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Old 11-17-2008, 10:13 PM   #1
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Started Again

I told everyone I stopped. Everyone.

I started again today. I cut myself after 7 months of not doing it and 10 months before that.

I'm so happy now but not today. Today was a horrible day. A really, really bad day.

I need help.
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Beauty through Pain <3

 
Old 11-18-2008, 09:28 AM   #2
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Re: Started Again

Don't give up hope, you've stopped before, for incredible lengths of time, so you can stop again. Just remember some of the other coping skills you learned to deal with the bad days instead of harming yourself. You can do it, you have it in yourself to be strong and be in control

kat

 
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Old 11-18-2008, 07:02 PM   #3
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Re: Started Again

I don't know why I did it. And the only reason I haven't done it in awhile is because I haven't got a good place to hide the cuts. But now I know better. I went running. I wrote. I do what I normally do when I went to cut, but I still want to. Really badly. I don't know what to do.
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Old 11-18-2008, 07:43 PM   #4
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Re: Started Again

okay, let's rehash some alternative coping skills...put your tight rubber band on your wrist, not so tight that it cuts the circulation off, and everytime you have the slightest urge, snap the crap out of that rubberband, and your wrist.

Next, if you cut for the pain of it, fill a bowl with ice, wet your hand then tape a ziploc baggy over it, thrust your hand in the bowl of ice for 5 - 10 minutes or until you cannot stand it....it will hurt like a son of a b****. If it doesn't get rid of the urge...keep doing it over and over again.

If you need the symbolic part of it, seeing the blood, like me, put a very tight non latex glove on, I use the Mr. Clean brand 'cuz they are see through and it looks like my skin....I use a red marker to act like I'm cutting myself then take red food coloring and drip it down my hand over the glove....my brain gets the symbolic message that it needs and if it doesn't I repeat it until it does.


Get one of those, autograph bears, or dolls, that are plain white....cut them with red markers, wherever you want to cut yourself, write your name on the dolls forehead and let it be you and cut(mark) it as much as you want....without actually harming yourself.

Try these okay, or at least one of them....anything except hurting yourself. Remember you're strong and you can go without hurting yourself. And we're here for you, 'kay? I'm here all the time, late at night, early in the morning and during the day, yell if you need to talk, I'll getback to you ASAP.

Kat

 
Old 11-20-2008, 08:57 PM   #5
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Re: Started Again

Beachchick,

How are things going? Were you able to utilize any of the alternate coping skills? Give a yell.

Kat

 
Old 11-25-2008, 10:10 PM   #6
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Re: Started Again

Things are going okay I guess. I haven't cut since then, so its basically been a week (yay me!)... but I'm still feeling down. Just the holidays I guess.
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Old 11-26-2008, 08:13 PM   #7
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Re: Started Again

OMG, a week that is awesome, You Go Girl!!! You're doing great, just keep thinking of other ways to handle your stress and pain. I think alot of us have the Holiday blues this year. I just seperated from my husband a month ago after 20 yrs of marriage....so this is the first Thanksgiving without him. Just me and my 2 boys, so i'm really down about it, but I have to act all happy and such in front of the boys....it takes so much energy. But I'll figure it out and all will be fine I guess.

But you are doing great, a week, that really is great, keep it up.

Hope you have a nice Thanksgiving.

 
Old 12-03-2008, 05:41 PM   #8
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Re: Started Again

Hey Beachchick,

How's it going, you've been awfully quiet, are you doing okay? Give a yell and let us know how's it going...

Kat

 
Old 12-08-2008, 07:41 PM   #9
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Re: Started Again

Yeah I'm okay. Things are looking up... it's been awhile since i cut now... im not even counting anymore... yay?
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Old 12-08-2008, 08:05 PM   #10
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Re: Started Again

Major Yay! That's great to hear, I'm glad you're doing so well.

kat

 
Old 12-23-2008, 11:13 PM   #11
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Re: Started Again

and so it begins again. I thought I was over it. But right now, I would like nothing more than to fall asleep outside in the snow and not wake up. Nobody on earth deserves to feel how I feel right now, especially on Christmas Eve of all days.

