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Old 02-18-2009, 11:10 PM   #1
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lilabean HB User
Going to the ER for stitches?

I am currently in intensive therapy and supposedly working towards recovery from cutting but sometimes I just don't want to give it up. part of this is because I was still getting more good than bad out of it meaning that using it allowed me to function to get through the day and then I was fine until I would do it again.
the problem is that I have been able to abstain for a while but am so close to going back to it because I dont see that much of a problem with it, at least not short term. But my therapist keeps pointing out how "bad" it really was to try and get me to see that. It escalated to the point where I had to cut to a certain point of severity or deepness for it to do anything. I was probably going to the ER every 2-3 weeks for stitches from about 8-20 stitches any given time, this severity lasted for about three months before I decided to get help, I just kept rotating between different emergency rooms so I wasnt at the same one too many times. I guess I am just looking for some input or maybe even reassurance to keep me from going back to cutting, is my therapist right, was this bahavior really extreme, was it really that bad? Are there any of you who had to get stitches this often? Sometimes I want to do it to myself so badly and I want the stitches and all but I am trying really hard to stay recovery minded. I dont know. Sorry this post is so long.

 
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Old 02-19-2009, 02:53 PM   #2
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katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: Going to the ER for stitches?

Hi, welcome to the board. I've had to get stitches 3 times in the last 6 months, the last time being a week ago. The first time was 16 stitches with cuts down to the muscle of my arm, the second 8 stitches, and the third last week 6 in one arm and 5 in the other, both were very deep and the doc. was very concerned. I don't go to the ER, I go to an Urgent Care center, the doc. knows me, he knows that I am under psychiatric care, he is very compassionate and nice.

I have been under the care of both a Psychiatrist and Psychologist for the last year. I see my pdoc(psychiatrist) every 2-3 weeks for med management and therapy and I see my tdoc(psychologist) every week for therapy. I also have BiPolar disorder with med resistant severe suidical depression. I have been cutting myself for 24 years. I can stop at times, sometimes even a year or two, but for the last year things have been particularly bad and so has the cutting. At this point my tdoc and pdoc are basically forcing me into a Group DBT class to get the Self Harm and Suicidal Idealities under control. Either I do it or my tdoc will not work with me any longer and my pdoc will put me In Patient. So....in 6 weeks I'll be starting DBT therapy, which I do not want to do. I abhore group therapy of any kind. My last stay in the psyc ward 7 months ago I sat in my room the whole time and refused to go to any group. As far as cutting goes, is it that bad you ask? Well look at it this way, we use cutting or whichever way we choose to harm ourselves to cope with people hurting us, but in the end all we're doing is hurting ourselves more, and for those of us like you and I who go to the extreme, we cause ourselves great and lasting pain. So is it bad, yes I would say so. Do you need to stop, well that's a choice everyone has to make for themselves I guess. Do you want to accidentally go to far and die? Because that's a very very real chance. There are many other alternative coping skills to learn to replace harming yourself, but you have to be willing to do the hard work it takes to retrain your brain to learn them. The thing with you it sounds like is cutting is like a "drug" to you, the endorphine release you get, maybe the attention from the stitches....you like all that. But....what you have to ask yourself is...Should a well balanced mentally stable person who wants to lead a productive and content life want to do these kinds of things to themselves?

I know you're probably thinking what the hell, this chick is just the pot calling the kettle black, but no I'm not....I've been doing this for so long, and I will try to keep anyone from turning to this form of hell for contentment or comfort, and I will try like hell to help anyone who does injure themselves stop. I work hard at stopping and it is not easy, believe me, up until last wednesday i had went a whole 13 days without cutting myself, and I was so pleased, but then the bottom fell out and before I knew it the knife was in my hand and I was getting stitched up. Did it make me feel better? No,not really, it just caused me even more pain and stress, because now I have to go to a group that I don't want to, and I have people literally calling me multiple times a day every damn day to make sure I haven't cut or killed myself.

so is it worth it....not for me.

 
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