XxlDippsxX

Hello i am a 22 yr old scared single mum... using my freinds id..

I was diagnosed with anxiety 3 yrs ago, and recently i have doubts that maybe i could be scitso, goes back since i was in seniour school, i always made up a fantasy that i had a huge family, (even though i have a lovely family in real life)and i would really talk to them (they r not there) and i would create images of them, as yrs pass i would create another kind of family and talk to them etc.. this all went away when i got with my daughters father, i could control it before, maybe had the odd days where i would fantasise, BUT then came back after i had my daughter real badl.. me and her dad finished.
Recently i have been fantasising that i am a mother with a husband and we own our own business and we have 4 kids, car and are rich, and i even speak to him and my kids etc as if they were all real, i also can be sitting there and here the fone ringing and answer it saying 'Hello customer services how may i help' etc, and talk to someone who sisnt there, but i really do here other people talking to me on the other sideand i will have a pretend conversation ? also when i am about town which i hate going out due to my so called 'anxiety' people look at me, and the usual thing that goes through my head is they are looking at me, talking about me etc.. and then they only have to look over and rub their nose, lift their hand or whateva and i think then that they are giving signals to other people etc..
Also when i am talking to people i freeze with my words, i am in a constant state of disorientation. dont feel like i am not all there, i hear my mind talking alot, and when i am going to sleep i do actually here voices, dont know what they say BUT i do genuinly here them. AND sometimes if i wake up in the middle of the night and try to go back to sleep these voices start again, i sometimes see devils and witches etc in my head as i am trying to get back to sleep and my name being called out, and i loose my breath (this has happened few times before in the past when i was in seniour high but didnt really bother me then) Also i am so paranoid, i dont trust no one, not even my own mum, i think people are trying to spike me with pills, and stuff and are trying to get rid of me, i am so paranoid, i wont even go out to a nighclub or to visit my freinds house for coffee or even go out for dinner with freinds... i am so paranoid i cant trust no one..

This is really affecting me now, i am under a psycicologist, i have never told anyone ever about this before, not even my phsyicologist, BUT i will when i see her again.. I was under a psyciatrist and becuase i didnt take any meds for the so called 'anxiety' she signed me off..

I just dont know what this could be or where to turn to or what to do? i am terrified no one to talk too, my mum has so many probs to deal with... I cant help what happens to me, BUT it is getting worse.. any ideas, help, advice? plse

thankyou so much

------------------
dipps


Forgot to mention i even fear that my house might me tapped. Or that my neighbours are trying to poison me, so i keep my doors locked at all times.

Also i will laugh for no reason, i am a sad person dont laugh at nothing, BUT i keep visioning things and i laugh my head off.. like i could be walking with my freind and i vision she just fell face first in that poo we just passed and laugh my head off..

[This message has been edited by XxlDippsxX (edited 05-21-2003).]