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Old 10-28-2006, 01:32 PM   #1
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Unhappy Cant stop

i have cut,punched, banged my head several times and sprinkled boiling water on myself once. my big thing is cutting my thighs cos no one can see. ive just started treatment for depression and anxiety, im on prozac, im 18 and no one knows a thing.i seem so normal.

i was at my docs this week and told her of the urges i was having, i was a nervous wreck in the offuice so i gave her a crap impression of how i was doing this week, she said she was really worried about me. i freaked out thinking shw would call the dudes in white coats.i freaked out thinkign she'd want to check, can they check. i have urges to SH other places now too, like my arms although its to obvious or my stomach, if i did-would she check,if i told her i did it wold she have to have a look??

i lied and told her i didnt self harm, i dont think she belived me but didnt argue. truth is i hacked my thighs,ive done over 50 cuts, but now it just looks like red scratches(does this qualify for serious self harm-cos maybe if its not so bad nothing will happen). its just, she wants me to do CBT, but i cant. i cant stop cutting, i like it , i know its wrong but there is no other way to cope. should i tell her i do it?? she knows i did it months ago before i sought help, she thinks ive quit. but i cant. she said if i self harmed theyd call a specilist, a psychiatrist, its mean my illness has reached another level. please help, im scared, i know that honesty is the only way ill get better, but its soo hard. will she put me in hospital, i simply cant go there, im 18, at UNI, living at home, seem normal and i will not tell anyone else-i cant just up and leave for a psychiatric unit!! please help, what should i do?! xox

 
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Old 10-30-2006, 05:04 AM   #2
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Re: Cant stop

in all the time ive been with my doc shes never asked to see my cuts..once i asked why she didnt ask to see them and she just told me it wasnt important..i have had a doc who did ask to see if i told her i had been cutting but even then i only showed some..i guess it just depends on the doc..you can only be t aken to the hospital if your a danger to yourself or someone else..you dont just go becasue your cutting from an involuntary standpoint..if you want help with it then tell your doc the truth..she cant work with what she doesnt know about..tell her and see what she has to say or what advice..my doc has yet to tell me flat out to stop..she tells me to use other coping skills first and s/i as a las result..hope it works out for you
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Old 12-30-2006, 10:06 PM   #3
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Re: Cant stop

Since I was 25, I'm 34, I've self injured. My doctor and my therapist know. They've NEVER asked to see the cuts. It's true - the evidence doesn't matter. Plus, they read more than your words. If she sees that you're still having a difficult time with new coping skills, she probably knows you still cut.

But, like Ivy said, you basically only get referred to a hospital if you're in danger of harming yourself or others, that doesn't include cutting.

Your therapist and doctor are not your enemies. Don't hold back. They want to help you through this. Your recovery is worth more than your efforts at preserving what you feel is a 'normal' facade. The desperate feelings you're having now can be relieved if you open up to your doctor. Be honest and willing to cooperate with her suggestions. You're worth it. Give it a try.

Best wishes,

Nikki

 
Old 01-01-2007, 12:52 PM   #4
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Re: Cant stop

Hun, you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself. If YOU want to get better, you will find a way. If you don't want to get better, you won't. And that's pretty much how it works. It doesn't matter what your family, your friends, your doctor thinks about you. No one in this situation matters as much as YOU do. And your secret is safe as long as you choose to keep suffering.

 
Old 01-05-2007, 10:41 AM   #5
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Re: Cant stop

My therapist knows that I cut and asks me each week if I self injured, but he never asks to see it. I think by not looking he is trying to say he's not impressed. Sort of a way to discourage cutting, without actually saying so.

I saw my MD last week and she saw my arm. It's just scarred now, not cut. She knows I see a psychiatrist, and when she saw my arm she snapped, "Who is your psychiatrist?" It looked like she wrote his name down. It's not like it's anybody else's fault but my own. I hope she doesn't blame him.

 
Old 01-11-2007, 07:15 AM   #6
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Re: Cant stop

hi my name is natalie i am 18 i have self harmed for 6 years now and like you i do it mostly on my thighs. i hate having to scar my body but it is the only i feel i can release pain that i feel inside. i hate that i like doing it it is like an addiction. i have cut down alot since taking an overdose and ended up in hospital it was a big eyeopener believe me. I only do it on my left forearm and my right thigh and i dont understand why i only do it in them places. I understand what your mum says cause my mum is the same.

 
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