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Old 05-06-2009, 03:30 PM   #1
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is cutting as bad as it seems

i have been causing harm to my self for around 5 years i guess i started out biteing and scratching till i would bleed and went to cutting wheni realized how much more soothing it was and easy to control and do when i get sad and down and lonely and i know im the most worthless person in the world i dont even know why i was born im just in everyones way i start to cut i always wake up and know the day is ruined its terrible i get up do my morning thing go to work work for as long as i can usually about an hour of slowly walking around and i go to the bathroom and cut my leg just enough to feel it and watch the blood i dont know why it just makes e feel so much better its a relief and through out the day i can put my hand in my pocket and rub it and poke it just for that stinging sensation its so nice so is it really terrible to cut if im the only one to see the scars and i dont do so much damage i cant handle it on my own and its free

 
Old 05-06-2009, 07:41 PM   #2
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Re: is cutting as bad as it seems

Quote:
Originally Posted by pb1986 View Post
i have been causing harm to my self for around 5 years i guess i started out biteing and scratching till i would bleed and went to cutting wheni realized how much more soothing it was and easy to control and do when i get sad and down and lonely and i know im the most worthless person in the world i dont even know why i was born im just in everyones way i start to cut i always wake up and know the day is ruined its terrible i get up do my morning thing go to work work for as long as i can usually about an hour of slowly walking around and i go to the bathroom and cut my leg just enough to feel it and watch the blood i dont know why it just makes e feel so much better its a relief and through out the day i can put my hand in my pocket and rub it and poke it just for that stinging sensation its so nice so is it really terrible to cut if im the only one to see the scars and i dont do so much damage i cant handle it on my own and its free
Yes, cutting is that bad, for many reasons. There are other coping mechanisms that can be learned to help you deal with you pain and sadness, stress, fear, etc. than cutting. You see one of these days when you've had a particularly bad day just a little cut on your leg won't be enough, you'll start making bigger and deeper cuts, perhaps on different parts of your body, you'll end up with scars that are impossible to explain, trust me. And sooner or later you'll end up with a cut that's too big and too deep and you'll have to go and get it stitched up. You see cutting like smoking, drinking, drugs and self destructive behaviour advances, you need more and more. And as your stress levels go up or you fell worse about yourself you'll cut more an more. And goign to get stitches for a self inflicted wound is not fun, I've had to get stitches 5 different times in the last 9 months. You'd be surprised how easy it gets out of control, even though you think you've got it under control now. The best thing to do is get a psychologist or therapist that you can go to for therapy and talk these things out instead of cutting.

I've been cutting myself on and off for the past 27 years, but for the past year and a half it's been constant almost daily and I would give anything in the world if I could stop, but it's not that easy. I curretnly see a pdoc, tdoc and go to a DBT group to try and stop these behaviours.

Please think about this, and consider talking to someone about it because it can very easily become out of control.

kat

 
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Old 05-06-2009, 09:21 PM   #3
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Re: is cutting as bad as it seems

Quote:
Originally Posted by pb1986 View Post
i have been causing harm to my self for around 5 years i guess i started out biteing and scratching till i would bleed and went to cutting wheni realized how much more soothing it was and easy to control and do when i get sad and down and lonely and i know im the most worthless person in the world i dont even know why i was born im just in everyones way i start to cut i always wake up and know the day is ruined its terrible i get up do my morning thing go to work work for as long as i can usually about an hour of slowly walking around and i go to the bathroom and cut my leg just enough to feel it and watch the blood i dont know why it just makes e feel so much better its a relief and through out the day i can put my hand in my pocket and rub it and poke it just for that stinging sensation its so nice so is it really terrible to cut if im the only one to see the scars and i dont do so much damage i cant handle it on my own and its free
That's the the whole problem right there. It's the relief one feels afterwards.. from the experience of self harm. Doing often enough becomes harder and harder to stop, before long, it gets worse, and worse. Yes it is as bad as it seems, if not worse. A slip too deep, then you need stitches, and it is embarrassing, to say the least. Then those scars last forever. Self harm is a ***** to stop doing once ingrained , and once depending on for so long >i've done this far too long , and it is NOT good . Evn when hidden the horrible scars are gross. AND perm. Nobody ever told me that self injury could become this severe, ever. Yet, it has. it is better not to ever start, and if you can, on your own, STOP now, and leave it, wal away, don't look back. Quit and don't dp it anymore to yourself. Cause that is best to do. I wish to God I could turn back the clock, and never had started up . Right now I am in tremendous pain, and fighting back SI results too, and SO , it is not worth it .It is as bad as it seems. Really it is.
Cathy

