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Old 05-19-2009, 01:18 PM   #1
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pb1986 HB User
odd urges

i guess i have been a cutter for 5 years or longer on and off but for the past 6 months or so its been daily multiple times a day but these past couple weeks i have had these extream urges to cut in abnormal places for me now i want to say none of these are with suicidal intent but i get extream urges to cut the sides of my wrists and ankles where the hand meets the arm or foot to leg andin between my fingers and the back of my keens and ebows the reason why it worries me the most is i acted upon one urge which was where my kneck meets my shoulder like i said idont want to kill my self but sometimes i cant help wanting to cut in these places and i did it but what if i slip i dont know what to do im to scared to try to help my self im extreamly parinoid no one will belive why i cut or they think i will just want attention or make me feel ignorant for doing it in the first place does anyone else have these urges to cut what i would say are "vital" spots

also since as long as i can remember i have always wanted something to touch these spots maily something cold ice cold or something with an edge not sharp but an edge its soothing to me i tend to go out of my way to touch things of this nature

 
Old 05-19-2009, 02:51 PM   #2
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Re: odd urges

Quote:
Originally Posted by pb1986 View Post
i guess i have been a cutter for 5 years or longer on and off but for the past 6 months or so its been daily multiple times a day but these past couple weeks i have had these extream urges to cut in abnormal places for me now i want to say none of these are with suicidal intent but i get extream urges to cut the sides of my wrists and ankles where the hand meets the arm or foot to leg andin between my fingers and the back of my keens and ebows the reason why it worries me the most is i acted upon one urge which was where my kneck meets my shoulder like i said idont want to kill my self but sometimes i cant help wanting to cut in these places and i did it but what if i slip i dont know what to do im to scared to try to help my self im extreamly parinoid no one will belive why i cut or they think i will just want attention or make me feel ignorant for doing it in the first place does anyone else have these urges to cut what i would say are "vital" spots

also since as long as i can remember i have always wanted something to touch these spots maily something cold ice cold or something with an edge not sharp but an edge its soothing to me i tend to go out of my way to touch things of this nature
First of all but I'm really funny about titles, You are a person who cuts, you are not a cutter, cutting does not define yourself. The first thing I would do is tell someone, your therapist if you have one, a best friend that perhaps knows, a boyfriend, and trust me I don't usually throw this out first thing, but what your describing can be very very dangerous in the fact that you are talking of major bleeders. As for why you have these urges is something that you and your therapist can figure out and hopefully you have a therapist. If not I would strongly reccomend getiting one to talk to this about. Because what your talking about is a very dangerous situation or should I say it can become one in a quick amount of time. So please see your therapist or get one, and try to tell someone else that knows so that they can help you keep an eye on this.

kat

 
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Old 05-19-2009, 04:57 PM   #3
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Re: odd urges

im so terrified to go see a doctor or therapist i just know in my heart there going to think im lieing to them or something just something will go wrong and i have told one person my ex girlfriend and she says dont do it thats pretty much the extent of it i just get so depresed and that makes me cut deeper i have cut once on my neck it brings tears to my eyes to say i liked it it wasnt big and i was very carefull but i just feel something bad willhappen later down the road and i dont know what to do i regularly cut every day in "my spot" and i dont really know why anymore i dont know if i forgot the reason or if its just habitual or im addicted or obsessed i dont know grrr it makes me furious and sad and stupid and ignorant

 
Old 05-19-2009, 06:16 PM   #4
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Re: odd urges

PLacing ice on those spots maybe a better alternative then cutting. Try using this method instead. If it is soothing to you and helps you feel better, it is not harming your body like cutting would.

 
Old 05-19-2009, 09:52 PM   #5
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Re: odd urges

Quote:
Originally Posted by pb1986 View Post
im so terrified to go see a doctor or therapist i just know in my heart there going to think im lieing to them or something just something will go wrong and i have told one person my ex girlfriend and she says dont do it thats pretty much the extent of it i just get so depresed and that makes me cut deeper i have cut once on my neck it brings tears to my eyes to say i liked it it wasnt big and i was very carefull but i just feel something bad willhappen later down the road and i dont know what to do i regularly cut every day in "my spot" and i dont really know why anymore i dont know if i forgot the reason or if its just habitual or im addicted or obsessed i dont know grrr it makes me furious and sad and stupid and ignorant
Your not stupid and ignorant, you probably are sad, and angry at yourself for not being able to control this on your own, that's normal, we all feel this way at one time or another.

Therapist: they do not judge, you have no reason to fear them, they will also help you deal with your actual fear of seeing one of them and the fact that you think they will judge you or think you do this for certain reasons that are not true....I really can't specify that enough. To stop cutting without professional help is almost impossible, you need someone to listen to you to help you pull out whatever is inside you that is making you do this and to help you learn alternative coping skills instead. I'm not a marketer for therapists I promise, but after 27 years of cutting, 9 suicide attempts, 8 trips to the hospital for stitches the last one being a week ago, I know a little about this subject. I've managed to quit over the years for periods of time even for a year of two at a time. But for the last year and a half my cutting has been escalated very much, and I hate for someone to start having the same bad problems. Without my therapist I'm not sure what I'd have done by now, but I know it wouldn't have been good. So Please consider this before it gets really bad, let a professional help you, esp. since you don't seem to have a support system at home that you can rely on

kat

 
Old 05-20-2009, 07:11 AM   #6
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pb1986 HB User
Re: odd urges

thank you youknow for just even reading what i typed thats kinda a relief in its self yeah i dont really have support its more like writing my feelings down and burning it sept im telling someone and its going in one ear and out the other and i did find a phone number but i assume its going to cost more money than i have who should i call or try to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist i really dont know the huge difference sept i assume a psych would tell me to see a therapist but not the other way around i dont know i feel so taken back like its my first day of school and i dont know where to go and have no one to point the way

 
Old 05-20-2009, 09:35 AM   #7
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Re: odd urges

hey hun

how are you doing today? iv been cutting for 7years now i have got better, worse again and better again at the moment i was 3months free but i slipped up and its been about 2weeks now

i know its hard i to think about the places where you cut with out the thought of killing myself mainly my wrists

i hope you find the site helpful and its hard to ask for help i understand that

hope your doing ok take care

pixie xxxx

 
Old 05-22-2009, 04:04 PM   #8
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Re: odd urges

PB,

In most counties in the U.S. you can call your county health department and find out about free or reduced fee mental health care. That would be one place to start. The difference between a Psychiatrist and Psychologist is that a Psychiatrist is a medical doctor and he is the one who prescribes medications. A psychologist is strictly for therapy. Generally most people go to a Psychiatrist first for diagnosis, meds if needed and then some do the therapy also. So there are some places to start. Also in some counties in the U.S. you can dial 211 and they will give you information about mental health in that country.

Hope you're doing well, and I'll check in with you in a couple of days.

kat

 
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