Re: Going to the ER for stitches?
Hi, welcome to the board. I've had to get stitches 3 times in the last 6 months, the last time being a week ago. The first time was 16 stitches with cuts down to the muscle of my arm, the second 8 stitches, and the third last week 6 in one arm and 5 in the other, both were very deep and the doc. was very concerned. I don't go to the ER, I go to an Urgent Care center, the doc. knows me, he knows that I am under psychiatric care, he is very compassionate and nice.
I have been under the care of both a Psychiatrist and Psychologist for the last year. I see my pdoc(psychiatrist) every 2-3 weeks for med management and therapy and I see my tdoc(psychologist) every week for therapy. I also have BiPolar disorder with med resistant severe suidical depression. I have been cutting myself for 24 years. I can stop at times, sometimes even a year or two, but for the last year things have been particularly bad and so has the cutting. At this point my tdoc and pdoc are basically forcing me into a Group DBT class to get the Self Harm and Suicidal Idealities under control. Either I do it or my tdoc will not work with me any longer and my pdoc will put me In Patient. So....in 6 weeks I'll be starting DBT therapy, which I do not want to do. I abhore group therapy of any kind. My last stay in the psyc ward 7 months ago I sat in my room the whole time and refused to go to any group. As far as cutting goes, is it that bad you ask? Well look at it this way, we use cutting or whichever way we choose to harm ourselves to cope with people hurting us, but in the end all we're doing is hurting ourselves more, and for those of us like you and I who go to the extreme, we cause ourselves great and lasting pain. So is it bad, yes I would say so. Do you need to stop, well that's a choice everyone has to make for themselves I guess. Do you want to accidentally go to far and die? Because that's a very very real chance. There are many other alternative coping skills to learn to replace harming yourself, but you have to be willing to do the hard work it takes to retrain your brain to learn them. The thing with you it sounds like is cutting is like a "drug" to you, the endorphine release you get, maybe the attention from the stitches....you like all that. But....what you have to ask yourself is...Should a well balanced mentally stable person who wants to lead a productive and content life want to do these kinds of things to themselves?
I know you're probably thinking what the hell, this chick is just the pot calling the kettle black, but no I'm not....I've been doing this for so long, and I will try to keep anyone from turning to this form of hell for contentment or comfort, and I will try like hell to help anyone who does injure themselves stop. I work hard at stopping and it is not easy, believe me, up until last wednesday i had went a whole 13 days without cutting myself, and I was so pleased, but then the bottom fell out and before I knew it the knife was in my hand and I was getting stitched up. Did it make me feel better? No,not really, it just caused me even more pain and stress, because now I have to go to a group that I don't want to, and I have people literally calling me multiple times a day every damn day to make sure I haven't cut or killed myself.
so is it worth it....not for me.