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Old 01-04-2009, 08:32 PM   #1
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I hurt myself today to see if I still feel..

Along with the various other problems I have, I've struggled greatly with self mutilation in the past. Tonight, for the first time in four years, I cut myself. I was raped a few days ago and I feel like I'm dying inside. Yet at the same time, I feel so numb. I just needed a release, and I hate to admit it, but I feel better now. I just want this pain to go away...so that I never feel like this again.

 
Old 01-05-2009, 10:29 AM   #2
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Re: I hurt myself today to see if I still feel..

Gosh i am so sorry for that i do not know what to say, i think that to self harm after what you have been through is ok especially if you have not done it in 4 years. I know that know that you have begun again it will be hard to stop. Have you spoken to anyone about it?

 
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Old 01-11-2009, 09:39 AM   #3
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Re: I hurt myself today to see if I still feel..

ohh gosh
im so sorry to hear that
i can understand the pain && numb feeling
i too was raped, twice
and i ceel like i can't help but make myself feel better
by cutting.
it helps for a while, but after you feel horribly, right?
i wish i could help
because i kno the imence pain you are suffering from right now.
im here for you.
we can talk if you would like

 
Old 01-11-2009, 09:49 AM   #4
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Re: I hurt myself today to see if I still feel..

Thank you for the responses. Actually, since this post, I went to the cops and pressed charges against my attacker. A criminal investigation begins next week. These past few weeks have been incredibly difficult for me. I begin individual and group therapy next week, which I think will really help me put my feelings into perspective and eventually heal. I haven't cut since my last post, but I fight the urge to everyday. It's almost like I crave the pain... a very surreal feeling, nonetheless.

I have a long road ahead of me, but I refuse to give. I deserve better than the cards I've been dealt...

 
Old 01-11-2009, 09:58 AM   #5
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Re: I hurt myself today to see if I still feel..

Quote:
Originally Posted by BreathNoMore View Post
Thank you for the responses. Actually, since this post, I went to the cops and pressed charges against my attacker. A criminal investigation begins next week. These past few weeks have been incredibly difficult for me. I begin individual and group therapy next week, which I think will really help me put my feelings into perspective and eventually heal. I haven't cut since my last post, but I fight the urge to everyday. It's almost like I crave the pain... a very surreal feeling, nonetheless.

I have a long road ahead of me, but I refuse to give. I deserve better than the cards I've been dealt...
thats so true hunni
the person who hurt you is going to burn in hell for what he did
i had a hard time with it too so i understand your feelings
but you can do it, if i can, anyone can. i promise=]

 
Old 01-27-2009, 08:50 PM   #6
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Re: I hurt myself today to see if I still feel..

hey hun

offers big hugs im sorry for what happened and the feelings must be over whelming is there anyone you can go to or talk too? instead of hurting yourself?

the person who did this should be punshed not you i wish i had something to say that would help

keep posting take care fizz xxx

 
Old 01-28-2009, 05:10 AM   #7
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Re: I hurt myself today to see if I still feel..

am glad to hear that you have found the courage to press charges. i too have been raped, abused, beaten. (my father and ex-husband). know the numb feeling and the incredible desire to cut. recently did it non-stop for four weeks but am two and half days cut fee now and keep hoping i'll be able to continue. my pdoc says 'why join the enemy and harm myself as they have harmed me?' i have found listening to soothing music for the last couple of days more helpful than any of the other methods. good luck with your case and my thoughts are with you in this ordeal that nobody should have to experience.

 
Old 01-31-2009, 08:50 PM   #8
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Re: I hurt myself today to see if I still feel..

"recently did it non-stop for four weeks but am two and half days cut fee now and keep hoping i'll be able to continue."

Congratulations!!! Any day "cut free" is a day to be proud of!!

I start rape counceling and therapy on wednesday, and I am very excited. I cut again about 3 days ago, and am really trying hard not to relapse. This is all just so much for one person to take in and deal with, especially since I will be going to court and prosecuting the man that did these horrible, awful things to me. I try to stay motivated because I know I am doing the right thing, but every day is a struggle. Just gotta keep on keepin' on, I guess.

Much love and thanks for the replies!!

*~Krystal

 
Old 02-01-2009, 04:15 AM   #9
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Re: I hurt myself today to see if I still feel..

Quote:
Originally Posted by BreathNoMore View Post
Thank you for the responses. Actually, since this post, I went to the cops and pressed charges against my attacker. A criminal investigation begins next week. These past few weeks have been incredibly difficult for me. I begin individual and group therapy next week, which I think will really help me put my feelings into perspective and eventually heal. I haven't cut since my last post, but I fight the urge to everyday. It's almost like I crave the pain... a very surreal feeling, nonetheless.

I have a long road ahead of me, but I refuse to give. I deserve better than the cards I've been dealt...
tried and failed, tried and failed am now trying again, hour 34.... hope you are doing ok?

 
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