do I sound like I have schizophrenia - Schizophrenia Message Board

jessieleigh · 05-13-2003, 02:01 PM

Hey I was wondering if some of you guys would give me your input and tell if you think I sound like I have schizophrenia. I am manic deppresive and have bi-polar disorder, I have had very severe panic attacks for years that can not be controlled. I have very sudden mood changes that can not be controlled. I find myself fighting with people just to do it and can not explain why. I also talk to myself some I know thats not too bad but the bad part is I will have actual conversations sometimes. Sometimes its like someone else takes over my mind and I do and say things I would not normally do or say. Well n-eways if you dont mind get back to me with your input on what you think.

Overdrive · 05-13-2003, 03:01 PM

Let's put it this way. I can't truly say, but I am experiencing something very similar to you. I saw a psychiatrist who prescribed Seroquel (normally for treating SZ), although she seemed to think I am not SZ, but rather the same as you (ie manic depressive/BP). However, I find it intriguing that both of us have levitated to a site on SZ! We must be thinking the same way about our respective 'diagnoses' (although I wasn't ever told my official diagnosis). I am wondering myself if I am SZ. Let me ask you this - you are definitely experiencing the negative symptoms of SZ, as am I, but have you ever had the positive symptoms (ie hearing voices, seeing other beings etc)?
I have, and perhaps that's why I'm on Seroquel. There are different levels of SZ, and hopefully you and I will learn more re what's going on 'inside' soon! Best of luck ...

jessieleigh · 05-13-2003, 07:44 PM

Thank you so much for replying Overdrive. I am not glad youre going through the same thing but it is good to have someone to relate too. My family acts as if they dont want to hear n-ething about it. To answer your question....I have seen people at least I guess it was people walk by me when Im the only one home and yes I have had someone or something talking to me, as for the voices I dont hear them too often but they like to tell me what to do. If you find n-ething else out please let me know.

Overdrive · 05-14-2003, 04:13 AM

Some have told me that it is possible that the shadow being I saw was possibly a consequence of clinical depression - ie when one is so low that you can't get up, you may start imagining things. I don't know if I agree with that. Because the first time I saw a shadow being I wasn't too depressed - in fact, the first time it happened (1998), I was a leader in my university, about to go to sleep, when I sensed another being in my room. I became paranoid, and looked towards my door, when I saw the shadows. I leaped into bed, and, within moments, I felt a sensation pushing me down. The more I struggled to get up, the more the being pushed down. Then I stopped breathing (or so I think) for a minute or so.

Since then, I felt increasingly that I was being watched or followed. I believed that people around me were a threat, and that I was always being judged. In 2000, I went into a severe depression (suicidal). This was caused in part by the fact that the shadows had become permanent (I experienced mine as a single being, covered with a dark cloak and piercing eyes). Unlike 1998, though, I started to hear this being speak to me (but never loud, always softly). I was only certain that I was hearing voices when I came out of a stupor to find a breadknife in my hand, and my wrists bleeding - I was acting on what the voice was telling me to do. This freaked me out, of course!

I was fortunate to have the lady who is now my wife with me through most of these (and other) experiences. I tried explaining this to my Mom, but she became angry, and told me to stop being crazy (!). The seroquel is also prescribed for peeps with BP, but its dominant function is to treat sz. The psych says I'm NOT sz, but I'm concerened that, having clearly had a symptomatic sz episode in 1998 and especially 2000, what if I have a relapse? I have not taken the medication (prescribed 4 months ago), and the symptoms are becoming worse now - almost suddenly? I am as depressed as I was in 2000, and I am suspicious of everyone. I am often angry, and no longer know who I am. I am petrified of my future, and, although I still have the prescription slip, I am afraid of rejection, and what others will think if I'm on such medication (especially my Mom, who relies on me - she's also depressed). But I have a constant LOUD humming noise always in my mind, have begun staring catatonically for hours at a time, and keep looking over my back, expecting to be harmed. I'm not really seeing images at the moment, but have thought that the lampshade had become a human being (although I realised after a while it was what it is!). Any suggestions? And advice on the seroquel? (I'm afraid of side effects too)