Tired of being watched
I'm 3 weeks post surgery and still on limited activity partial bed rest....the deal is there is always someone here WATCHING ME!!! I am so stressed out and depressed and in pain...and I know being able to SI will calm some of this down, but i'm being forced not to, and I feel like I'm going to go crazy. I literally count the days until I can take a bath because I know that will be the one place that nobody will be watching me. I know I shouldn't feel like this and I should probably be thinkful that I'm not able to act on my impulses to harm myself....but it's not real, because it's not my choice..it's something that I'm being forced to do, and that just seems to make the desire to do it worse than ever....and I fear that when I finally am able to, I might not be able to control myself...sorry for the rambling, but I am so tired of all this crap and having no one to talk to, except my pdoc and tdoc and they don't really understand do they, how can they???