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koolguy 09-19-2012 11:48 PM

My psychotic history
 
Before symptoms of schizophrenia materialized I had the following symptoms: a. sleepy eyes during day time, b. tiredness, c. prolonged depression.

In addition to that, I need some afterthought to determine whether the positive symptoms of schizophrenia materialized due to underlying illness, or as a withdrawal symptoms of halting the meds too abruptly.

I had many bad effects from antipyschotics. These range from temporary memory loss, prolonged headaches, psychosis during akathisia... At first I was given antidepressants and risperdal. I started to experience awful bouts of akathisia. I felt paranoid, extremely scared(too scared to go for a loo), violent, and compulsive. I felt like small noises I hear will trigger me to hear voices. But at those times I wasn't hearing voices.

My first delusional thinking started with me thinking I was being followed by obscure people in public, and thinking that I was being 'gassed' when I was experiencing awful headaches. Headaches persisted for several months but the false belief that I was being gassed didn't go away.

After switching to invega and reaching my limit to tolerate even more servere akathisia from it, and how my private psychiatrist who prescribed it to me doesn't seem to comprehend how extreme the suffering was, I stopped taking all forms of anti-psychotics. That is when I started to experience psychotic symptoms more vividly.

I was getting jerks on my head making me to think that I was being 'shocked with electricity' somehow. I thought I was someone important and I was receiving messages from Barrack Obama on tv. I sat for hours watching music videos on tv and receiving communications at the same time. I thought I was being followed in public and there are hidden cameras in my house.

I also heard voices without the meds and I had trouble going to sleep. Voices made me feel extremely agitated and all of my days became absorbed in fighting the 'gas', avoiding the voices in my head, and struggling to go to sleep. University suffered from my delusions and I failed at uni.

My delusional belief system became more complex. I was sure of the existence of zombies and I had a false memory planted on me where I was drugged and drowned then reanimated like a zombie. To do this reanimation secret government agency illegally implanted a computer chip to compensate for my thinking, and that I was totally dependent on the chip to stay alive. The belief made sense because that is why I was being followed and persecuted(such as being forcibly medicated using 'gaseous method'). Australian government didn't care whether I died or lived; their main concern was the destruction of the chip.

After about three weeks without much sleep, and somehow persuaded myself that I could not let out excrements in a normal way, I was still paranoid and ended up in hospital. I asked the police to take me to hospital when asked.

Soon as I recovered my sleeping and paranoia has subsided inside hospital, I finally realized that there is no 'gas' or forcible medicating. That's when I was back to my senses. I was also relieved that I could go to toilet normally.

I still suffered from akathisia caused by injections I received inside hospital. I switched from risperidone consta to invega sustenna when I was outpatient. I am still an outpatient and began transition to clozapine, due to persistent akathisia. Akathisia contains psychotic elements and mental pain is great. I should be free from it. My history with akathisia caused by atypical antipsychotics is long. I have written alot of posts in this forum about it. Right now I get an attack about twice a month. Once we stop invega I should be completely free. :cool:

synpase321 09-21-2012 08:52 AM

Re: My psychotic history
 
Hi Koolguy

Thank you for sharing that.

I am sorry to hear you failed Uni - something that happened to me years back.

I would be grateful if you could post now and again to let us know whether the clozapine makes a difference to the akathesia, as you aware I suffer from it badly too (3 times a week) and am on risperidone. If it works for you then that would be the best news I heard in generations. and will follow suit,

Regards

koolguy 09-24-2012 09:30 PM

Re: My psychotic history
 
[QUOTE=synpase321;5059686]Hi Koolguy

Thank you for sharing that.

I am sorry to hear you failed Uni - something that happened to me years back.

I would be grateful if you could post now and again to let us know whether the clozapine makes a difference to the akathesia, as you aware I suffer from it badly too (3 times a week) and am on risperidone. If it works for you then that would be the best news I heard in generations. and will follow suit,

Regards[/QUOTE]
sure thing. i will update you on clozapine. today i met pdoc weekly and he said next week wlll be my last monthly invega injection!:jester:

koolguy 09-24-2012 09:33 PM

Re: My psychotic history
 
During akathisia the following was the most distressing: I kept hearing two familiar voices. one male and one female. Male voice kept telling me 'you are a soldier', and 'we're back!'. female voice told me 'you are the bank robber'.

These voieces made me feel like I could do something bad. But the lesson that always applies is if you do less, less chance of doing something stupid.

koolguy 09-28-2012 06:38 PM

Re: My psychotic history
 
i have two months to go until invega is out of my system...

and i dont feel like doing the things i should because of anxiousness about akathisia and also dysphoria caused by invega...

but i will trust in the lord. i will call upon the name of jesus.

synpase321 09-28-2012 11:08 PM

Re: My psychotic history
 
[QUOTE=koolguy;5063790]i have two months to go until invega is out of my system...

and i dont feel like doing the things i should because of anxiousness about akathisia and also dysphoria caused by invega...

but i will trust in the lord. i will call upon the name of jesus.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for updating.