I just carved the word "HATE" into my right thigh with a safety pin. I usuually use scissors. I have no idea what has gotten into me. Actually I do...

There is a website for college students purely to post "gossip" or other juicy things. I never go on this website unless somebody tells me that something about me or my sorority is up there. Well, my friend called me the other day to tell me that I was on there. I looked, and they called me a "sl-t" and ugly and fat and a heifer and all kinds of mean things. And they said I did things that I have never done. And that I should walk around with a bag on my head. And that nobody likes me. And that I talk about people behind their back.

This is stuff I know for a fact isn't true. I'm really not the overweight at all, I'm just a lil curvier than the stick-thin girls that go to my college. And I don't talk about people. And I don't sleep around. In fact, I have been amazing this semester compared with last. And I'm a lot thinner than I used to be (like last year). And a lot of people who I trust have told me that I am pretty. And I know all this.

But I let all these negative things affect me. Even though I know they aren't true. It hurts. It hurts so bad inside. I cried and it didn't help. So I cut. And I poked. And now my body hurts and my chest has become a lil less tight and my tears are now just echoes in trails on my face.

Help me?
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Old 12-25-2008, 08:28 PM   #12
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Re: Started Again

Beach chick,

Hon, I am so sorry for the hurt and pain that you have suffered at the hands of people who can be so very very cruel. I wish I could tell you why cruel people gain joy out of tearing others apart, making fun of them and cutting them down. I am sure, no make that positive that the things on that gossip board were not true of you, as you said, a friend of yours told you about the Board, and others have commented on your looks, so of course people like you. I know how easy it is to cut when the pain is so bad, and it feels like nobody cares and you have no one to turn to. I also know how very hard it is to resist doing so, and for me, most time the knife, scissors, pin, etc. wins. So here is my advice for you, take a deep breath, Hold your head up and Keep it High, because you have nothing to be embarrased or sorry about. You slipped, it's okay, you're strong and you'll get back on track again.

For the pain, I usually keep an over the counter anti biotic ointment with a pain reliever in it on hand, for the less severe cuts, it tends to work pretty well. I wish you well, and keep coming back and talking it out, okay? Don't let those people get the best of you....then they just winl

k

 
Old 12-26-2008, 09:56 PM   #13
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Re: Started Again

that is brutal , what happened to you . I am very sorry . You are not those things, and to whoever wrote them is mean and insecure themselves. To have to attack you in that way.
Honestly, that would have set me off too. I hope your going to be ok, and see that it was dumb and immature for them to post such evil crap about u . Do not take it personally, because u know that it was not true, and you are not those things.
They are shallow and ignorant, their only goal was to hurt you and make u feel like ****.
DO not let it get to u , and try to keep telling yourself that you are far better of a person then this, and know in your heart that they are full of hate .
You did not deserve that one bit. Just do not give them the satisfaction of trying to put u down like that. They are trying to tear u down, and if u do not let them know anything, play it cool, then this is better for u. Your stronger then this ****.

 
Old 12-28-2008, 12:36 PM   #14
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Re: Started Again

You know this may sound a bit over the top, but you should probably report that website because by the sounds of it its not just making you feel a lot worse but its probably having a similiar effect on everyone who ends up being talked about on it. I mean what kind of person would be so sad that they have to get pleasure out of being hurtful to other people up over the internet? It seems pretty cowardly to me. I know its easy to say but really, if the people posting stuff like that mean nothing to you, then don't take what they say to heart. The people you should take notice of are the people you like, not a load of bored spiteful people out to cause people trouble.

 
Old 12-28-2008, 01:25 PM   #15
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Re: Started Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by beachchick112 View Post
I don't know why I did it. And the only reason I haven't done it in awhile is because I haven't got a good place to hide the cuts. But now I know better. I went running. I wrote. I do what I normally do when I went to cut, but I still want to. Really badly. I don't know what to do.
I think it is good that you are trying .It is never easy to fight the temptation when it is so strong. But you can do it. Running, and writinig are great distractions.
Do nto be alone when it gets far too much to fight off the urges. People who SI won't unless they are alone.. call a friend, go to the mall, just do not be by yourself when you find yoursel really going to SI.

 
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