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Old 07-18-2013, 05:56 AM   #1
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I Am Terrified.

On June 26th, I had a really bad case of sleep paralysis. I was a little scared afterwards, but I didn't think much more of it. I became slightly scared/paranoid of it happening again, but not much else.

On July 10th, stuff started hitting the fan. Later at night (between 10-11 PM), I went into my bathroom and saw a demon in my bathtub for what couldn't have been more than a few seconds, then I jumped away, and when I looked back, it was gone. This is when my anxiety about having schizophrenia kicked in. It consumed my thoughts, and I could not think about anything else-whether I was actually schizophrenic or not. My anxiety levels were over 9000, and I really didn't know what to do.

On July 15th, around 6 PM, I could've sworn I had heard my mother crying from the basement. I went to check on her, and she was in the kitchen, eating dinner. I went back to my room, and it started up again. I put my ear to the floorboard, and nothing. Plugged my ears, and nothing. My sister and mom were watching TV, so it could've been that, but it's at this point that my fear of it has started to literally make me feel like I'm breaking down.

Over the past week or so, I've been experiencing

-Loss of appetite-I don't eat much anymore. Before, I felt like I could eat dump truck loads. It feels like I'm essentially forcing myself to eat.
-Just very....out of it, I guess? A few days ago, my head felt like it was stuck in liquid concrete and very foggy.
-Weird thoughts in my head. It goes something like this "I wonder if the black polka dot on my bed can tal-OH MY GOD. THAT IS LITERALLY THE DUMBEST S--- I'VE EVER HEARD. JESUS CHRIST, LESLIE." This is all one singular voice in my head, not any multiple voices, but the thoughts occasionally pop in there and that's how I react!
-I'll be scared of creaks in the house, think my head's making them up, and I'll ask my mom and she hears them too.
-Seeing things out of the corner of my eye. I've been seeing black splotches/figures, only to turn my head and a) they're not there or b) something else entirely

I've been trying to contact my therapist, and I don't know what's going on but she's not picking up. I see her in 3 weeks, and I'm going to a seminar in the (safe part) of Detroit starting this weekend for a week.

I don't know if this is rabid anxiety, or I'm legitimately developing something. I'm scared out of my mind.

EDIT: I should also add that I have Asperger's Syndrome, have had bouts of severe depression/anxiety, and am an 18 year old female.

Last edited by lalaleslie; 07-18-2013 at 06:00 AM.

 
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Old 07-24-2013, 05:01 PM   #2
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Re: I Am Terrified.

these things can be very scary, and i'm sorry you're experiencing them. but remember, a lot of things can cause hallucinations and these type of experiences that isn't schizophrenia. you are right to want to talk to a professional, because it is not good to self diagnose.

usually schizophrenia inhibits cognitive function so much that people don't know they're "losing it" though they are exceptions. you don't sound delusional, but i'm not a specialist.

i hope you get relief soon. regardless of whether it is indeed schizophrenia or not it is equally frightening and i feel for you.

 
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Old 08-26-2013, 10:43 PM   #3
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Re: I Am Terrified.

I agree with soapandstars. You have too much insight to have Schizophrenia. Schizophrenic people don't realize that their thoughts and behaviors are strange, and you clearly recognize that your thoughts and behaviors are.

That said, you might just be having severe panic attacks. I know it sounds like much more than a panic attack, but those attacks can do very strange things to a person, especially if you also suffer from depression.

I have hallucinations, but I also have mood swings. With both of these symptoms, I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder. I was told that it was a milder form of Schizophrenia wherein the person usually has quite a bit of insight into the compulsions, etc. but they still can't help but follow the complusions anyway.

You say you have depression, bu if you are actually having mood swings (the highs as well as the lows), you might want to tell your therapist, because this is very hard to diagnose otherwise (other than "self-reporting"). My therapist said that most people get diagnosed with depression when they're actually Bi-polar, etc., because all the therapist sees is when the person is on a low swing (as the high swing doesn't last very long at all).

 
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Old 09-01-2013, 02:18 AM   #4
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Re: I Am Terrified.

Hey there lele , do not be frightened because from what I have read from your post it does not sound like schizophrenia in the slightest.

Somebody with schizophrenia would not be logging the incidents and the time they occurred to confirm there own sanity or as a way to diagnose themselves.

A person suffering with schizophrenia in the stages your describing visual hallucinations and acute paranoia would be in a mental hospital down to losing touch with reality. The fact you are so aware of these occurrences suggests you can see the difference between what is normal in your human experience and what is not.

It sounds to me that all this talking to yourself could be down to a huge number of factors as not having many people to talk to. A lot of people who work nights or study alot and there life restricts a lot of social interaction can often find themselves just talking to themselves. This can of course become a habit over a long period of time combine that with tiredness and lack of sleep from all the worry you have seems normal so do not put that down to anything too serious.

If you very frightened from anxiety or fear you will be able to hear a pin drop , so all this creaking other people wont notice as its not important or they are less sensitive to it.

So really try to stay calm get some people to support you so that if you are feeling afraid and all these events are making things more difficult than they should be friends and family and support that will make you feel safer would probably change things dramatically.

All the best

 
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Old 10-06-2013, 08:44 AM   #5
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Re: I Am Terrified.

