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Old 12-29-2009, 06:35 PM   #1
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Girly80 HB User
Exclamation I don't know what to do.

I'm not a usually upset person. I don't even know how to go about saying this but, I have had a really severe suicide issue. It was a result of another person very close to me commiting suicide.
That phase has passed but one of the very nasty habits I got was a cutting problem. I don't know why I can't stop and for the past three years I've struggled so badly with it. Whenever I feel down or upset I cut. I Try so hard not to. One day I cut so deep I had to have 12 stitches. Now I do this completely sober. I'm not on medication. I've gotten better.
I haven't told anyone cause I don't know how. I've realized something though. I've finally come to some sort of understanding as to why I do it.
I do it because I'm really shy and I don't say how I feel really well. And in my family I'm the oldest. Now when i was growing up my parents weren't really part of my life so we didn't have a strong connection. I was a day care child.
We don't really have a bond. Now they don't work as much and i want to get a bond with them and my little sister is jelous that i'm getting some of their attention so she gets me in some sort of trouble and gets me banished away.
And because i don't know them well they believe her.
And i start cutting. I feel horrible that i don't even fit in with my own family and i blame myself and start cutting.

How do i stop this? What can i do? How do i express myself without hurting myself. There has to be another outlet i can use? I've done this for three years and i've gotten no further with them than the day i started. What do i do?
I have to do something otherwise i'm going to keep cutting myself.
and i have tried talking to them about pushing me away. They just told me i was being dramatic and that they loved me and told me to go away. Its like they don't take me seriously and i can't face them with these cuts becasue then they will just send me away. I don't want to be sent away. But i can't tell anyone cause i know they will if they found out. (I asked my mom one of those hypothetically questions) I'm in a real pickly and i need some help....
Please.

 
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Old 01-05-2010, 02:56 PM   #2
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marcedo HB User
Re: I don't know what to do.

Hi Girly80,

It took a lot of courage to expose something like that and to ask for help. I commend you for that and that shows also that you are looking for help. Have you tried to look for help? If so what was the outcome?

 
Old 01-05-2010, 10:15 PM   #3
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Girly80 HB User
Re: I don't know what to do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by marcedo View Post
Hi Girly80,

It took a lot of courage to expose something like that and to ask for help. I commend you for that and that shows also that you are looking for help. Have you tried to look for help? If so what was the outcome?
Thanks. And yeah it did. I just don't know where to look for help :C
I want to find a group or something. Cause talking about it helps.

 
Old 01-06-2010, 02:39 PM   #4
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marcedo HB User
Re: I don't know what to do.

Do you have someone you can trust who you can talk to? Because that is the first step in getting help. But if you don't I'll definitely recommand professional help.

 
Old 01-07-2010, 01:25 PM   #5
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Girly80 HB User
Re: I don't know what to do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by marcedo View Post
Do you have someone you can trust who you can talk to? Because that is the first step in getting help. But if you don't I'll definitely recommand professional help.
What sort of professional help?

 
Old 01-11-2010, 03:26 PM   #6
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marcedo HB User
Re: I don't know what to do.

I meant like a psychologist.

 
Old 01-25-2010, 01:04 PM   #7
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evelyn123 HB User
Re: I don't know what to do.

Believe it or not, just by talking through this message board you can find the voice you've been looking for.

I think that just because your family doesn't take it seriously, doesn't mean that you are not in a serious amount of pain. You need your pain to be recognized and validated before you can start to get better. It just might not be possible for this to come from your family, but the only opinion that will ever really matter is your own.

Well, I hear you and I know the shame and embarassment that people suffer when they cut. I also know that talking about it with someone who knows what you are going through, will help; whether it be with a professional (Dr.) or someone like me. I've been cutting/picking since the age of 9 and only now am I starting to talk openly about it. I will be 29 years old this summer, and wish I had the strength and perserverence to confront this proble when I was younger.

Keep posting and remember you are never alone with this.

 
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