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Old 01-19-2009, 08:33 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 35
fizz331 HB User
Exclamation another day si

iv had a bad weekend iv not slept in 92 hours but last night i got 6hrs which i feel so crap for today i feel worse now than i did when i was not sleeping

what really gets me is iv been awake all that time and iv got a million and 1 things to do and i lay there watching tv iv watched the full 1st and 2nd seris of skins, gossip girl, watched aload of crap films on bt vision and went to work that was hard not to bite people heads off lol

I now have to start the whole process again i feel so bad my life is a mess and i dont care right now if i died i self harmed last night might be one of the worst i done i got angry and at this point im very controled and i stop as im scared of the damage i can do but i did not stop and my arms are a right mess

between the lack of sleep and the hate for myself i dont even know how i get up but i do its like im on auto and i have to do this i have no choice its like im living but im not in my body if that makes sense its me but not all of me the part that makes me real so to speak is missing as its died and i dont know how to bring it to life again

im sorry for going on its just all in my head and i feel like its going to pop and i have to go and do and 8hour shift at work and be all nice and smile which takes up so much of me and when people ask are you ok? yes im fine you? they dont even care for the reply if you said no it would be oh good me too great weekend and smile at you and walk off

i just dont want to be here anymore i dont even think anyone would mind

fizz

 
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Old 01-22-2009, 03:43 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ, USA
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AngryNsad HB User
Re: another day si

you know what! I have much respect for you no BS! you're worried about the harm you can do! that's a step! I too have thought the same and that is the beginning! I recently slipped up the beginning of Jan. but you know... I do what I do! I'd care if you died! Your a person, a soul! Your here for a reason mija! if you were here to die god wouldnt have put you here to be miserable... i don't know how old you are but you have your whole life before you to get better, be better and do better! your awesome! and... you'd hurt a lot of people if you gave up! I know times are hard... without sleep sux! I know! BUT! remember your are in control of yourself and responsible for yourself as well! find happiness! you have your whole life! its hard now! but will be worth it in the long run! I PROMISE!

 
Old 01-24-2009, 04:09 PM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB User
Re: another day si

Fizz,

Just checking in, haven't heard from you. Hope you're doing okay and have gotten back into a sleep pattern.

kat

 
Old 01-27-2009, 08:29 PM   #4
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 35
fizz331 HB User
Re: another day si

thanks for the posts no still not still not sleeping its like 4.30am hee and wide awake never mind

hope your all ok

xxx

 
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