You are not alone. This is a place where we have each other and talk to each other and vent and cry and write and do all sorts of things.
You have done the right thing to reach out here.
I feel for you. You must really be suffering to want to hurt yourself so badly and you must really want the world to know about it.
I wonder what would happen if you just cried and screamed instead of cutting yourself? Do it, without waiting for your husband to support you or make you feel better. Do it for yourself. Do it, so that you feel better by letting off steam. And then relax. And when the pain comes again, scream again. Scream alone, scream for yourself. Do not expect others to understand how much you are hurting, or help you ease it off. Only you can do this by finding the way that suits you. But in the end forgiving him AND YOURSELF and do not think that if we make a mistake we have to pay for it for the rest of our lives. We just learn from it, and move on....
I also wonder if you have no access to a professional. It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist if money is the problem, maybe somebody from a health authority? You do not have to suffer alone. What will you achieve if you do?
Think about it!
We are here for you
Trust me your not alone. Somedays this particular board does not see a lot of action but that is more of a result of self injury being a rather private act then the actual amount of participants here.
Cutting is a problem but its not THE problem. Underlying somewhere you will find the real issue that needs to be dealt with before cutting will lose its power. Go find a doctor or a therapist to figure it out in the mean time try anything possible that will delay the urge to cut and the actual cut it self. A certain med works for me for the most part. Try tracking everytime you want to cut and the feelings/emotions that surround it and see if you can identify any patterns so you can recognize it early and come up with a new plan. I wish I could tell you what to do to stop cutting completely but I can't as I don't know why you have chosen this particular path what I have suggested is a good start though. Keep writing and hopefully we can help at some level.
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder