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Old 11-17-2010, 05:54 AM   #1
lxx lxx is offline
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How do you with schizophrenia live?

I've now been on geodon for 8 months and side effects have been strange feeling in my forehead like there is something stuck on it and weak spells where I can't stand up for even a short time. The pdoc says that even on meds I can have a relapse. How can I even chance finding a job? How do rest of you with schizophrenia live? I mean there is no guarantee that you are going to be fine if you had a job.

 
Old 11-19-2010, 10:31 PM   #2
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Re: How do you with schizophrenia live?

Hi,

Does the Geodon help in other areas? Has your pdoc tried you on other meds?

 
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Old 11-23-2010, 10:54 PM   #3
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Re: How do you with schizophrenia live?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lxx View Post
I've now been on geodon for 8 months and side effects have been strange feeling in my forehead like there is something stuck on it and weak spells where I can't stand up for even a short time. The pdoc says that even on meds I can have a relapse. How can I even chance finding a job? How do rest of you with schizophrenia live? I mean there is no guarantee that you are going to be fine if you had a job.
I met my wife in hospital. That's the only reason I'm alive. If I hadn't met her when I did, and we hadn't stuck together, I'd be dead.

That was over two years ago. I haven't spent this much time out of hospital without relapse since the first time I was admitted, at the age of 21. I'm twenty-fu##ing-nine now. I've got a degree in Math, certificates in Accounting. I hate my life.

I'm stable. I almost never hear voices. My meds don't have any side effects. I live in a nice apartment. We do stuff. The whole thing has become so routine, I'm just waiting for the day I die.

I don't want any of the things I have. I never wanted to work for a life that I despise. There's no other alternatives. You can't do nothing all day. Working sucks, no matter what it is. Hobbies don't work. You try to think of an attitude towards living that will make you happy. But nothing works and the life you already have is the one your stuck with.

You can't hold on to a single thing. The last thing you're ever going to remember is your own agonizing death. At 29, you don't feel yourself dying, so you can't appreciate that it will all be over soon. Because it won't. It will be over in a long time. Which makes it that much worse to wait for.

But I'm sure, eventually, the closer it gets, the more apparent it becomes that something's going to give out, be it your heart, or your lungs, or your kidneys, or your brain. And then you can't stand to look death in the eyes. And all that waiting finally catches up with you, and the dull pain of anticipation that filled your heart all day and night, no matter what distraction stood before you, when you were young, is calling your immortal soul into the fire, now that you're old.

I live pretty good. It's just really cold in my part of the world right now. Dark too. Get's dark at night real fast. Around five thirty, it's already dark. I don't know if I really like all this darkness. Seems like there's too much of it. Would rather there weren't so much darkness about. Seems like it's always there; can't get away from it very often. Don't think I like it too much. It's kind of got me all confused all the time. Don't really know if I'm up here or down there. Maybe I should have stayed up there. Don't really know why I came down here in the first place. Is it just me, or did everybody suddenly come from up there. It's dark all the time. I don't really, can't say I much like the weather these days. Too dark, most of the time. And it's cold, too, you know. Don't much like the cold. Always have to bring an extra sweater along. And, oh Paul McCartney! Oh Julio!

 
Old 11-28-2010, 07:55 PM   #4
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Re: How do you with schizophrenia live?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hathada View Post
I met my wife in hospital. That's the only reason I'm alive. If I hadn't met her when I did, and we hadn't stuck together, I'd be dead.

That was over two years ago. I haven't spent this much time out of hospital without relapse since the first time I was admitted, at the age of 21. I'm twenty-fu##ing-nine now. I've got a degree in Math, certificates in Accounting. I hate my life.

I'm stable. I almost never hear voices. My meds don't have any side effects. I live in a nice apartment. We do stuff. The whole thing has become so routine, I'm just waiting for the day I die.
...
I'm not sure if you are having the same problems I had when my dosage was higher, all I could think about was death and the horrible life I have to look foward to. With my meds dosage lowered, I have a better outlook on life but I still get depressed. Now, I just live day to day and count my blessings...food, shelter, blue skies, wonderfulness of hands.

 
Old 12-07-2010, 07:17 AM   #5
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Re: How do you with schizophrenia live?

thanks for the insight. met someone that i know think has this. almost wish we had not met. reading what hathada wrote it what he was doing. gets things gives them away.
he has a great brain. and seems care but at times he distances himself from everyone. just spoke to his mom for the first time and she simply said he trust people. she is from another country. had not felt for a man in a long time and i am debating on stopping seeing him. reading the post here today is now making me go hmm.

he is older so i know that the symptoms often get better with age. he is at times to trusting then a bit paranoid and that is what led me here today. reading this i am convinced he has this or something related.

this is a brave thing to open up about and i hope what you wrote can help someoeone else.

 
Old 12-11-2010, 07:43 AM   #6
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Re: How do you with schizophrenia live?

Quote:
Originally Posted by diet helps View Post
Hi,

Does the Geodon help in other areas? Has your pdoc tried you on other meds?
I have tried other meds and they are worse. Geodon at 20mg is the best with the least side effects.

 
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