I was in an impatient ward for 6months last year and in that time i SI more severely than before. Although i had cut deep before, i cut deeper and more often in the unit.
Although it has been 5 months since coming out-(and i haven't SI on that part of my body since) my scars have been so very painful. I cannot touch my left arm without it hurting. I have tried may things- ibruprofen gel, bio oil, pressure bandages etc, and nothing helps at all.
These are old scars. They are all healed. But when i was in the unit and i severely SI'ed despite the fact they said (each time) that it needed stitched, they didnot take me to get it stitched as they did not have enough staff- and so they steri-stripped it.
Does anyone have scars that hurt? Or have had plastic surgery for their scars etc?
(i still SI, but not on my arms- i have found that they are too hard to cover- especially in summer when people expect you to wear Tshirts/vest tops etc)
I agree with Katlin. You need to go to your MD. What makes me mad is that when you were IP they did not propperly take care of the cuts. They could of and needed to take you in for stitching. It is no excuse that there was not enough staff. Furthermore, they were not keeping you safe while you were IP from SI. The purpose of IP is to keep patients safe from harm, and they were not.
If you were severely harming yourself worse then ever IP then it was ot helping you at all being in treatment. Does not sound like a good program at all. Sorry you had to go there. PLease go to a MD and see whats going on with your painful scars. I do not think they are healed all the way. They should not be hurting if they are all the way healed.
yeah, i guess i will. I just didnt want to go to the dr and then he say that it is normal and it is my own fault etc etc.
When i was an inpatient, they treated anyone who SI or was suicidal like they were a joke- although another girl who was in there for anorexia was treated with much care/support/sympathy/consideration etc.
I was not allowed home in my time there until 2 weeks before i was discharged. It made you want to SI more, and as there were people there on home leave, they would bring us razors in from home and we would pay them for them. It was not a good place at all.
My foster mom was thinking of suing the hosp on the grounds of neglegence (<<not sure if that is spelt right)
I also haven't gone to see yet as i absolutely hate people seeing my arm- especially after staff in the unit were so horrible about it and took no care in being careful when dressing the injuries.
Sorry, i dont mean to pour stuff out...i did start to say to explain about the hosp, but then loads just fell out onto the page...sorry!!
I can't believe you were able to SI. When I was IP for a suicide attempt I was basically all but strip searched, had a 24 hr. sitter until I got off the med floor and put onto the psych floor and had absolutely nothing that I could SI with. My pdoc had to write an order so that I could have a rubber band to wear on my wrist to snap myself. They did forget to take off one ring that had a metal point and I managed 1 good cut before they discovered it and took it away. but they were very nice/caring/compassionate the whole time, just very strict and controlling at the same time. I guess it's just a difference in states and hospitals.
well, i was on 1 2 1 for much of my time (meaning i wasn't even allowed in the bathroom to go to the toilet or wash without a member of staff in there with me.) for some of my time i was on suicide watch, where i was in an empty room, i had to take off my socks, bra, any clothes with long sleeves which could have been used as ligitures etc, and still managed to harm myself a little bit (not to the usual extent) with an ear ring!! but lukily (well, for me it was lucky) there was alot of agency staff working there who didnt know all the rules/regulations and so me and another girl used to plan things, like one of us distract the staff we were with while the other takes a china cup from the kitchen ( as the kitchen door was faulty) and run to our room to smash it. We would then share it. I realise now this was the wrong thing to do- but i felt i understood how she felt, and so i helped her ad she helped me.
I a just so very glad my friend in there did not cut herself severely!!
Yeah you were in a very different situatioin, on our ward there was no kitchen, just rooms with attached bathrooms. Nothing in the rooms, just a bed and small table, nothing in the bathroom, not even a real mirror, just reflective metal, no shower curtain or the likes. Our clothes sat in our bag on the table. The door was not allowed to be closed all the way at night and I was on suicide watch the whole time, meaning someone came and checked me at night every 20 minutes, so much for sleep.