I don't know how much this will help but I am a pure o ocd sufferer and i have had fears about being schizophrenic or getting it. When I talked to my doctor she said I had too much insight of what my thoughts were. You sound like you have a lot of insight to your thoughts, this is something a general schizophrenic wouldn't have. They wouldn't name their thread ''I Am Terrified'' or even posting a help thread in the first place. I am not a doctor, but this is my opinion.

Please take care

 
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Old 01-23-2014, 05:10 AM   #6
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Re: I Am Terrified.

I am absolutely delayed on making a response for this post, however, what could it hurt?

I noticed immediately in a lot of the comments, the distortion of information that has been noted incorrectly.

To begin with, an individual with Schizophrenia is not incoherent or "out of it" as one may say. In fact, Schizophrenic's not only test with high I.Q. results, but are able to be entirely coherent during the experience of an episode. This is because Schizophrenia does not range from severe to psycho only. Schizophrenia ranges from minimal experiences (hearing your name whispered once in your lifetime) to dangerously severe experiences (consistent hallucinations and delusions). I only say this as I am a college student in Psychopathology with a major in Schizophrenia and Sleep Paralysis, as well as a diagnosed Schizophrenic individual, myself. If I were "out of it", obtaining a college degree would not have been possible for me.

In turn to this, after my diagnosis of Schizophrenia, I began documenting times, dates, and experiences with each episode of tantrums, hallucinations, feelings of delusion, and more. With that, it is possible for one with Schizophrenia to document coherently.

With this, it has also been noted that Schizophrenic members may not be aware that their behaviors or thoughts are abnormal, but this can only be considered partially true. Schizophrenia was given a quote by a well known doctor named Sigmund Freud and the quote was "Schizophrenia is like finger-prints. No two are the same." Individuals that contain severe levels of Schizophrenia may not be able to become coherent to their environment during an episode, while other individuals of Schizophrenia that are moderate are able to be entirely coherent to their behaviors, thoughts, emotions, etc. In an example, there is a young girl by the name of Janie who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia at the age of six, I believe. When asked regarding her Schizophrenia, she knew what she saw were hallucinations and responded with "When I look at the ceiling, I am watching my hallucinations." Entirely aware that her behavior of looking upward means she is in the phase of a hallucination. However, when asked questions during other episode experiences, the episodes had been so severe, she was unable to respond.

However, to end on this note, in reading what I have of your post, it seems you do not have Schizophrenia per se. However, there is a study that shows all persons in the world experience a symptoms of Schizophrenia in some form or another. With that being said, in science, the belief in God is even considered a delusion. A delusion is an unshakable belief (such as aliens abducting you without proof of their existence), where a hallucination is viewing due to the lack of stimuli in sensory organs (seeing what you believe is an alien appear).

To better assist, here are the symptoms of Schizophrenia:
- Hallucinations
- Delusions
- Loss of functioning in emotion
- Loss of motivation
- The inability to hold a job or goal for an extended period of time
- Paranoia
- The ability to remain motionless for extended periods of time (Catatonic Schizophrenia)

Always check with a professional. Even if it may be that you are in the clear of a mental disorder.

 
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Old 01-27-2014, 03:41 AM   #7
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Re: I Am Terrified.

Thank you UserRequired.
I am interested in your record keeping - how detailed you make your notes or simply times and key wording.My daughter is hearing voices. She tends to leave company or go out of the house to walk and talk to herself.
I not sure if I am interrupting her coping mechanisms. If I encourage her to talk to her voices in front of me.
I would like to help place a safe strucure for her. Keeping records seems like a good start.

 
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Old 01-27-2014, 03:43 AM   #8
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Thumbs up Re: I Am Terrified.

Thank you UserRequired.
I am interested in your record keeping - how detailed you make your notes or simply times and key wording.My daughter is hearing voices. She tends to leave company or go out of the house to walk and talk to herself.
I not sure if I am interrupting her coping mechanisms. If I encourage her to talk to her voices in front of me.
I would like to help place a safe strucure for her. Keeping records seems like a good start.

 
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Old 02-02-2014, 01:47 PM   #9
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Re: I Am Terrified.

to user required, and anyone else who is curious: it is true, not all schizophrenics have severe cognitive disturbances. when i was getting sick i knew something was wrong, instinctively. i didn't know i had a psychotic illness, but i sought help because things just felt very "off."

at my worst i lose all lucidity, but often times i retain it. even as someone who is normally eloquent, a straight A psychology student, and scores high on testing, sometimes i have the intellectual capacity of someone much more disabled. cognitive impairments are only part of the picture for some, and at least a number of professionals consider it the norm. the are a various schools of thought though, and the information is constantly changing, and i think a lot of us who suffer from psychotic illnesses find that it varies a lot from day to day as to how afflicted we are and how much it interferes with our normal functioning.

but back to the point: i think it's important to remember that people can experience hallucinations without actually having schizophrenia. you mention aspergers and i know my brother, who has aspergeres, has had some psychotic symptoms. same with people with anxiety, bipolar, depression, etc. so i would seek help but in the meanwhile try not to worry. hopefully you will find relief soon! there are a lot of potential treatments, supplements, medications, and therapies out there and you may, if you have the courage to talk about it, find something that works for you.

Last edited by soapandstars; 02-02-2014 at 01:48 PM.

 
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