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Old 07-31-2005, 08:51 PM   #1
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woodfaery HB User
Friend who wants to Cut

Hi, I am not a cutter. My friend who I care about sporatically talks about wanting to cut herself and I really dont know how to talk to her about it. When I asked her if its because she wants to feel "alive" I mention that maybe we could go get tatoos together or a peircing. This is the only thing I keep knowing what to say to her, otherwise I am speechless when she mentions feeling the urge to cut herself. Part of me wants to relate, but cant at all. Even at times I find I dont know what to tell her and wish she would talk about something else. I just simply to do not know how to reply to when she mentions these urges to cut herself. The last time she mentioned the cutting urge she said over the phone that she cut herself with the scissors on her wrists. The next time I saw her, I conspicuousely looked at her wrists and saw nothing. Please help me understand what is going on with her, and what I can say that may be more helpful. I just dont know what to do, but I can see she has not cut herself on her arms or her wrists as she has mentioned before. What is all this about? What can I do to help her?
WF

 
Old 08-01-2005, 08:06 AM   #2
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Derangea HB User
Re: Friend who wants to Cut

I'm glad you found it here to ask about it. Some people I've encountered through the years mention cutting to others as a way of getting attention or more so maybe a cry for help. Especially when they say they did cut but its obvius that they didn't. What kind of mood is she in when she talks about it? How does she come off like?
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Old 08-01-2005, 02:23 PM   #3
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woodfaery HB User
Re: Friend who wants to Cut

Hi Derangea thanks for responding. My friend is depressed, and she is a majority of the time depressed. I have not seen any kind of marks or anything, no cuts. She also wears clothes that I can see most of her body. I havent seen anything, like cuts or cutting sores. Sometimes I think she is trying to get a reaction when she mentions the cutting but I dont really react I try to be realistic as possible. She mentions this to her fiancee too, and he is frustrated. Hes my best friend and she is his fiancee (and sort of a new friend to me) She is really nice, I like much about her but the cutting thing she mentions out of the blue is confusing. She doesnt work, and is a stay at home mom. I dont understand why she would try to hurt herself when she has a two year old that she loves. Sometimes I think she is so depressed because she is not excited about her life, and that mentioning cutting brings reactions from others. I just dont know, I care about her a lot though and wish I understood better.
WF

 
Old 08-02-2005, 05:49 AM   #4
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Derangea HB User
Re: Friend who wants to Cut

Ok, now I have a better picture. Maybe right now in her life she feels almost trapped. Or maybe its even dull to her. She knows what to expect from each day, maybe she has a repetative routine. After a while you almost become disassociated with things around you and cutting is almost a way of breaking the cycle. Its so real that it snaps you back in. Maybe she doesn't know this directly but it sounds to me that that might be what she's reaching for. If she mentions cutting, draw attention to her depression and kind of stray away from asking about cutting. Ask her questions about herself. Maybe she doesn't feel interesting anymore, and maybe to her cutting will make her feel interesting. I'm not telling you to be her therapist but cutting is a very personal thing, and if she's bringing it up out of the blue, its fine to fire back with personal questions. Thats all I can suggest right now, knowing what I know. Good luck and keep us updated
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Old 08-02-2005, 07:50 PM   #5
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woodfaery HB User
Re: Friend who wants to Cut

Thank you so much, your imput is so helpful or at least gives me a better picture too. Its all so confusing. She is mentioning depression a lot and I have been talking with her about the depression. She has not mentioned cutting much as of the last few days. She is doing more with her fiancee, and he understands she is depressed too. He is very supportive and caring. I am happy that she has us here for support, but at the same time she probably really needs to figure out what it is that can help balance out the depression. She does realize that when you are depressed you have to work at changing...but shes not there yet. She seems to be in a rut, and no one can do anything to help change that. Believe me I have tried taking her out of her house and for rides, and it was miserable for her. She was smiling today, so I can see that inside she wants to be happy. She is beautiful person, maybe one day she will see all the beauty and greatness others see in her. One day.
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom, I am just really thankful. This board is really great and glad that theres a place people can reach out about this stuff.
WF

 
Old 08-03-2005, 06:38 AM   #6
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Derangea HB User
Re: Friend who wants to Cut

Depression is such a hard thing to snap out of. Most people think, wow I'm depressed so I'll just take an antidepressant and I should feel better. No no no... it doesn't work that way. Trust me, I've taken 8 different antidepressants and most of them had made me worse. BUT what you might want to reccoment to her is taking an over-the-counter supplement that you can get a drugstores and definetley at a GNC. Its called 5-HTP. I started taking it just a couple days ago so I haven't given it time for my system to recognize it yet to see if its working. Many so many people swear by it. A couple people I know that take it say that they actually feel like themselves again and are definetley more outgoing and dont strayaway and withdraw as much. Its amazing. BUt then again everyone is different. Try looking it up on the internet to get more information. Maybe mention it to you friend to see if she might want to try it. If she is iffy about taking pills just remind her that its basically like a vitamin almost. Gives you things in your body that it cant produce on its own sometimes. Good luck!
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-DERANGEA
"All credibility, all good conscience, all evidence of truth come only from the senses."

 
Old 08-24-2005, 09:39 PM   #7
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123grl HB User
Re: Friend who wants to Cut

u mentioned trying to be able to understand and relate to her and saying the right thing to her but really all she needs is someone to listen to her listen to what she's saying and don't worry about not having a response u can just mirror what she is saying (repeat in ur own words/ interpret)

example:
"i hate my life i want to cut myself"
"ur really upset aren't you?"
"yeah..."

see what i mean

btw how old r u guys do her parents know about any of whats going on - they should especially before she starts taking any drugs

someone should talk to her parents, u can get thru to them thru s/o else if u want like a guidance councelor or teacher

ood luck

 
Old 08-25-2005, 05:00 AM   #8
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knotme HB User
Re: Friend who wants to Cut

quick note: cutting can be done anywhere on the body. I've heard FTM TG that cut their breasts.

when i used to cut, I felt it was the only thing I have control over. I have power over my own life. Deep enough, not quite enough to die; not today, but I can end my life anytime. Then I would pick and scratch the scab to make it bleed. After therapy, I use a rubber band instead. I snap the rubber band when I start to feel that way.

don't confront her and accuse your friend of faking or attention seeking. You'll only make her feel guilty and worthless, a real failure. If she did cut, she prob won't tell you because the shame and guilt would make it worse. Just stay by her side and be there for her, spend as much time with her as you can. DO NOT offer her alcohol. You don't want her to get in a tub of hot water and slit her wrist. Trust me, it's very easy to die that way.

Last edited by knotme; 08-25-2005 at 05:32 AM.

 
Old 12-02-2005, 10:20 PM   #9
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mine7791 HB User
Re: Friend who wants to Cut

Hi. I have a daughter who is a cutter. She says she has emotional baggage and cutting helps release the pain and direct her thoughts to other places. She craves the feeling and enjoys seeing the 'blood running down her limbs'. I'm very concerned. I have her seeing a counselor but I don't know that it is helping. Any ideas?

 
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