I only stayed for 5 days because I refused to go to any groups and didn't sleep at all, my pdoc got me out and took me on his "watch" I had to see him at his office 2 x a day everyday including weekends, and then once a day after the first full week, for the next week and by then the suicidal ideation had passed and I was back to my normal BiPolar depressed self.
Interesting experiences u guys have had. I have been in several Hospitals .... Mostly as a teen. Spent 2 years in a few back to back in them, and in a state Hospital. At my worst I had to sleep in the hallway, and sit out there too with nothing. I'd "act out" the cutting on my own without doing so cause they took everything away. It was awful for a while .
Before i was in the State Hospital I was in a different Hospital and did Si there, did cutting with a paper clip, and also "learned" to burn there as well. age 16. I spent a lot of time in the quiet room . Horrible memories . Hated that place. 4point restraints were often used as well, and it sucked ***. It should of been called Hell. It did not make teens better, just worse. At least some of us got worse. I saw them end up going to Oregon State Hospital too.
to this day I still do not know why I had to stay so long . I went to a group home after that until i phased out of the system.
I can't believe all these stories I'm hearing about different hospitals you guys have been to... its shocking that people who are supposed to care for other human beings are not more compassionate and caring! I know not all hospitals are like this but what I've read just makes me sick and very angry.
Its a grim fact though that people who SI are often not taken very seriously by 'professionals'. They are many people out there with anorxeia (is that right lol) and other disorders which are also self inflcited and yet they are treated like they should be... as people with problems who need help. SI sufferers are often seen as time wasters and attention seekers and treated as freaks... it makes me so mad. There needs to be more awareness made on SI... if there was perhaps suicide rates in young people wouldn't be so high!
I agree though that you should ask a doctors opinion and if he/she makes you feel like your wasting their time then in reality they are wasting your time and you should go see someone else. Scars that old shouldn't normally hurt but then again everyones body is different and maybe yours is just taking a while to heal? Some of ym old scars (and I havn't SIed in over a year) still itch a little now and then but there not sore.
As for covering them up its not an easy thing to do but I decided to get a half sleeve tattoo to cover mine and my tattoo artist has done a great job.
Kep your chin up love and keep talking to us on here... were all here for ya ok?
Your anger at out injustices and everyones for that matter is greatly appreciated, you are truly a very compassionate and caring person.
The sad thing is the 2 hospitals that I have been in are 2 of the best in the country, UNC Chapel Hill, and Duke. I must be fair, and UNC I had a male nurse, he was 47 yrs. old, a lovely man from Spain. He was the most caring and compassionate man I've ever met. and believer after having been molested by my father as a child, and beaten by my husband repeatedly, men are not my favorite species. Anyways this male nurse would come to my room in the evening to check and make sure I was still alive, like they did every 20 min. and one evening around 7 he sat and talked told me about his family his kids, asked me about mine, what I did for a living, etc. Just normal conversation; he treated me like the normal intelligent person that I was. Then he took me down the hall and showed me this relaxation room that he had made for the patients. It was a great room, small with just a couch and recliner in it, but the whole room was painted to make it look like you were in the middle of the mountains, and you could turn on whatever soothing music of several choices. You could just close the door and relax and let all the stress, anger, fear, whatever awful things you were thinking or feeling go away for a while, he had painted it himself, it was great. He also kept me supplied with rubberbands so I could wear them on my wrist and try to keep the cutting urges at bay. He did everything he could each evening to make me feel comfortable and lessen the suicidal thoughts and the self injury thoughts. He didn't harass me for not going to group meetings during the day like the day nurses did, he just treated me like a normal person.
One other person that I appreciate is the Doctor that I see at the Urgent Care Center that I go to when I cut myself bad enough that I need stitches. I go to the same one, and see the same dr. each time, he also treats me like a patient, a person. He talks to me each time, he cares, he doesn't condemn, or be indifferent, or belittle me. He has actually walked in the hall and threatened to fire 2 of the nurses when they were standing out in the hall gossiping about me and didn't know he was in the room, when he came back in he apologized profusely, and I just said it's no big deal, I'm used to it, and he said, "you shouldn't have to be, no one should be used to being treated like that ever!" The one thing he does do is insist that I call my pdoc from the room before I leave, and if that's the least I have to do for the care that he gives me, I do it. I'd call my pdoc anyway so where is not a big deal.
