I made a mistake last week, I cut again, after 10 months. No one knows besides me, cause I thought it would be easier to lie to my boyfriend. He asked about the cuts and I made up some stupid excuse about the cuts. I feel like such a failure, I wanted so bad to put the cutting behind me.
It all started with being overwhelmed by college, and not making the deans list, missed by .13. I know I should be happy with what I got for a grade. But I worked so hard to try to get on the list, but I failed. Then I moved 4 hours away from my family, thinking I needed a break and to figure out my life. I also have a friend where I moved to, she was part of the reason I made such a move in my life. But to find out she has basicly lied to me about everything. She will tell me one story and I find out another.
Then the part that sucks the most is that my boyfriend is working at a job that is 4 hours away. I only get to see him on weekends and I feel like a single mother. I am raising our 3 children pretty much by myself and that is getting frustrating.
I know that my problems are small, but I just needed to get some of this off my chest.
Ducky
Everybody slips. The important thing here is to determine why you slipped and to get back on the horse so to speak. You have been cut free for ten months with one slip you should be proud of that. Just take it as a bad day and continue on your path to wellness
take care
trg247
__________________
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
It all started with being overwhelmed by college, and not making the deans list, missed by .13. I know I should be happy with what I got for a grade. But I worked so hard to try to get on the list, but I failed.
Then I moved 4 hours away from my family, thinking I needed a break and to figure out my life.
I also have a friend where I moved to, she was part of the reason I made such a move in my life. But to find out she has basicly lied to me about everything.
Then the part that sucks the most is that my boyfriend is working at a job that is 4 hours away. I only get to see him on weekends and I feel like a single mother. I am raising our 3 children pretty much by myself and that is getting frustrating.
Ducky, you mention 4 stressors here. Three of the stressors really decreased your support (away from family, bf, and a friend disappointed you). From what I have learned about folks who SI here, overwhelmed, out of control feelings cause the need to cut for relief. Keep posting. (and of course you didn't fail!) IMO, learning how to accept and deal with your feelings is the way out of SI.
Thank you both for your replies. I feel better now since I was able to let some of my feelings go. I have started my new count for cut free days. I made it 10 months before, I am hopeing to make at least 10 months again. I just have to lower my stress levels in my life right now. Not really sure how I am going to do that. I can fixed the one problem and that would be the friend. I just have to let that friendship go, it is not worth the stress.
As far as college, kids and boyfriend, I will have to find a way to deal with it.
Ducky78
Sannah,
I am doing okay. I have my good and bad days. I am still struggling with the want to cut everytime I get into a fight with anyone, even when its a little disagreement. I have done it again, excepted I burned this time. It seems to me once things start to slip its hard to get back on track. So that is all that is new with me. Ducky78
Sannah,
The disagreements are about little things. It seems when I am in a bad mood everything causes disagreements and my boyfriend seems to know when I am down He always wants to know what my problem is and if I tell him, he says that his life is alot harder than mine. He says he has to work all of the time and he is not able to spend time with the kids. So I get upset that he does not listen to what I have to say, but its not just him that does that to me. My father had done this to me my whole life, everytime my father would get ****** at us, he would say how would you like to live with parents that beat the crap out of you on a daily basis. Well here is my answer no, but I didnt want to get beat on a inregular basis either. But in my fathers eyes thats okay because it wasnt daily. I guess what makes me so angry and so down is that everyone is comparing their life to mine and saying their is someone out there worse than me, so stop thinking about it. So when this type of situation comes up I get defensive right away. Ducky
Ducky, yeah, I can see how this would upset you. Sounds like all you want is for someone to listen to YOU and shut up about themselves for one minute. I'll bet this makes you feel a little unimportant? I can certainly relate to that.
About your bf, men and woman handle problems differently. Women usually only want to be listened to but men respond by trying to solve the problem or trying to minimize the problem. Sounds like your bf is trying to minimize your problem? He probably really thinks that he is being helpful. After I read these gender issues I noticed this with my husband. He was the solver, however. I explained all of this to him and told him that I just want to be listened to and he complied. At work once I was listening to a guy tell me about a problem and I started to minimize his problem and he got really happy!
Sannah,
Your post has helped me understand that my bf is trying to help me and I have talked to him about it. He told me this is the only way he knows how to help me. I explained to him that all I want is for him to listen to me, instead of trying to solve the problem. So I guess time will tell if this works or not. Thank you for your advice, it was really helpful. Ducky
Messed up, and venting 
