On June 26th, I had a really bad case of sleep paralysis. I was a little scared afterwards, but I didn't think much more of it. I became slightly scared/paranoid of it happening again, but not much else.
On July 10th, stuff started hitting the fan. Later at night (between 10-11 PM), I went into my bathroom and saw a demon in my bathtub for what couldn't have been more than a few seconds, then I jumped away, and when I looked back, it was gone. This is when my anxiety about having schizophrenia kicked in. It consumed my thoughts, and I could not think about anything else-whether I was actually schizophrenic or not. My anxiety levels were over 9000, and I really didn't know what to do.
On July 15th, around 6 PM, I could've sworn I had heard my mother crying from the basement. I went to check on her, and she was in the kitchen, eating dinner. I went back to my room, and it started up again. I put my ear to the floorboard, and nothing. Plugged my ears, and nothing. My sister and mom were watching TV, so it could've been that, but it's at this point that my fear of it has started to literally make me feel like I'm breaking down.
Over the past week or so, I've been experiencing
-Loss of appetite-I don't eat much anymore. Before, I felt like I could eat dump truck loads. It feels like I'm essentially forcing myself to eat.
-Just very....out of it, I guess? A few days ago, my head felt like it was stuck in liquid concrete and very foggy.
-Weird thoughts in my head. It goes something like this "I wonder if the black polka dot on my bed can tal-OH MY GOD. THAT IS LITERALLY THE DUMBEST S--- I'VE EVER HEARD. JESUS CHRIST, LESLIE." This is all one singular voice in my head, not any multiple voices, but the thoughts occasionally pop in there and that's how I react!
-I'll be scared of creaks in the house, think my head's making them up, and I'll ask my mom and she hears them too.
-Seeing things out of the corner of my eye. I've been seeing black splotches/figures, only to turn my head and a) they're not there or b) something else entirely
I've been trying to contact my therapist, and I don't know what's going on but she's not picking up. I see her in 3 weeks, and I'm going to a seminar in the (safe part) of Detroit starting this weekend for a week.
I don't know if this is rabid anxiety, or I'm legitimately developing something. I'm scared out of my mind.
EDIT: I should also add that I have Asperger's Syndrome, have had bouts of severe depression/anxiety, and am an 18 year old female.
Last edited by lalaleslie; 07-18-2013 at 07:00 AM.
these things can be very scary, and i'm sorry you're experiencing them. but remember, a lot of things can cause hallucinations and these type of experiences that isn't schizophrenia. you are right to want to talk to a professional, because it is not good to self diagnose.
usually schizophrenia inhibits cognitive function so much that people don't know they're "losing it" though they are exceptions. you don't sound delusional, but i'm not a specialist.
i hope you get relief soon. regardless of whether it is indeed schizophrenia or not it is equally frightening and i feel for you.
I agree with soapandstars. You have too much insight to have Schizophrenia. Schizophrenic people don't realize that their thoughts and behaviors are strange, and you clearly recognize that your thoughts and behaviors are.
That said, you might just be having severe panic attacks. I know it sounds like much more than a panic attack, but those attacks can do very strange things to a person, especially if you also suffer from depression.
I have hallucinations, but I also have mood swings. With both of these symptoms, I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder. I was told that it was a milder form of Schizophrenia wherein the person usually has quite a bit of insight into the compulsions, etc. but they still can't help but follow the complusions anyway.
You say you have depression, bu if you are actually having mood swings (the highs as well as the lows), you might want to tell your therapist, because this is very hard to diagnose otherwise (other than "self-reporting"). My therapist said that most people get diagnosed with depression when they're actually Bi-polar, etc., because all the therapist sees is when the person is on a low swing (as the high swing doesn't last very long at all).
Hey there lele , do not be frightened because from what I have read from your post it does not sound like schizophrenia in the slightest.
Somebody with schizophrenia would not be logging the incidents and the time they occurred to confirm there own sanity or as a way to diagnose themselves.
A person suffering with schizophrenia in the stages your describing visual hallucinations and acute paranoia would be in a mental hospital down to losing touch with reality. The fact you are so aware of these occurrences suggests you can see the difference between what is normal in your human experience and what is not.
It sounds to me that all this talking to yourself could be down to a huge number of factors as not having many people to talk to. A lot of people who work nights or study alot and there life restricts a lot of social interaction can often find themselves just talking to themselves. This can of course become a habit over a long period of time combine that with tiredness and lack of sleep from all the worry you have seems normal so do not put that down to anything too serious.
If you very frightened from anxiety or fear you will be able to hear a pin drop , so all this creaking other people wont notice as its not important or they are less sensitive to it.
So really try to stay calm get some people to support you so that if you are feeling afraid and all these events are making things more difficult than they should be friends and family and support that will make you feel safer would probably change things dramatically.
I don't know how much this will help but I am a pure o ocd sufferer and i have had fears about being schizophrenic or getting it. When I talked to my doctor she said I had too much insight of what my thoughts were. You sound like you have a lot of insight to your thoughts, this is something a general schizophrenic wouldn't have. They wouldn't name their thread ''I Am Terrified'' or even posting a help thread in the first place. I am not a doctor, but this is my opinion.