The harder I try not to cut the more and more I want to cut. It seems like the urges just keep multiplying no matter how bad or not the day was. I'm trying to keep my tdoc happy by not cutting as much as possible, but it is so very hard. Late at night when my brain is going 90 miles an hour and i'm scared and worrying about everything that is going wrong or is bad in my life, that's when the urges are the strongest, and theres no one to keep me from using a blade....just me, and that's when I often feel my weakest.
I use my alternative coping skills, every single one of them over and over and over again. I hope that they continue to help, because if they let me down then I'm not sure what I'll do.
Kat, I'm sorry you are struggling. <<hugs>> I know you can get through it, just remember it's not for your tdoc, though she will be happy if you don't. It's for you. You are important.
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anxiety disorder
severe depression
ONH and nystagmus causing legal blindness
hypothyroid
cortizone deficient
well i've managed to go 3 days again without cutting, small steps I know but every little bit counts I guess. I'm trying not to think of too grand of measures taking it just day by day, the urges get so strong but I try my hardest to overcome them. A day at a time.....
your doing well, every day you go without is good. i know its hard, but its worth it to overcome it and live without it.
when your alone and feeling like this, stick to your alternative coping methods, i dont know what they are but, have you tried exercise? it usually tires you out and takes stress and other feelings away.
Dear kat!! just wanted to say one thing or a few? why would you want to hurt your self so bad like that? sure some thing must be bugging you ! but you can't keep on cutting your self every time some thing go wrong!!!
it seem you have alot on your mind you just need some one to help you find a way to get over that problem!!! i'm 43 yrs old and i have do some dumb things like that to back in my days. i cut the back of my leg (right leg) got 17 stitches out of that one and the doctor did'nt numb it before he stitch it either that hurt even more than the cut !!!! plus i cut my wrist when i got mad at ateacher and punched out a cube of glass on the school wall . pretty soon that all started to add up some money !!! and i just quit!!! it's not worth the pain any more. i think i was doing it for attetion from my folks and did i get it hell no!!! so please stop cutting your self there nothing worth doing it!!! sure i've been through some hard time to! but got a great life now and would like to see you have a great life too!!!
Last edited by moderator2; 07-21-2009 at 10:01 AM.
Reason: no need to discuss the positng rules
Hi Kat. I'm new to the board and dealing with a very similar problem. Time does seem to make the urges harder to fight. I've been fighting them for over 14 months, but every day has been, and continues to be, a struggle. I'm in a day program for mental illness, and the groups and counselors there help a lot, as do my friends.
Do you have people who know about your addiction and are supportive? If you do, they can be the best people to talk to when you have the itch. I know I text my friends constantly when I feel the need to cut, and they are always there to talk me down, so to speak.
BTW, I think the fact that you come online and talk about your difficulty is a good sign in your recovery. Talking about it helps, even when you may not really feel like talking. Keep it up!
I honestly believe that if I, after almost ten years of cutting, can make it this far, so can you. Please continue to reach out for help, and stay on your meds. Meds can be a total lifesaver.
Hope this helps a bit.
Kendrik
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Bipolar II
Borderline Personality Disorder
Addiction to Self-Injury
"No day is wasted in which you have learned something."
"Courage is not a lack of fear - it is doing what needs done in spite of fear."
hi kat, i'm a mom with a beautiful daughter that self harms. this is so hardd for us all to deal with. i don't understand the illness and the feeling that is gotten from cuttting, i wish there were something to get rid of the erge. my daughter likes to mosh and it helps to get some of it out. but everytime i hear the tub going ,i feel sick to my stomach worrying, is she cutting is she ok and i feel helpless. i hate the scares that bring her comfort. what can i do to help her fight the cutting it is only a matter of time before she cuts again. she has no self esteem or confidence in herself and were working on that first. i wish u all the luck and help u can get and antone that has ideas for us , i would be grateful janson40
I haven't been cutting long, but I know what you mean. My life was so perfect at one point and I was SO happy. Then all of a sudden, it all goes crashing down right in front of me. Just a few months ago I couldn't take it anymore. After church I went to my room and cried for like an hour. When I cut myself for the first time, it kinda made me happy in a weird way. I probably cut again maybe 5 or 6 times after that but i haven't even touched the blade in over a month. I also have a very violent brother.. he's 11 years older than me (27; and i'm 16). He throws things at me. Sometimes it's minor like the tv remote or something as scary as a glass lamp. I know how you feel. It's scary and you don't know what to do. But just try to stop completely. Best of luck.
I feel like I am in a similar position you are in right now. I am having extreme urges to self injure. I have been doing it for a while, but have been very good for the last year until about two months ago and then self injured for the first time in a year. Now I am constantly thinking about it. I have to use my coping skills and distract myself from my thoughts especially at night. That is when it is the worst for me. Nights. I read, watch tv, make beaded bracelets (that seems to work the best), journal. Anything to keep me from picking up an instrument to hurt myself. I am glad you shared because it makes me feel like there is someone else going through what I am going through and that I am not alone. Feeling lonely is one of the worst feelings at night and makes my urges worse. I know I don't know you, but I think I can relate to how you feel in this situation. Three days is good! Just take it a day at time. That is what I've been doing, and I've made it just past two months. I'm trying to hold on for as long as I can. I don't know how much longer that will be. I'm just trying to do my best. And I hope the same for you. Do the best you can, that is all you can do.
Hi Kat , I am so sorry things are this difficult for you right now. How did DBT work for you? I think the last time I remember was that you were in it .
You are strong, keep fighting the urges , ans use the tools you have learned to fight off Self harming.
You are important. 
Re: Very Hard to Not Cut 
