So, I have been doing really well with cutting for about a month now. The problem is, when I'm not cutting, I'm drinking. When I'm not thinking about cutting, I'm thinking about drinking. "Something to make the pain go away" Today, when I got home from work, I opened up the bottle of Vodka and drank a big wine glass full. Now, I feel like cutting. Instead, I'm gettin on here. Waiting for my rush to die down. I feel like I have been waiting for my entire life for it to "die down". I know I'm going to cut at some point today. It's only 2:37 and my urge is strong. I've been thinking about what is making me feel this way. The list is endless. I'm sick of being sick. I have Bi-polar disorder- OCD- and am also suffering from PTSD. I am planning my wedding (minus my father) and trying to mend my relationship with my mom, while ontop of it all, trying to stay ontop of things at work and keep my fiance happy. I don't eat anymore because I dont want to get gain weight. I have a hard time going to sleep. Lately I need a lot more attention from my fiance than usual. I feel bad for him. I dont know that I show him how much I appreciate him enough.
I am hopless.