Why dose it seem that no matter how hard you try, how many different techniques you put in to practice..how come you never seem to find the right one that gets rid the urge... making you feel even more worse for failing again? are we ever going to stop?
its kind of like a circle once you enter you just go round and round and there are no corners where you can break loose. I do know one person that did leave the circle because she began to rely deeply on religion, but i dont think you will ever get rid of it because the memories will always be there. Everytime you cut yourself accidently on a knife while cutting vegetables you watch the blood trickeling down and you will see those memories come flooding back like a wound that you can never fully heal. that will just keep bleeding and bleeding forever
personally I'm beginning to think there is no end...I started this at 13...I'm 39 and haven't been able to stop and I've tried everything...meds, therapy, religion, you name it. I don't know it gets so tireing fighting it all the time, sometimes it's just easier to give in.
well i am * going on * next april and ive been doing it since i was 12. Someone like you may think that i have pleantly of time to stop but to me it feels like forever. I know this might sound a bit over the top but i think that getting into this has made me feel very alone, and apart because of the simple fact they are content with thier lives and happy and i am depressed. Maybe because you feel like this you can never entirely break through if you get what i mean.
Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 10-08-2008 at 12:21 PM.
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Another part of my problem is that I have BiPolar Disorder with Suicidal Depression....so when the depression gets bad, the SH gets worse...I do totally understand what you mean about being lonely...I live pretty much in my bedroom most of the time, even though I'm married with 2 children. My husband knows about the SH, but he doesn's "understand" or know how to help. The only person that I feel comfortable talking about it too is my pdoc and tdoc, because they don't judge me by my actions and they do honestly try to help, but don't expect me to just "stop and get better". I have stopped for long periods of time...and then 1 little thing will hapen and snap, right back to the blades.
One day you will find a big enough reason to stop and will do anything not to when the urge comes. I'm celebrating my 5 year anniversary soon. I had urges today - but didn't act on them because I knew what was at stake. Put yourself in a position where your "reasons not to" outweigh the urge. Overwhelm the feeling so that it doesn't overwhelm you. Separate yourself from the desire and tell it firmly and directly who's boss. Then distract yourself for a while. Then look into Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) or at least flip through the work book at your local bookstore.
My pdoc has suggested DBT but most of it is in a group setting, and I don't like groups, so I've not done it. I have read up a bit on my own. And I have went years without self harming it, but then it comes back. I've been self harming for 24 years....seems like forever. My life is just very chaotic and stressful, sad, and full of desperate hard decisions...which is the perfect recipe for SH.
my mum has began to realise that i might be self harming, she asked whether i was angy ate her, myself i denied it. Then she said thats its just my hormones but its not from that i knew she did not understand it and i guess you dont until you are in the persison if you get me. She asked if i needed someone to talk to i defo do but i cant tell her anything because i hate her. Because she suspects something its made me act strange ive been lashing out at the people i love and they are asking why what should i say? help me guys im gonna crack this self harming circle needs to break because ill have no one who wants to care about me any more and it hurts that i keep lashing out i usually speak to the nurses but they have not been in for weeks what the hell should i do i feel trapped ARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!
yeah fair point and i have been cosidering it but i have to actually tell her that i self harm and i dont know whether i could cope with that because she will ask questions and to be honest the whole bloody school knows and she is the only one i managed to keep in the dark what will she say when she realises that i couldnt tell her any way it does not matter anyone know how many tabs to take before you die coz ive got 64 and there going to get used at some point and i dont care i get banned for saying this.