how do you deal with the paranoia? - Schizophrenia Message Board

StarCat · 09-11-2002, 08:49 AM

Hello all,

I'm just looking for some insight from anyone who has dealt with a paranoid schizophrenic loved one....

How do you respond to the paranoia? My b/f became paranoid last night (we think he's Bipolar w/ Schizo-Affective disorder - he's been extremely paranoid). I've learned that there is no telling what can set it off, and I try not to take it personally. I mentioned something about how we should learn to play card games, and he freaked out and started giving me that look like "Oh no, you're part of the conspiracy." I don't know whether to say "it's ok, you can trust me" or to just leave him alone....

Last week he was very lucid and insightful to realizing how he was paranoid and psychotic for his first month in the hospital, and even before... But of course there's nothing we can do when he's in the midst of paranoia.

Any thoughts would be extremely helpful.
Thank you,
StarCat

Kokopelli · 09-11-2002, 12:12 PM

Hi StarCat,

This has got to be a very difficult time for you. It's never easy hon. The best I can advise you is allways keep up chin and try to be patient. Remember, what your loved one is going through and that he does not mean to be this way. Since schitzophrenia is so hard to understand even today. You must deal with everyday differently. Some days are going to be great and the some days will be awfull. Just be patient and when you need support or need to talk please don't be afraid to ask anything. I have opened up here because I could learn so much from someone else who might be going through the same thing. hugs

Koko

StarCat · 09-11-2002, 03:45 PM

Oh Koko, I'm so glad you're here!

I'm crying so hard I called my mom and she's going to pick me up at work and bring me back to my parents' house for a few hours. He flipped out at the hospital again because he was manic - calling his parents at 4 AM and me at 6 AM. And then he got violent and they had to restrain him and sedate him. And he's back to being completely paranoid...he's made comments about how he doesn't know what meds their giving him...the staff is all out to kill him and their keeping him doped up to prevent him from escaping. This is where we were in the beginning. I think he's schizophrenic, not bipolar. He was so insightful and realized so much about the psychosis and paranoia....that he'd been paranoid for years, thinking the FBI & cops were out to get him...his computer had been hacked into, etc. But he said he never wanted to be like that again and he would do anything in his power to prevent it...taking antipsychotics for the rest of his life - anything. But now it's too late (for the time being) and he's swung back to being psychotic again.

How do you do this? I've been so strong, and I'll continue to be strong, but I need to know:

IS THERE A CHANCE of succeeding over this illness IF the victim at least RECOGNIZES that he has the disease?

My b/f doesn't committ crimes, or do drugs, but he'll drink a pinch socially, and I figure he'd drive drunk if he was manic, etc.

Oh god, I have to go, but I'll be back here on this board tomorrow that's for sure.

My boyfriend told me (and it made my heart swell) that I was his hero because I survived my Bipolar, and it made him think he could too. KOKO YOU ARE MY HERO, because you've been going through what I'm going through for years. Any advice would be appreciated.

StarCat

Kokopelli · 09-11-2002, 10:31 PM

Hi Starcat,

First this is probably going to be long LOL.. but hopefully it will help a tiny bit. First of all I don't deal allways to well ask anyone that knows me on this bb. I certainly have my ups and downs. But you know what hon we are human.

Let me start by saying I came to Williams 2 1/2 years ago with absolutly no idea of what was ahead. Police coming to the house safeway calling saying David had stollen from them the list goes on. Finally he ended up in jail after pulling a knife on Danny (my brother) and myself. Now mind you I had not lived with my family for over 15 years I didn't know a thing. But I did know that David really had gotten worse. to this day know one understands how this truely happens to such a kind and loving person, which david really is. My brother was an artist at one time with certificates to go to special schools for the arts and one day it was like his life just changed. This is probably what you are seeing with your b/f and it's frustrating to you. I can imagine you have had the feelings of guilt, then wanting to leave then just wanting to help however you can. Star we all go through these emotions. I think that when things get tough the best thing to do is to take a step back and if he is out of control and angry then you need to be strong and allow the nurses and docs to help him. Go home and write and get it off your mind. I journal alot because I can look back at those rough days. This is not being mean hon because you need to take care of yourself as well as your boyfriend. You need to balance this out if you are so depressed how can you help someone else? let alone Star. You need to stay healthy minded for you.
So those days of roughness are easier on you, no I am not saying it gets easier it's a hard thing to watch period.

Star allways remember the mind is like the universe we don't truelly understand it because it's constantly creating new worlds so to say. I have learned that no matter what never give up and keep reading. The more you read about this awfull illness the more you can release and also the more you can see this is not his fault. I beleive strongly that we were all put here for a reason, and that we have certain challenges we are supposed to meet in our life time. This is only but one challenge for you understand your challenge.

Also go for your own goals as well.. I don't allways practice what I preach I tend to fall back and give into the dark. But right now I feel like I am flying high. And I felt so good when you said KOKO YOUR MY HERO.. you have no idea what that did. I thank you for that wonderfull comment Star you are my hero, because I see not only someone coping with an awfull illness put on a loved one.. but because you are just you and that is so special, I can see a bright future for you.. meeting goals, you standing by your boyfriend god bless you for being there for him. Some people will turn their cheek on someone like him. Stay tough sweetheart and keep writing me I am here everyday

Hugs
Koko

StarCat · 09-12-2002, 09:13 AM

Thanks so much Koko (((((((((((KOKO))))))))))

I posted on the depression board about yesterday's events. He is just manic at the moment...he seems to become paranoid in the mid to late afternoon, continuing to evening, and then bouncing back to mania. I hope the hospital is giving him more antipsychotics. The problem (one of many) is that the hospital doesn't know the extent of the paranoia/psychosis. And my b/f's parents refuse to get involved and tell the doctor any info. It's like they're still in denial. It is killing me to watch them NOT DEAL with this, when I feel like there are so many URGENT steps that need to be taken to fill the hospital in.

I am dreading that because of the parents' inaction, the hospital will release my b/f. I am also dreading my b/f's reaction to the proposal that he is transferred to a long term facility (which is what will hopefully happen when the regular doc comes back from vacation and evaluates him). It would be safe to say that I am filled with dread. But I am going to continue to stand by my boyfriend, even though he may really not be sane for some time yet.

PLEASE TELL ME that there is hope if he recognizes that he has this condition, that he will be able to maintain his sanity once he comes back to himself again.

Thanks for all your support Koko. I feel like such a failure right now. I've been reading as much as I can. I read that people w/ schizophrenia often deteriorate over a period of 6 months to 2 years before having a complete psychotic episode....which would perfectly explain my b/f's growing paranoia. I know it's not his fault at all, but I still feel so horrible....

StarCat