I think you hate yourself; okay its not the end of the world you can be cured. I am on clozaril which is a really good medication - ask your doctor about it. It will take time to cure yourself. You do need medication and when you get to the stage where you accept that; then you are half way towards caring about yourself. I hated myself at one stage - I needed help and love - I was hostile to my parents over an issue but I let it go. If you have an unresolved issue let it go. Here is an affirmation for you "I am worthy of love". Don't sin - focus on that it will help; that helped me alot along with the love of my parents and medication. Keep doing your best not to sin. Keep doing your best not to sin. You deserve to be happy. You need to talk to a doctor and your parents need to realise that it will take alot of love and patience for you to come round AND YOU WILL! Most importantly don't deal with this on your own if there is a support group in your area visit it regularly.