 
Old 05-06-2009, 10:18 PM   #4
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Re: is cutting as bad as it seems

i used to cut in the past it was much worse than now i have many scars on my arms and shoulders i do hate it but no one sees its such a relief after the first cut of the day its like a mountain was lifted off my shoulders what do you do when you know something is wrong but you just dont care you just dont care enough to do anything about it you really really want to but it doesnt matter am i really that weak and useless

 
Old 05-07-2009, 06:50 AM   #5
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Re: is cutting as bad as it seems

Quote:
Originally Posted by pb1986 View Post
i used to cut in the past it was much worse than now i have many scars on my arms and shoulders i do hate it but no one sees its such a relief after the first cut of the day its like a mountain was lifted off my shoulders what do you do when you know something is wrong but you just dont care you just dont care enough to do anything about it you really really want to but it doesnt matter am i really that weak and useless
It does not mean you are weak and useless. Self harm is a means of coping. And yes, it is a relief> This is what the problem of SI is. Therapy helps because talking about ones problems is better then taking out on oneself all the time. I am also working on it, and there is no easy answer.
Not caring enough to do anything about it, because you know that Self injury is always there to turn to when things get bad, right? Before long, there are way too many cuts, scars, and it becomes noticable, and obvious. Too hard to hide anymore, and what to say about them?
It is something to think about.
Cathy

 
Old 05-07-2009, 10:44 AM   #6
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Re: is cutting as bad as it seems

One of the way's my tdoc says it is, your upset because your father sexurally molested you and your mother physically abused you, both the people hurt you reapeatedly endlessly...now you're having to deal with it, it is fair to you to deal with it by hurting yourself more?

This is why we learn alternitave coping skills as opposed to the ****** ones we learned as a child. I ofter get mad at my tdoc and pdoc about things, and when I apologize to my pdoc, he'll say don't apologize I'd rather you take it out on me instead of taking a knife and hurting yourself!

There are other ways to deal with your pain and frustrations besides hurting yourself.

kat

 
Old 05-07-2009, 12:26 PM   #7
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Re: is cutting as bad as it seems

I have to agree with what the other people have posted on this thread. If I had ever known that SI-ing would ever be this bad, would ever take over so much of my life, I never would have started in the first place. What helps me to not SI right now is to look at my past, look at all of the trouble SI has caused and try to remember how aweful I felt after I SI-ed, even if I had peace in the moment. For me SI ruined my college career, my swimming career, my dreams of becoming a physical therapist...Every time I have the urge to SI, I try to remember these things and look at my life now to see what would be ruined that I haven't already ruined. My relationships, my attempt at a new career in nursing, the trust that I've gained from my parents/therapist...I know that if I started SI-ing again these things could and probably would be lost. The hardest part is remembering these things and how much I need them in the moment.

So maybe it sounds stupid, but actually write out on paper (or type out) the things you have going for you, no matter how small, and imagine how cutting could ruin these things if it continues. For me something as stupid as thinking about my cat and who would take care of her if I died is something I have to put on the "cons" side of the pros and cons of cutting. Having it written out makes it available for you to look at in the moment. Maybe it will trigger something that will help you stop cutting.

It is a sh*tty thing to start up. Plain and simple.

I know it is hard to not feel hopeless and worthless, but I do believe that everybody means something to somebody in this world. Even if it is just a cat. Or fish. I know my fish depends on me to feel him. (Stupid, I know, but who would feed him otherwise?)

Try your best because that is all you can do.
-Amanda

 
Old 05-07-2009, 03:30 PM   #8
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Re: is cutting as bad as it seems

thank you all for your wonderful advice and prompt replies i have smoke weed for many of years now and i thought just maybe if i stop it would be better i havnt smoked for 4 days now (i know big deal) but everything is just gets worse and worse the slightest emotion i feel makes me cry i dont think i have cried in months and now everything is so overwhelming

today i cut again i got to work on time but my manager was an hour and a half late and i was sitting outside the whole time because we were supposed to open the store at 7 am but when he got there he was so furious he raised his voice at me and wanted to know why i didnt call anyone when no one showed up i didnt know what to do i shouldnt have been so selfish and just called it flat ruined my day and i sat in the bathroom and cut 7 times when i got inside

 
Old 05-07-2009, 03:33 PM   #9
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Re: is cutting as bad as it seems

PLease..... PLEASEE think of your future..
I know its hard and cutting helps to make you feel better.... but I have contacted many sugeons and none of them can do much about ANY of my scars... all up my left arm.
Think about your relationships in the future.... and your life ahead of you.
I am having such a hard time explaining why I did this to people... and people will judge you forever because of it.. ITS NOT WORTH IT.
Please stop or try to stop yourself... do the best you can please.
You will thank yourself later....

