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Old 03-29-2012, 03:03 AM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Malaysia
Posts: 14
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first episode in just over 2 years

i've never posted my own thread, i've replied a few times to others, but figured maybe now would be the right time to share some of my experiences since i just came out of a short and mild 2 and a half week psychotic episode, it'll be a long story but i think people will benefit to a good extent in reading about some of my problems and misery like i do with other's, hopefully sharing this will be therapeutic for some.

so i'm a 24 year old grown man, without a job, my dad is retired, but is alive, and loving enough to work as hard as possible to get me my education, just finished my second day of orientation, and while my diploma is going on, right now i'm still struggling with my sanity and delusions enough to make me want to ask if anybody knows me because i'm special in many ways...lol... but no.. i know i am insane and i know i can overcome this and be rational for as long as i need until i hit another sane streak...

so the past two weeks and a half, i started getting delusional again, this time with my common reoccurring theme which is i am psychic... i am telepathic... i can mind read... and i will die like everybody else... all the issue started for no reason when one day after hearing all the voices in my head, which for my whole life has never gone away... then it finally went away for the first time since i was 5 which was when i heard my first voices in the form of demonic and angelic voices in my head... on the 22nd of March which is stated in my diary, i finally stopped hearing the voices in my head which lasted about 17 days until the 10th of March, so with the halting of the incessant irritatingly maddening whispers i thought it was a good thing... and that i was on the path to recovery, but i was wrong.. ooh i was quite wrong actually... it was like a tsunami, with the waves receding, giving you a glimpse of the beautiful sand under the shallows... then moving in and crashing you into pieces when you went to take a look at the beach..

thats about it... long story short... in this case what i learned for the first time in my life, if a miracle happens and the voices disappear and you think you are saved... well don't rejoice... horde up on rationality and sanity supplies and brace for a disaster... so when it hits you... you got some sanity leftover to keep you afloat until you hit another 2 year streak of sanity...

what i really wish is that for the five years after i was conceived i... wish i knew this little lesson i just learned so i can stock up on rationality, reasonability, and sanity supplies that would last me up to when i had my first 3 year depressive psychotic episode, was diagnosed as a schizophrenic, but just a mild one like my doctor said, then through out my subsequent following 3 years of suicidal depression and social anxiety then past my 2 year psychotic relapse and and still have some leftover for my past 2 and a half week psychotic break, and then last till old age until i die then pass on my supplies to my children and subsequent generations till forever... so they wont have to suffer from my genetic defect...hmm i dont think this will be accepted... but i feel depressed and apparently from what i wrote in my diary a moment ago... i am not telepathic, no famous people can hear my thoughts, i am crazy, i am a lunatic

..i just drank coffee and it made me happy...

Last edited by Administrator; 11-28-2012 at 07:57 PM.

 
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