So, this has been going on for a while. I don't remember how long but it's not recent, it just hadn't occurred to me that it could be a serious issue until lately. In a day I'll be nineteen.
So, first of all I'm paranoid. I recognize that I'm paranoid, but I still believe the thoughts and act upon them when necessary. Like my friends secretly don't want to talk to me, if someone says I look good they're lying, There are cameras almost everywhere (I don't wear jewelry. Tiny invisible cameras), people can hear my thoughts. Not just one person. Everyone. But that is usually only a problem with groups... I'm not a sociable person. It's not that I don't like people. It's that I am under the strong belief that people don't like me.
I failed all of my college classes. I can't focus for the life of me, I forget just about everything, and I have no motivation at all. And when I say I have no motivation, I mean for anything. I can't force myself to keep hygienic, I can't stick to any project I start, school is just terrible because of it.
I sleep. So much. A minimum of twelve hours a day if someone doesn't wake me up. Sometimes more, and I try not to. I slept through my alarm clock and an entire day of school once. I want to stay awake, I try, but I can't.
One of these days I'll be able to move things with my mind. This I KNOW sounds ridiculous, but I just know it. I can feel it there.
Last but not least. My father has Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But the thing is... No hallucinations?
I just really need some advice. :I
One more thing? Because of all the anxiety I have I'm still dependent on family. How exactly do I tell them about all this... They're going to call me a hypochondriac or just justify everything I tell them, and that's not paranoia, it's a fact.
people can have schizophrenia without experiencing hallucinations. it sounds like you are definitely struggling from paranoia, if not paranoid delusions, and this can be a result of a few different disorders, schizophrenia included. if it runs in your family it is super important to talk to a professional, because early diagnosis can make a HUGE difference.
the fact that you are having problems with hygiene and motivation can point to schizophrenia, or to depression. it is important to sort out what is rooted in mood and what is rooted in the negative symptoms of a psychotic illness.
regardless of your diagnosis, your feelings are valid. you're obviously suffering and that needs to be addressed, either though therapy or medication.
it was hard for my family to understand at first but they did in time. people either get scared and cut you out of their life or they thing you are lying and exaggerating for attention, at least that was my experience. but a professional can help you figure out how to tell friends and family about your struggles. labels are not important at this point, you just want them to know and have sympathy for what you are experiencing.
the last thing i have to add is to ask about drug use, because this can make a huge difference in delusions and paranoia. i am not trying to make your experiences less valid by asking this, it's just an important question. i know i had psychosis before drugs were ever in the picture, but drugs can play a role in all of this.
