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Old 09-11-2011, 10:14 PM   #1
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Might Have Schizophrenia

I'm a 16 year old girl, diagnosed with depression a few years back (though my first suicidal urges happened when I was 9, and at one point I was diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy). I also get migraines.

The suicidal urges haven't happened much lately, I did talk to a psychologist who was very helpful, but when they do happen its like its not me, its my brain telling me to do things. I can't control it.

There's a boy I talk to who exists only in my head (he is annoyingly insistent about this fact). He's my brother. I remember watching him die a long long time ago. He doesn't tell me to do bad things or anything, he's actually helpful sometimes. Sometimes we argue and he makes me angry, but he's my brother so I love him.

The thing is, I'm not sure he ever actually existed...I mean, mostly I know he did, but if I told anyone they wouldn't believe me, because the whole story--that I used to be an alien and my brother died in the war--sounds ridiculous. Even to me it sounds ridiculous. So sometimes I think I should talk to a doctor, especially because I have a family history of schizophrenia.

I'm afraid of doctors, though. I went to a hospital two years ago for about a week because of my suicidal urges (it was my choice) and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I don't ever want to go back there again. Not to mention, whether its real or not, all the things I know are part of me...I don't want someone to try and take them from me. They're all I have.

When I close my eyes I can see dead people, though, and my father abandoned me here after the war. It hurts.

I don't know what to do. Please help.

Last edited by aeliad; 09-11-2011 at 10:17 PM.

 
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Old 09-12-2011, 11:08 AM   #2
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Re: Might Have Schizophrenia

Hello, I can relate to your fear of doctors I also fear going to the doctor although I have just made an appointment today for later in the month. I also feel like if I go and they do stuff to help me I will miss what I experiance but it has gotten to the point for me where it affects my family life and my job so I have to do something about it. If you have family history of schizophrenia I would talk to your psychiatrist and tell them hospitals are not fun but if you have urges to hurt yourself or others they put you there to protect you a psychiatric evaluation will be helpful for you my symptoms are not as bad as yours it doesn't seem but I am very paranoid and constantly see things following me and hear random voices and noises even with headphones on it will over power my music I've also been delusional especially when I am very paranoid and I go into spells for lack of a better term where it's like I'm in a dream and I feel depersonalized like I'm not me and if I look in the mirror it's like there is someone else in me I could go on forever about this stuff but I would say talk to your family build a support system and talk to your doctors so they can determin what is going on with you thanks for sharing I hope you the best of luck

 
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