garaa447

ok so im not really much of a talker or long posts but here it goes

over the last couple days ive been thinking more and more about it and im becomming more and more terrified of the thought of it so lets start with how i think i act.

i hardly bathe its a pain for my parrents to get me to or even brush my teeth.
i cant hold a job idk why i eather loose intrest and start calling out frequently

just today when i went to the gas station to get a pack of smokes i could barly get what i wanted to say out i had a hard time swiping my card couldnt really do the whole "well i need to do this" and get myselft to do it, like i new i needed to swipe my card but my body was having a hard time doing it, if that makes any sence

i have these weierd uncontrollable things that i do one of them is this wierd grin/noise thing. but i only seem to do it when no 1 is looking but sometimes people see me/hear me doing it and think im retarded or something.

when i get tought something and have to reapply it right after i forget what i just leared it happened to me allthrougt high school.

like the teacher would teach us somehting and they would then give us a test right after and would fail most of the time and they would have to reteach me like 3 times before i was able to retain the info.

i know what im about to say is gonna sound crazy but here it goes ive never told anyone this before.

i sometimes argue with/talk to myself in my head and ive had full conversations with myself in my head

i used to also have a lot of friends but now im down to a hand full and the ones i used to have i dont know how to explain it but they seem to want to ignore me.

i have sever anxity and trust issues for example with my gf i constantly thing she is cheating on me when i know she isnt.

i have raceing thoughs that i cant seem to keep up with and i also stop and have to rethink what i was bout to say like i forgot what i was going to say as i was saying it if that makes sence which i am doing as i type this.

another thing ive noticed is that when i smoke the symptoms seem to lessen a little bit but not enough they kinda calm me down i dont really know how to explain it. and ive tried quitting 3 or 4 times but everytime i do the symptoms come back. i smoke like 1-2 sigs a hr some times.

idk how to explain this next one but here it goes,

sometimes i feel as if im not here/incontroll of my body like i black out for 2 secound and when i come back i cant move. i can see,hear and all that but i think to myself comeon move lift your hand do something and i eventualy snap out of it and dosent last for more then 20 secounds.

i also have really bad mode swings and everyone notices that, and when i play my xbox or something i get really irritable and turn into a totally different person.

well there it goes im scared to tell my perrents about this cause there just going to be its all in your head your fine and stuff like that.

i also have social withdrawls and stay to myslef most of the time

i was also diagnosed when i was young with adhd and recently bipolar

i also get really hooked on something and about half way through it i give up or put it off.