-03-2010, 10:58 AM   #13
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Selah123 HB User
Re: What is this in my head?

Carlyy wrote, "when i go out i have a bad habit of stealing things..... and it gives me such a great feeling.. but whenever i go out anywhere i think that there is an underccover person that knows who i am and can tell by my body language or face that i stole something.. and knows that i have been doing something bad... even if i havn't STOLEN ANYTHING!!!!"

Hi Carlyy,

I had that kind of episode a few times when I was deceitful about something. It was like people were in on my situation. I noticed this only happened when I did something I had no business doing. So I decided to always live a good and clean life, not only because it is right, but the conscience episode does not occur when I do the right thing. I had to get on medication to help strengthen my mind again. Also I resolved to live a good and clean life to bring about being secure with nothing to hide. I haven't had that kind of occurrance ever since I decided to always do the right thing. Hope this helps.

 
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