Alright, I'm pretty certain that I don't belong in this group, but I could really use some input on something. The last few days I have been feeling different. That's honestly the only way I can put it. I go from extremely angry to doubled over laughing in seconds, it seems. I have also been feeling depressed. I have never had problems like this before. An incident last night is why I'm writing this,.... I all of a sudden felt so awful, almost frantic. I don't really even remember what I was thinking about, but the next thing I knew I was sitting on my bed, razor blade in hand with about ten cuts on my thigh. This has never, ever happened to me before. I feel comletely normal now, and can't understand what led me to do that, or even making a conscious decision to do it. I feel so stupid about it all... but I am absolutely terrified that it will happen again. The thing is, my life is awesome, and I know it. I recently got my EMT liscense, am holding a 4.0 in college, and everything has been relatively normal for me. I guess I just don't understand, it doesn't seem like I should have any reason to have done this. I am scared to death that I am going crazy, for lack of a better term. I guess if anyone can give me any insight, or advice or something, I would really appreciate it. Thanks so much.
Em, you start your post with the statement that , "your pretty sure you don't belong to this group." But then you tell us that you cut yourself with a razor blade....it sounds like you could be beginning to use self harm as a coping skill. You need to seriouly take a look at yourself and see what perhaps is driving yourself to cut, and upsettin uou so much. I would recomend going to a psychiatrist to have an evaluation before this turns into a serious problem. The career you've chosen can be very high stress, so the time to learn ''OTHER COPING SKILLS" no, vefore you start this in earner.
Can you think of any particular stress that is happening now or recently that is new, that you haven't had to deal with before, that your brain/body might not know how to deal with at this time? I realize this sounds like a silly question, but sometimes that's all it takes.
Also, do you have any other mental illnesses such as BiPolar Disorder or PTSD?
I can't think of any new stresses I have been under lately. My life has always been a bit stressful, just the regular job/school/'can never get anything just right' stress though. And I have not been able to sleep lately until about 3 or 4 AM for some reason. The only thing lately that I can think of was that a guy I had gotten really close to just suddenly stopped talking to me, for no reason. But it's not like that's never happened before to me.... actually it happens quite frequently. It's not like I've never THOUGHT about hurting myself before, but I've always been able to hold back. I just completely lost control. And it happened again. Boo .
And no, I don't have any mental illnesses.
Thank you again for the replies. I don't know what to do....