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Old 03-21-2009, 08:54 PM   #1
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papillon09 HB User
s/h foster child of christian foster parents

please- i need some help

I need to know how to approach my foster mom about self-harm.
She used to be sympathetic to me about it- which i didn't like or want but i preffered it to how she is now.

A christian speaker came to see her and talk to her about some issues and they told her that self-harm is just a way to get attention, and if i ever need to go to hospital for any self-harm again, she is not to come with me- i am to go on my own.

This may not sound a big issue to some of you, but, i am scared to go out alone.

Ever since the my foster mom spoke to this christian speaker, its like she has gone 'cold' to my problems

I just need advice really...sorry!!

 
Old 03-21-2009, 10:40 PM   #2
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katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: s/h foster child of christian foster parents

I noticed your multiple diagnosies in yoru signture, I'm assuming your foster mom knows about these?

Have you talked to her and told her your scared and that you don't want to SH/SI but you don't know how to stop, and your scared at the thought of having to get yourself to the hospital for care by yourself. Sometimes direct communication can be the best way.....

It seems wierd that she was sympathetic to your problems on minute and then one visit from a christian "speaker" and now she doesn't have anything to do with them. I'm sure she's still very worried about you, but probably just doesn't know how to handle the situation or what to do. I would almost bet all I have on it, handling Sh/SI is probably harder for our loved ones and those who take care of us then it is for us sometimes, it doesn't come with a guide book, and it's got to be very confusing and hard to understand, so tyring to know what the right thing to do it, or how to do it, has got to be expecially hard.

Try talking to her, bite the bullet, pick a calm, quiet afternoon where the two of you can talk uninterrupted and tell her how you feel, you might evern try to explain to her what leads you to self harm, if your able, and explain that even though we try to stop, it's just not that easy.

kat

 
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Old 03-22-2009, 03:16 AM   #3
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aimee21 HB User
Re: s/h foster child of christian foster parents

Hiya hun

Talking to a parent of family member about SI is never easy and sadly doesn't always have the outcome we hope for. They rarely need to be told that their loved one is cutting or harming themselves coz as much as we may try to cover it up people closest to us always notice. My mum knew that I SI'd but she didn't understand it and couldn't deal very well at first. I found it helped to sit down with her and tell her how am feeling in my dark moments when all I wanted was to hurt... maybe this is what you need to do with your foster mum?

Like Kat said its often too hard on loved ones to deal with this kind of thing... some think they can shame you into stopping by shunning you or lecturing you, or even by pushing their own grief in your face and hope to guilt you into 'behaving'. Bear in mind that this is hrad on your mum too, and maybe shes just trying to find a way to deal with her pain, tell her how she isn't helping you and only making you feel alone and afraid, which is something you really don't need to be feeling right now.

Gotta say though that what that speaker said is a load of bull in most cases. People who SI don't 'do it for attention' and will go to great lengths to conceal what they are doing. I heard someone describe SI as "a way of communicating an inner scream that cannot be put into words"....

Keep your chin up love and remember that you aint alone, were all here to talk with you about your ups and downs ok?

Aimee xxx

 
Old 03-22-2009, 05:24 AM   #4
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Re: s/h foster child of christian foster parents

Hey,
I know it's hard bringing religion into the mix of sh, as a christian myself i'm pretty sure i can imagine what they told your mom, i'm sorry she isn't sympathetic to what's going on anymore, it's crazy how people act when they don't know what to do.
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