Here's me keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Take care.

koolguy 10-07-2012 10:49 PM

Re: My psychotic history
 
during my psychosis I wasnt necessarily hearing voices but random thoughts were popping up that were giving me ideas.

for several years I was convinced that I was being drugged forcibly and come back and fourth uni while paranoid about a weird headache. not only headaches but I also felt this scared feeling coming up. now I know that it is a stage of done some kind of eps...

I was convinced that a ray gun was irradiating my head wherever I went and also making my face tickle in order to break me. I ended up touching my face repeatly to show my fight back to the machine that's touching my face.

I was driving at the time back and fourth home and uni and soon I was receiving message from cars and billboards, those advertisements were there to relay messages using me as a kind of computer.

synpase321 10-08-2012 06:01 AM

Re: My psychotic history
 
[QUOTE=koolguy;5068836]during my psychosis I wasnt necessarily hearing voices but random thoughts were popping up that were giving me ideas.

for several years I was convinced that I was being drugged forcibly and come back and fourth uni while paranoid about a weird headache. not only headaches but I also felt this scared feeling coming up. now I know that it is a stage of done some kind of eps...

I was convinced that a ray gun was irradiating my head wherever I went and also making my face tickle in order to break me. I ended up touching my face repeatly to show my fight back to the machine that's touching my face.

I was driving at the time back and fourth home and uni and soon I was receiving message from cars and billboards, those advertisements were there to relay messages using me as a kind of computer.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for sharing this.

At the height of my psychosis I had delusions the FBI were after me and

I was an important spy. The medication brought it under control.

My query now is from what you have posted that the very drug that helps

me - risperidone - could be responsible for making me have panic attacks.

I am patiently waiting Koolguy to see whether the switch to

Clozapine does the trick for you. I am praying that it will work for you.

If I ask to be put on clozapine then I have to go in as an

inpatient which is not ideal.

koolguy 10-08-2012 11:06 PM

Re: My psychotic history
 
[QUOTE=synpase321;5068916]Thanks for sharing this.

At the height of my psychosis I had delusions the FBI were after me and

I was an important spy. The medication brought it under control.

My query now is from what you have posted that the very drug that helps

me - risperidone - could be responsible for making me have panic attacks.

I am patiently waiting Koolguy to see whether the switch to

Clozapine does the trick for you. I am praying that it will work for you.

If I ask to be put on clozapine then I have to go in as an

inpatient which is not ideal.[/QUOTE]

I'm outpatient with clozapine

synpase321 10-09-2012 05:20 AM

Re: My psychotic history
 
[QUOTE=koolguy;5069349]I'm outpatient with clozapine[/QUOTE]

I believe in the UK you have to be an inpatient last time I asked but I will double check.

How is you anxiety, Koolguy?

Regards

koolguy 10-09-2012 07:23 PM

Re: My psychotic history
 
[QUOTE=synpase321;5069464]I believe in the UK you have to be an inpatient last time I asked but I will double check.

How is you anxiety, Koolguy?

Regards[/QUOTE]

i get anxious at times but i can manage it by meditating.

this is different from uneasy feeling and agitation from EPS. this is manageable.

synpase321 10-10-2012 10:25 AM

Re: My psychotic history
 
[QUOTE=koolguy;5069847]i get anxious at times but i can manage it by meditating.

this is different from uneasy feeling and agitation from EPS. this is manageable.[/QUOTE]

Hi

Would you say the panic from extra pyramidal side effects (EPS) from meds has now gone and are now left with mild anxiety that doesn't break through into a full panic attack or (Akathisia) and as you say is more manageable?

Regards.

koolguy 10-11-2012 05:17 AM

Re: My psychotic history
 
[QUOTE=synpase321;5070146]Hi

Would you say the panic from extra pyramidal side effects (EPS) from meds has now gone and are now left with mild anxiety that doesn't break through into a full panic attack or (Akathisia) and as you say is more manageable?

Regards.[/QUOTE]
yes.

synpase321 10-11-2012 07:38 AM

Re: My psychotic history
 
[QUOTE=koolguy;5070584]yes.[/QUOTE]

I am really happy for you, Koolguy.

Next time I see the consultant I will mention you as a case study to try

and relieve my anxiety from EPS.

Can I just confirm that you are only on clozapine and nothing else?

Thanks

Regards

koolguy 10-24-2012 02:02 AM

Re: My psychotic history
 
[QUOTE=synpase321;5070629]I am really happy for you, Koolguy.

Next time I see the consultant I will mention you as a case study to try

and relieve my anxiety from EPS.

Can I just confirm that you are only on clozapine and nothing else?

Thanks

Regards[/QUOTE]
Took two months(?) to lower invega sustenna and lower olanzapine and now i'm only on clozapine. Last invega injection happened more than 3 weeks ago.


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