 
Old 05-07-2009, 03:52 PM   #10
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Re: is cutting as bad as it seems

you are starting to scare me i wish i could just talk to someone i just know the few people i have told think im lieing or dont care i dont know maybe it is just me do i have a bigger problem im not seeing that is milking my cutting habit dont get me wrong i would love for the scars to be gone i wouldlove to not cut but ijust think about paying someone to talk to paying someone togive me meds paying someone to do this or that money is a huge worrie and worrieing about it sparks more problems is there such a thing as an anonymous email or anything along those lines i just want to talk and not get told its going to be ok or your gonna be alright its not going to be its went on to long for me to believe the lies anymore

 
Old 05-07-2009, 07:47 PM   #11
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Re: is cutting as bad as it seems

Quote:
Originally Posted by pb1986 View Post
you are starting to scare me i wish i could just talk to someone i just know the few people i have told think im lieing or dont care i dont know maybe it is just me do i have a bigger problem im not seeing that is milking my cutting habit dont get me wrong i would love for the scars to be gone i wouldlove to not cut but ijust think about paying someone to talk to paying someone togive me meds paying someone to do this or that money is a huge worrie and worrieing about it sparks more problems is there such a thing as an anonymous email or anything along those lines i just want to talk and not get told its going to be ok or your gonna be alright its not going to be its went on to long for me to believe the lies anymore
So sorry your boss got angery and yelled at you, then it set you off/internalized it which stressed you out enough for you to Self harm. 7 more times cutting yourself at work. This is what we are all talking about here. All of us completely understand how you are feeling and dealing with stuff in your life becasuse it is the same way we do > not because of our boss, however, it is for other crap in our lives, and we turn to self harming as a means of coping , but then it becomes worse and worse, not easier to stop doing... The pain is not felt anymore it is numbing, and then unfortunately many of us have had gone too far with SI>
Which in turn is very, very dangerous, leads to complications. Infections, stitches, not treated well, dr's thinking it was a suicide gesture, getting placed on a Psych Hold, it is a bad experience... AND if the cuts are not taken care of propperly the risk of something bad happening becomes serious fast. Even though I am not a cutter, anymore, I do SI, and have done severe damage, and dangerous crap too many times, and lots of pain from self harm a lot , right now one arm is wrapped from wrist to elebow, had to be looked at by burn unit, out patient two days ago/who everyone there KNows me by name.... because of all the Self damage of years of this, and causing major severe maasive trauma ... with perm. major scarring and loss of moblity. ALL from Fu**** self injurious behaviors> not done all at once either, and still doing so as well... on a diffferent scale, though, however, SI is SI, my point is , to please try to get into therapy, talk to a good therapist. You will feel better. There are no medications to treat self harming behaviors. But if your depressed or something that can be treated.
Cathy

 
Old 05-08-2009, 05:37 PM   #12
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Re: is cutting as bad as it seems

Quote:
Originally Posted by pb1986 View Post
you are starting to scare me i wish i could just talk to someone i just know the few people i have told think im lieing or dont care i dont know maybe it is just me do i have a bigger problem im not seeing that is milking my cutting habit dont get me wrong i would love for the scars to be gone i wouldlove to not cut but ijust think about paying someone to talk to paying someone togive me meds paying someone to do this or that money is a huge worrie and worrieing about it sparks more problems is there such a thing as an anonymous email or anything along those lines i just want to talk and not get told its going to be ok or your gonna be alright its not going to be its went on to long for me to believe the lies anymore
It doesn't have to be a money worry, in your county you can try and dial 211 thats the mental health hotline and if there is one they can get you in contact with free health services. If not then you can call your countly health services during the day and the can tell you who to contact to see about free therapy or psychiatric care.

kat

 
Old 05-08-2009, 05:45 PM   #13
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Re: is cutting as bad as it seems

So far you've given us a lot of excuses and reasons why you can't or don't want to stop cutting, and believe me I understand that. I just started a DBT Group last week on demand from my psychologist and we've discovered is the fact that I've had cutting to fall back on for 27 years and throughout the next year I'll be learning how to completely stop cutting. And to think that I won't be able to cut, when I've done it for so long, it scares the hell out of me....but the fact that I've had to get a total of 52 stitches over 5 different cutting incidents in the last 9 months scares the hell out of me too, because it just mean that the cutting is gettin worse, excallating, increasing in severity and intensity. See I always say, "I can control it, I'll keep it under control..." but it's getting to the point where I can't control. In February I almost completely slashed through my wrist, I was only an inch away when I finally snapped to what I was doing and it took a while at the hospital to get the bleeding under control. So these are just some things you might want to think about.

k

 
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