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Old 11-14-2008, 02:00 PM   #1
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GummyBearLover HB User
need somone to talk to...

i am a 19 year old who suffers from ocd,social phobia and fibromyalgia..i have also been a cutter for many years.. i have recently stoped hurting myself but feel the need to do it again. i sometimes just get fed up and many people think i feel sorry for myself but thats not it..i just dont think its fair how somethings in my life turned out. like i dont think its fair that i have fibromyalga and am only 19..it is hard for me to do many of the normal things people do each day..and getting a job is very difficult becuase of my social phobia...so i dont do much just sit at home and havent worked for 4 months now..so i was just looking for someone to talk to...

 
Old 11-18-2008, 02:00 PM   #2
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davethan1 HB User
Re: need somone to talk to...

[QUOTE=GummyBearLover;3793866]i am a 19 year old who suffers from ocd,social phobia and fibromyalgia..i have also been a cutter for many years.. i have recently stoped hurting myself but feel the need to do it again. i sometimes just get fed up and many people think i feel sorry for myself but thats not it..i just dont think its fair how somethings in my life turned out. like i dont think its fair that i have fibromyalga and am only 19..it is hard for me to do many of the normal things people do each day..and getting a job is very difficult becuase of my social phobia...so i dont do much just sit at home and havent worked for 4 months now..so i was just looking for someone to talk to...[/
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Last edited by davethan1; 11-18-2008 at 02:15 PM.

 
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Old 11-18-2008, 02:16 PM   #3
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davethan1 HB User
Re: need somone to talk to...

Hi GummyBearLover
I don`t know what fibromyalgia is so if you could tell me it would be appreciated. I haven`t been a cutter as long as you you but I have had an eating disorder, not that this is a comparing game don`t get me wrong. I have re started cutting and my eating disorder.
I don`t think it is self pity I feel you have a voice within that wants to be noticed by others around you which isn`t being noticed. I am 38 so you may think thats too old and only the youth of today have problems but i`m afraid that isn`t the case. Life is hard and it does kick you in the teeth just when you think it is turning around. I am a newbie to this site aswell and I put part of my recent story down here. You can take a look as I have been honset about my feelings it may not help you directly but I hope it will remove your feeling of solitude. I have no problem talking to you but what I can`t do is advise you to stop unfortuneatly because I don`t feel like stopping. If you are still happy to talk then as I said I will be here.
Did you have a job 4 months ago and if so what happened for that to decease?
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Old 11-18-2008, 08:01 PM   #4
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katlin09 HB User
Re: need somone to talk to...

Hey Gummy,

I love your name, 'cuz I could actually live on a diet of gummy bears. Once someone told me that "you should never call yourself a cutter, because cutting yourself does not define who you are" and you know what they were right. Just because we cut doesn't mean we're cutters.

I know how you feel, I've had Degenerative Cartiledge Disease in my knees and hips since I was 17, i am now 39. I have had 10 surgeries in both knees, and am actually still recuperating from my last one, a reconstruction and tibial osteotomy on Aug. 25. They had to break the tiba from below my knee replace some cartiledge, raise the bones, graft them from beneath and then screw everything back together, once this heals in a year, I'll have to have the other one done...and all this is to put off knee replacements for at least another 5 years, because of my young age. So believe me I get the whole chronic pain thing.

I also have BiPolar Disorder w/Severe Suicidal BiPolar Depression and PTSD...so I also get the Life is Not Fair thing.....most of the time I feel like the universe or God, whichever you believe in is looking down at me as their own personal sourse of amusement. It is very easy for some of us to feel like we've definitly got more than our share of all that sucks in this world, and when it gets to be too much to handle...we take a sharp instrument and try to release some of it. I'm sorry that you are so young and having to deal with all of this crap.

I'm not sure how old you were when you started self harming, but I was 13...from the time I was 10 my father used to like to tuck me in and then hang out for free sex ed demonstrations if you get my drift. I started cutting to deal with the pain and the feelings of guilt, etc. Over the 20+ years that I've been doing it I've quit many times, sometimes for years at a time, then something happens and I fall back into the SH world. Right now I have been actively cutting for 10 months and the longest I've went is 15 days without. But hopefully I'll be able to get it under control soon. I have a good pdoc and tdoc that help me alot, and I'm not sure what I'd do without them. Since 1990 I've had a total of 8 suicide attempts, and I guess someone is telling me it's not my time yet, because I've not succeeded, but I have spent time in the ER for excessive cutting, requiring 22 stitches, and these were all on the top of my left forearm where you can't hide it, and everyone can see. The story I made up was a doozy.

