A lot of questions! - Schizophrenia Message Board

~*Silent*~ · 07-29-2002, 01:47 AM

Hey! It has been a long time since I have posted with this account. I created this account in the purpose to disquise who I really am because I needed to ask and vent about my mother with Schitz. Sadly, I am very ashamed of being the daughter of a woman with a disease such as this one. Not very many people understand, nor care to learn, so I usually get stuck in a situation where I am being judged by arrogance.

My mother was diagnosed with Schitz before I was even born, so I have had to deal with this for my whole life. I have witnessed and been dragged through some really weird and frightening things, things a normal person should never have to go through. But that's in the past and I cannot change it.

The last really bad outbreak was when I was 9, (I am 16 now.) She was sent to the psyche ward, and I was put into a foster home and bounced around for 3 months. Since then she has been generally stable with very few outbreaks as she has been staying on the meds.

I would like to know what causes this. My mother tells me that this began after she had started doing chemicals, drinking, and had been raped and beaten a few times in her teens. The doctors say that this is something she was born with, but was evidentally presented after these events, therefore giving reason why she was diagnosed when she was 17.

What is actually happening to her? Why does she see things, or think things that aren't there or haven't happened.

Is this a chemical imbalance? Is that what the meds are for-to balance it out?

Can this be passed through genes? Can I get it now? Or am I more likely to get it?

Are you actually BORN with it, or can it just happen?

I know this may sound terrible to say, but if people cannot be FORCED to take their meds, they should not be allowed to have children. It is unfair to drag a helpless and innocent being through the things a mentally derranged person can take them through. Personally, I think my life would have been 1000 times better if I was brought up in a family where I didn't feel like I needed to take care of my mother, instead of being taken care of.

I am not saying I am ungrateful for the things my mother did do for me, and I know she must have tried hard considering she wasn't always in her right mind, but I think for the well being of the children, they should not be allowed to have children unless there is a gaurantee they will stay on their meds. What would have happened if my mom commited suicide and took me with her? Or what would have happened if I had drowned, burned or gotten severely hurt due to her negligence because of her illness? What is anyone going to do about the fact that I have fears, insecurities, and many issues because of this?

This not fair to anyone! I realize they are people too and all, common my own mother is one of them. But it is not my fault my mother has an illness, I never did anything wrong to be punished my whole life. So why should I or anyone else have to suffer?

There should be rules and laws about this, or at least stricter ones. And if my ranting doesn't prove that I obviously have issues and resents over all of this, then I don't know how I could express to any of you how much I have gone through. If only you all knew. And I don't think I am the only one!

Kristeen · 07-29-2002, 06:39 AM

Hi Silent,
Your not the only one. I to have a mother who is schizophrenic. She's a paranoid schizophrenic. I to have been put thru the ringer although I haven't gone into foster homes I sometimes think anything would have been better than the phyiscal and mental abuse we took. I didn't find out until a couple of years ago just what she had althougth her family my aunts and uncles all knew. I believe two of my sisters are also schizophrenics, I know my nephrew was diagnoise with it when he was 16. There is lots of denial involved with the disease.
Diet, lifestyle, and attitude all play a role. I am told it isn't hereditary but it seems my mothers family is riddled with mental illness, chemical imbalances. Lots of compulsive obsessive behaviors, lots of depression. If you haven't been affected by now you probably won't be. I used to worry my self. I have seen gluten/wheat intolerances create episodes with my mother, so I am sure there is a gluten allergy there, but lots of stress can set her off. Be careful for your health, the stress alone can create health issues in you. I have suffered with lupus out breaks and finally figured out that when she is in my life, I get sick. When she's out of my life, I get better. I keep her out because she chooses to stay sick, she chooses to do nothing to help herself, so I choose to help myself and honor my life and health.
You can't control them, or your past. You can only control yourself and how you react to the present. It's not an easy road, but it will make you stronger. I am not as cold as I sound, I just finally got it. I was always there for her at the expense of myself, and when push came to shove, she didn't care. So now I take care of me and my family and let God take care of her.
Keep the faith, life does get better.
Kristeen

~*Silent*~ · 07-29-2002, 10:56 PM

Yes, my mother is paranoid schitz as well, and I believe my older brother has it too. The rest of my family is normal as far as I know. I pray to God that this isn't hereditary, because I wouldn't want to live with myself if I had it.

I seriously relate to what your talking about when you say mental abuse. I was dragged through so much sh*t you wouldn't believe. I had a rough life, however it is true that it makes you stronger. I can handle A LOT of crap, and I am a hell of a lot more mature than 99% of people my age. I was forced to grow up a lot quicker than anyone I have ever met.

My mother is ok when she is on her meds, but when she isn't, she is right kooky!

When I was put into the foster home, it was because my mother had called 911 and said she thought Jeffery Dalmer *sp?* had chopped someone up and put them behind our fridge.
Then another time, she got me to pack all my stuff up and we started heading out for the country, because she was convinced that a war was starting and we were gonna get bombed.
Another time when I had been taken away by the "Children's Aid", I was allowed to visit my mom in a room with 2-way mirrors everywhere. She was asking me if I had been sneaking guys up in my room, (I was 8) and having sex with them. She thought this because she found poo on the floor, which was from my cat, and thought I was getting the guys I was having sex with, to poo on the floor so she wouldn't hear them go to the washroom. I was so humiliated!

I could go on for hours with mental stories of my past.

I guess I am just very resentful for everything, and my mother and I do not get along anyway, so it makes me dispise her more.

Thanks for the post, and I would appreciate more replies if anyone is out there

Kokopelli · 08-04-2002, 12:27 AM

Hi Silent,

I have a brother who is paranoid schitzophrenic.. I understand this feeling you have hon about the embarassment. But I do want to stress one thing, I sure realized how neat a guy he was the last day he was here and I sure miss him. We went through terrible times with him every other week he was picked up by police and my Dad had to deal with this as well as he was the city manger of our town here. Davids name was in the paper every other week things were just going down hill we were not getting any help for David. He finally ended up in jail because of his drug OD. I know this hardship hon but remember one thing it's not their fault infact hmm think of it this way, we all are blessed in our own ways.. hang in there hon please.. and ask as many questions as you like here. NEVER feel ashamed of you, or embarassed be yourself. No one critisizes anyone here for anything.

Hugs
Koko

JylC · 10-01-2002, 06:26 AM

I am majoring in Psychiatry, and I have bad news for the people that have schitzophrenics in their families. It, Schitzoprhrenia, is a hereditary disease, but it needs to be triggered by a major stressor. The same is true for people that have Cancer, Alcoholism,Depression, Drug Use, etc. Now some triggers for this disease could be normal everyday life, if it is stressful, or even drug use or deaths or so forth. DOnt blame it on the people though help them