I know that I am very lucky to have found a dr. like this and I remember that every day.
thanks to both of you for your support.
i now have been trasferred to the adult mental health team- which so far, i cannot tell if they are any nicer/better/more caring as i have only met my care co-ordinator once, never met my new psychiatrist and i'm meeting my new psychologist next week.
I really hope they help me more.
I have been si'ing for 6 years and ever sice people found out, not one person has had true sympathy, all have told me to stop attention seeking or to stop being silly or stupid- except my foster mom at first- although now she has gone 'cold' to the problem.
I do feel that my time in hospital was a massive waste of my time, and i believe i would have been better off around people i knew- as i was 2 1/2 hrs away from home.
But... i guess i will get through it...
Have you tried talking to you foster mom like we suggested and explaining to her that unlike what the supposed christian lady said you're not just trying to get attention and you really do have a problem, and you're hurting and scared and you could really use her support. And even though it won't be easy and you won't be able to trust her all the time, you'd like to try? That might go along way towards building a relatinoship between the two of you. Theres no way she can know that you want her support unless you tell her, she can 't read you're mind.
How does the whole care team thing work? Is that an outpatient program?
The truth is my experience with doctors as far as SI goes is pretty minimum. I had to have stiches a few times but after the first doc I saw I refused to go to hospital again. I was lucky enough to find a GP who was caring and treated me like a person instead of a freak.
Its only really recently since reading so many stories on here that I'm realising how much people who SI are scorned and belittled by medical professionals. I know that people in general can be quite nasty when they see others with scars (as I know from experience). I wish something could be done to raise awareness of SI, as its so common but people stay quiet about it because they've been made to feel ashamed when really we don't have anything to feel ashamed about. As harsh as this may sound.... how often will a doctor turn to a patient with smoking related cancer and say "your wasting everyones time because you chose to start smoking and look where its got you". Its the same principle really.
I hear where you're coming from but this disorder will never be accepted as a "real" mental disorder by the public. I also have BiPolar disorder which is and has been known as a Real Mental Disorder and it still carries a major Stigman in the public eye. So they're are just somethings that we have to learn to live with and deal with by ourselves with the support of our pdocs/tdocs/support groups and whatever friends we have.
I hope one day it will be recognized as 'real'. Up until the last couple decades, rape was thought of as attention seeking and that the girls 'must have asked for it'. Maybe I'm just hoping for something that will never happen...
Well we can't give up hope on any of the mental disorders becomeing non-stigmatized public realities. Unfortunately anything prefaced by the term mental scares people, and fear tends to begat stupidity....but maybe someday education will lend itself to acceptance of these disorders.
Yeah, i have talked to mom and practically said everything you have just asked me if i said- and she just replied that the lady that told her knew better as she had been through it and she works with people who do it... i guess that yet again i dont fit in with this household either.
Maybe i'll fit in when i live by myself and dont socialize!!
i too agree that SI needs to be taken more seriously. I mean, why would people try their hardest to hide their scars if they were just attention seeking??
I answer to Kat, yeah the care team is an out-patient program. There are people around in my home town, as well as around in the town where my college is incase i need someone.
Well hun, I am so very sorry that your mom is so closed minded and is choosing to belive someone else and not listen to you and your pain. How long do you have before you go off to college? The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to take advantage of this outpatient program and gain as much from it as you can and try as hard as you can to learn some alternative coping skills to fight the urges to harm yourself. I posted a post on here with some alternative coping skills if you want to read it and try some of them when you have the urge to harm yourself. The key is to take it a day at a time and do the best that you can. You don't have to have your mom's support to beat this, I know it might be easier, but it's not absolutely necessary, you can do it.
I'm here if you need to talk, or rant, yell, whatever. Please just don't give up, as easy as it is to do so sometimes, just keep fighting, your worth it.