But anyway, geez I didn't mean to write a book. Just wanted to let you know that I can relate to you, and am here if you need to talk. Hang in there, you'll make it.

Kat

 
Old 11-19-2008, 10:23 AM   #5
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GummyBearLover HB User
Re: need somone to talk to...

thank you for all that responded...i have been cuting since i was in grade 7 so about 6 years now..i have lots of scars on my arms and have gotten tattoos to cover them up..i had stopped for months but have recently did it a couple days ago..and sitting at home all day doesnt help but i get really bad panic attacks when i have to go to a job interview so i cant get a job..i did have one 4 months ago but had to quit cuz i wasnt getting alonging with the supervisor

 
Old 11-19-2008, 07:46 PM   #6
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katlin09 HB User
Re: need somone to talk to...

Gummybear,

Do you see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist? Have you tried any medication for your anxiety? I use Clonezapam, and that helps a lot with my anxiety. Just a thought to help you perhaps get through a job interview and into a job, so you can get out of the house.

Kat

 
Old 11-20-2008, 08:56 PM   #7
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katlin09 HB User
Re: need somone to talk to...

Gummybear,

How are you doing today, any better?

Kat

 
Old 11-23-2008, 09:43 AM   #8
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GummyBearLover HB User
Re: need somone to talk to...

ya i really wish i could get a job would at least give me something else to think about. i use to take celexa but stopped taking it. my docotrs dont really listen cuz i have so much wrong with me..kinda like im a loss cause.. i havent cut myself since a couple days ago but there has been many times i wanted to..it also doesnt help that ive been with my bf for 4 years on and off we met in high school and he is the only guy i wanna be with..but we have had so many problems in the past..both of us have cheated and i honestly think hes doing it again...its just so hard to deal with but i sometimes think its my fault cuz im so controilling i need to know where he is and what hes doing at alll times or i start having panic attacks..i did go for a job interview a couple days ago...it didnt go to well started crying and couldnt breath and pretty much made a fool of myself.

 
Old 11-23-2008, 10:47 AM   #9
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lozzij85 HB User
Re: need somone to talk to...

hi there, you are not a lost cause!! people dont understand but that is not on you! you will find a doctor that is the right one for you... and sometimes its not a doctor who can really help... i know its so hard, i know its almost unimaginable.. ive been there and still am frequently.. but its about how you see yourself.. its difficult for anyone to love themselves, we all do things wrong, we all have bits we dont like or even hate... but if we could just love ourselves and treat ourselves with some respect etc then i find that helps more than anything. we are worth it, we deserve to be happy, we are so special!!! when it comes to a job... its a great thing.. if you are doing what you want to do!! but at the same time there are struggles along the way, with people, with the work, with the hours. honestly i am very lucky.. i have found a job that is quite flexible.. in that when ive had a breakdown they give me time out they send me home and i go back when im ready.. even when ive changed medications the doctor has given me a week off and they have been fine. but i have also be quite honest with my boss.. telling him what is going on.. not into great detail.. but enough. hmmm the boyfriend situation.. ive never cheated myself but i have been cheated on by a couple of guys... one being my age and cheated on me with my mum. very painful, breaks trust (which explains you trying to control him), stressful and so many other things you dont need right now!! you need to focus on you.. that is really important. you are worth so much more than that... set ur bar higher!! or dig deep down to the core and deal with why you both feel you need to cheat. i hope none of this has been offensive or weird.. that was not my intention. you can take this advice on board or let it go that is fine >) i hope things start to look up for you!!

 
Old 11-26-2008, 11:50 AM   #10
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autumn29 HB User
Re: need somone to talk to...

Oh my gosh thats sounds awful i hate my mum and she has never done anything like that. I think that cheating is the worst thing you can do because it means that the person that has been cheated on can never entirely trust totally again. I am glad that your job is so understanding i wish my school would be like that. And you are right you are never a lost cause because you are never the only one dealing with these situations maybe not is bad or even worse but you are not alone.

 
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