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Old 07-10-2006, 04:57 AM   #1
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sk1pp3r HB User
Maybe i was just bored?????



Hello,

I started SI when i was about 17 due to a really bad relationship, ive done it on and off for the past 5 years. I hadnt SI all this year untill a few nights ago.
I just had the 'urge' to, nothing triggered it, nothing really bad is happeneing in my life, everything is ok and good for me right now, so why did i do it?

Maybe i was just bored!!????

Any opionions would be great!

Last edited by sk1pp3r; 07-10-2006 at 04:58 AM.

 
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Old 07-10-2006, 06:47 AM   #2
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Re: Maybe i was just bored?????

self harm althougth we stop it the urges still can come back maybe somewhere inside you wanted to know what it would feel like again, would you get the same feelings from doing it. i dont think it was bordem althougth did you know bordem is a form of anger? and si is too
how are you feeling now about it?

 
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Old 07-10-2006, 07:30 AM   #3
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sk1pp3r HB User
Re: Maybe i was just bored?????

Hi Lorri thank you so much for your reply....

To be honest, ive been thinking about it a fair bit. Mainly because when i si in the past i was so paranoid about scars and what people would say and think that i tried so hard to cover them up. But the thing is, im going on holiday in a few weeks and most of my scars are healed and barley noticable except for the new one. For some reason i cut on my stomach, somewhere i never si before so now im worried someone will comment on the mark when im on my holiday.

I would say im in a completly differnt place now than i was all those years ago. I have a fantasic boyfriend of 3 years and a job i enjoy, family life is going well and everything is ok with my friends. I just cant think why i done it

One thing that springs to mind is that ive never had any professional help, i guess you could say ive helped myself as much as i could. The only person who knows about my si is my mum and she was really in denial about it and gave me a hard time

I guess deep deep down, i would like to talk about it but i dont know who to turn to. I've had a failed suicide attempt in the past and opened up to my boyfriend who i am with now about it and a really close friend, but i just cant seem to talk about my si......wow, ive just realised ive typed more than i initially felt i needed to

Please reply

 
Old 07-10-2006, 02:28 PM   #4
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Re: Maybe i was just bored?????

hi. i guess subconsiously if not consciously you remembered how much you struggled before cutting in a place where it was noticable. its quite common that pepople cut in less noticable places.
self harm isnt just about the action.you may have stopped the cutting but it dosnt remove the feelings and emotons that triggered you to do it in the first place. like you said having not recieved any support maybe you still could do with some. its like a drinker who drinks to block out a painfull event once they stop drinking soon enougth the 'soberness' and clearer thinking will prob reserface those feelings.
maybe you have managed not to cut but did you turn to something else? that to is common we replace one coping mechnism for another. for us that self harm it is that we dont think much of ourselves, did your self harm calm down when you met your boyfriend? asking because he has probably shown you the care and attention that you found hard to give to yourself? i have found that sometimes the times we struggle isnt always in the mist of it but when things calm down, for example when i moved into my flat things were hard but everything was still new and stimulating, i had lots to focas on, my struggles came when i had eventually brought everything i wanted and had made it nice, maybe this has been a little bitlike this for you? maybe now you feel settled and secured and everything apperars to be going alright, that in fact now is probably when old feelings will resurface? i dunno if any of this makes sence to you? just a thought
as for getting help, i think you should, you need to treat the problem before it escalates again, life is one long consistant battle sadly we may fear we have left it behind but it never really goes away untill we address it, its like for example, imagine you were shot and the bullet became logged in your arm you could cover it up with a plaster to decrease the bleeding and it may heal enougth to leave the plaster off but at some point that bullet needs to be removed, most probably an infection will occur and at first trying to remove it could be very painfull but it is only when it is removed can it fianly heal

as for the hoilday i think with your family already knowing about the past difficultys if they do see your scars you may need to be prepared for their concern which will probably express, but maybe in a roundabout way they may help to get you help, family can do so much but when they are unknowledable about si it is cruical we gain professional support,

take care, keep posting hope this has helped and makes sence
lorri

 
Old 07-17-2006, 09:23 PM   #5
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A diffrent kind HB User
Re: Maybe i was just bored?????

Hello there it is very good that u stop but i think you wanted to b/c u had that felling and you know how great it fells to do it and thought maybe you should.When you fell like that do somethng to get your mind off!!!

 
Old 09-21-2006, 06:45 PM   #6
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sirazor HB User
Re: Maybe i was just bored?????

yea. ever since i started/stopped, when i get bored, i always feel like cutting

 
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