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Old 12-08-2008, 12:58 PM   #1
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jessie99 HB User
Can someone please help?

One of my best friends suffers from pretty bad depression and she told me this a couple of years ago and I was the only one that she ever told and it was her biggest secret. Then, a couple of months ago, she started going out with this boy. Now this boy had already dated about half of our "friendship group" (including me) and we all warned her not to carry it on because we'd all been hurt by him, but she swore he'd changed. As the relationship carried on she began to deeply care for him and trust him and she told him about her depression, which is the biggest gesture in the world for her. Anyway, a couple of days later they broke up because he'd been saying to all of his friends that they were nothing but "friends with benefits". They were broken up for about a week, during which she cut herself for the first time quite deeply with a razor. Then he persuaded her to meet up with him, spouting some rubbish about how he felt empty without her etc. and she decided to give him another chance. Once again, she put her heart into it and, about a week later, she found out he'd gotten together with someone else a day after they'd broken up, then decided he liked her better and dumped the other one before texting her about meeting up and getting back together. Once again, she was distraght, saying how he couldn't have ever cared for her if he could move on that fast etc. and she cut herself again, several times in the wrist. She's only ever told me about it and another friend the first time, but she's done it so many more times since then and I don't know what she expects me to say when she tells me and I don't know what to do.

Please can you help, I have no idea how bad her situation is, it's not even about the boy anymore, it's about her family and she says everything in her life has let her down and she can't trust anyone anymore and multiple times she's said she'd like to kill herself. Is there anything I can do?

 
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Old 12-08-2008, 03:30 PM   #2
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: uk
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davethan1 HB User
Re: Can someone please help?

Hi Jessie,
I feel for you deeply and I hope your friend can gain control soon because it sounds like she is slowly slipping further into depression. Unfortuneately all you can do is be a very good friend and listen to her. I know what she tells you you may hurt you or feel different towards you but try to remember why you are friends in the first place and use that as your rock to cling to.
Your friend is the one who needs to want to seek help because anyhting you do without her knowing will only push her away or go further down the path she is on. There is nothing stopping you from searching the web and finding out more about self harming. It sounds like she has lost control of the world around her and her only source of control is her body. She has moved from one trigger; the boyfriend to another her family. The more information you can get about the condition the more you can discuss and she may then want to seek medical and emotional help.
You are a very brave person and I feel you carrying this heavily inside you. I hope Kat will give you some advice as she knows alot more than me.
We are all here for you so don`t think you are alone feel free to vent and air because the last thing we want is for you to get ill through worry.
take care speak to you soon I hope.
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xxx davethan1 xxx

 
Old 12-08-2008, 06:14 PM   #3
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Join Date: May 2008
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littlesadone HB User
Re: Can someone please help?

You can't keep her self-injury a secret. If you promised you would....you have to get her help..or you have to make her get help..tell her that you know she needs help and if she doesn't go and find some that you will....go to your school counselor or teacher or principal...go to a minister...go to her parents if you think you can..she needs help..you can't fight the battle for her, and you can't carry the burden alone....she needs help....tell someone so that she can get it...you may feel like you are betraying her and she may be mad at you for doing it, but if she continues as she is, she will not be a good friend to you for long...the depression and cutting will destroy the she that she is.....get her help...tell someone!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't let her fight by herself...

 
Old 12-08-2008, 06:15 PM   #4
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Smalltown, North Dakota, USA
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littlesadone HB User
Re: Can someone please help?

and...ANY threats of suicide have to be taken seriously...and dealt with...YOU can't do that alone...you shouldn't have to......tell someone...

 
Old 12-09-2008, 08:49 PM   #5
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB User
Re: Can someone please help?

Jessie,

I'll be honest you are definitely in a tough spot. I know you want to help your friend, have you considered talking to her parents? The hard part here is that she can be forced to get help, but until she realizes that she's ready for it...it most likely won't do much good. You can't force someone to quit self harming, actually being forced not to increaces the urge to self-harm. But perhaps if her parents were aware they could talk to her and see what type of help she would be comfortable with i.e. a school counselor, a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, etc. The other problem is, unless you have proof, it may be hard to get a "professional" to believe you, that would also be a good reason to go to her parents. Unless you know that her parents are in some way abusing her, then perhaps you could go to your school counselor and ask what to do about an anonymous friend and explain the situation without naming her name. Right now she has you to trust, and if this is not handled correctly, she'll stop talking to you and then nobody will know what's going on with her. For what it's worth, I'm sorry that this burden has been put on you, I know it must be very stressful and worriesome for you.

Let us know if you decide to take action and how it goes.

Kat

 
Old 12-27-2008, 09:43 AM   #6
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Orange29 HB User
Re: Can someone please help?

I know exactly where you're coming from. My best friend self harms and I have informed him that if it gets too severe I will have no choice but to tell his school or family, or even counsellor. I also know that if he does mention wanting to commit suicide, I have no choice but to go to someone for help.
I know that you are probably worried that by going to someone then you risk losing your friend. But it's better to lose them in this way, and have the hope that they will realise you are acting out of concern and love for them, than permanently. Think about how you'd feel if they did kill themselves and you hadn't done anything to stop it. Unfortunately it's a horrible thing to have to go through, as someone who has recovered from self harm myself i know that your friend is in a really bad position. And as someone who is trying to support a friend in a difficult time without much outside help, I know that is puts a lot of pressure on you. I think that hard as it may be you really have to tell someone, sorry.

 
Old 01-22-2009, 03:36 PM   #7
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AngryNsad HB User
Re: Can someone please help?

Just be a good listener! Tell her that you care about her and what would she gain if she killed herself! It's a 50-50... she's either going to do it or wants attention! the best you can do is give her attention and focus on the positive! ... Boys are sooooo dumb... ive heard this a milli-x.... I hate it! Poor girl! ... she probably had a crisis... and just started thinking about everything negative in her life... I did the same... it starts with a boy and then you focus on everything! ... Love her... Care for her! ... let her know who she'd be hurting if she left this world! ... if she tells you... she trusts you! ... Just listen! and stress the importance of life! ... Wrist's are the first! It's scary because accidental death can happen... Jokingly you guys should set a date to beat his ***... non-jokingly let her know she has you (a good friend) and that your here for her. And that she s here for a reason and that if she killed herself it'd be the easy way and then she'd never find happiness or a man that she deserves!

 
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