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Old 05-07-2009, 02:32 AM   #1
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Would you want a stranger to say something nice if they see you have cuts?

I know I should probably mind my own business, but there's a (college-aged) girl who works at a cafe by me (I'm a similar age), and a few weeks ago, I saw cuts on her arm. Normally I would mind my own business (and I did-- said nothing) but I wondered why she would deliberately wear short sleeves that day. I wondered if she might have felt "desperate" for someone to reach out to her that day. I wished there was a way I could have said, "I'm your friend and am here for you if you want to talk," but we are strangers. She only knows me because I'm a customer she takes orders from once or twice a week. But if she needs a friend, I wish there was a way I could tell her I think she's the best barista I've ever met, and she's really cool, and I think of her as a friend!
So I guess there was really nothing I could say or should have said, but do you think deep down she wanted someone to say something? I'm just trying to understand how to help people. I understand why people do this, but not what they want when they don't hide the injuries. Maybe I should have said something nice to her but not mentioned the cuts? Or would that have made her feel bad, because she'd think I was only being nice because I saw them?
I just think about her a lot and wish I could help.
Thank you for your thoughts.

Last edited by plasva; 05-07-2009 at 02:34 AM.

 
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Old 05-07-2009, 08:03 AM   #2
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Re: Would you want a stranger to say something nice if they see you have cuts?

This may have been someone who use to have had a problem with self injury. And has overcome it. This would explain why she does not hide her scars anymore. Scars of self injury do not disappear, and the deeper they are stay for long periods of time. People are now very aware of why cutting is all about these days.
Sometimes, when a person has recovered from cutting, there is no need to feel ashamed of the fact they had struggled with it before , and now that that part in her life is over, and she has moved on, she can focus on her job, college and more important things that matter to her.
I am certain that if there were fresh cuts on her arm she would not be working in a cafe serving customers drinks . That would be placing people at risk , because the cuts would be open wounds> Ect.
You are , however, correct about self injury. Most of the time Self harmers do hide their injury's especially when the cuts are new. Not all Self harm is with cutting though. I do not cut, nobody suspects what I do is self inflicted because of the nature of the injuries. Unless people who are close to me, and really know me. NOT a stranger.... AS I mentioned before Cutting is the most common method of self harm> But not the only method .

 
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Old 05-07-2009, 11:52 AM   #3
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Re: Would you want a stranger to say something nice if they see you have cuts?

I don't always wear long sleeved shirts anymre, I have scars, deep ones, they're nevere going to go away ans somedays when it's 98 or higher it's just too hot. Do I want someon to comment on it NO, it's none of their darn business. People should worry about their own problems and leave others alone. If someone comes to you for help that one thing, but to think that just because soemone is not hiding every little scar, they want you to ask and support their problem, that is very presumptious.

I pay a pdoc and tdoc to listen to my problems and help me I don't need strangers to do it. The only time I ever let a stranger have a conversation abuot my cuts is when I go to the UC to get stitches, I see the same Doc, he's very nice and compassionate, and I'll talk to him, but that's it.

kat

 
Old 05-08-2009, 12:53 AM   #4
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Re: Would you want a stranger to say something nice if they see you have cuts?

Hmm, I should have been more clear.
These were not scars but more recent cuts that had scabbed over.
Yes, I was really surprised she had not been asked to leave work or cover them up.

 
Old 05-08-2009, 01:15 PM   #5
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Re: Would you want a stranger to say something nice if they see you have cuts?

Quote:
Originally Posted by plasmodiumovale View Post
Hmm, I should have been more clear.
These were not scars but more recent cuts that had scabbed over.
Yes, I was really surprised she had not been asked to leave work or cover them up.
That's a health concern > I , as a customer, would never want to be served by a worker who had open "scab" wounds on her arms working in a food establisment. That is disgusting.
NO , i would not want anybody saying anything about the self harming either. ANd I am shocked as hell that this girl would be allowed to work in a cafe! Now i am thing she was probably hot, running aroung while at work> Still no excuse whatsoever! open sores ! EWWW

 
Old 05-08-2009, 06:31 PM   #6
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Re: Would you want a stranger to say something nice if they see you have cuts?

Quote:
Originally Posted by plasmodiumovale View Post
Hmm, I should have been more clear.
These were not scars but more recent cuts that had scabbed over.
Yes, I was really surprised she had not been asked to leave work or cover them up.
I guess my main question is How Do you know that she cut herself? How do you know these were'nt from an accident? And if they were have tried to send her home for cuts on her arms, that would have been major discriminations. I mean were the cut oozing and pouring pusss that was dripping in the food? Or where they just sinple scaps on her arms? I guess I'm still not sure how it was your business unles she tried to make it your business.

k

 
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