too much lsd, and other things wrong.
Hello, since i could remember i didn't care about my future, untill recently. As a child i always wanted to be outside, away from my house, still to this day i do as well. i have smoked pot for 6 years, and recently laid off it so my lungs and heart could recover. I have always been what i considered a 'deep thinker' but now i think it has taken control of me, and it is getting hard to have a clear thought, hold onto it, speak it, and then recolet it. even if i get to speaking it i, a lot of the time, do not remember exactly what i said. i beleive that is some sort of add or adhd. but also due to me thinking so much and having a father be in a 'black hole' if you will of depression, i myself have sunk into one. i have never been the most positive person, but now i dont care to be. to top it all off, 8 months ago i discovered LSD, and since then have taken more than i can count.. tripping for days or even a week at a time.. waking up and eating a dose, along with medications that i shouldnt have had, and smoking a lot of pot. not to sound like a drug addict, i just wanted to have a good time, i also body build and power lift and stay in physically good shape as far as that goes anyway. (i like looking good..)
Now, light trails like no other, things move, i question reality and what purpose does anything have, and a lot of retrospec thinking. i tend to get down on myself because i cannot hold a conversation because i veer off and ramble a lot, but i catch myself doing it, still not able to control it or recollect what i was originally talking about. i feel as if i had a bad disorder and drugs made it much worse, and i fear it can only get worse. i do see a counsiler, and have told her about the drug use, but i also told her it is a touchy subject so we don't talk about it much. i'm not sure what im asking, i just kinda want to know what other people think about all that..
please do not reply saying anything such as 'well maybe you should lay off the lsd..' or pot, or pills. because i know this already.