Re: This world is my dream
One of the hardest things I myself had to go through was to find the right doctor. My first one also basically chased me away. He said he can't help me if I try to impress him. I was just being honest for the first time in my life to get some help and he treated me as if I was trying to play a joke on him or something. Like someone would pay the outrages fees they charge to try to be funny.
After that my situation got allot worse and I got really violent. ( I might sound quite immoral of me, but the ******* died recently and I was pretty happy. Now no one else who wants help would have to go to the emotional pain inflicted by that poor excuse for a doctor ). Only my 4th doctor really listened to my situation and try to help me. It is a struggle, but once you find the right doctor for you, things start to look better.
I also had the experience of the voices threatening me. Mine was more if I tried to get close to someone, they would force me to kill them. When a friend made me my first appointment with that ******* doctor, they threatened to make me kill my family if I went.
But hang in there. Find the right doctor for you. Someone who you can trust and that believes you. Also try to find some reality checks for yourself. I read about this somewhere and it really helped me when I started to get confused what was real or not. It can be anything. I usually use something concrete that I know is real, and than bass all of my other observations on this and try to judge for myself. It does not always work, but it helped me out of a few bad situations.
Hope you get the help you deserve.
“And suddenly he knew that he had never found gratification in love, but always only in hatred—in hating and in being hated.”
― Patrick Süskind