So close to reverting back to my old ways. Someone help me, please.
Sorry, but this is probably gonna be long, but I really need someone advice; I'm desperate.
I don't know where to go from here. I haven't cut in almost 5 months, but it's never far from my mind. Everytime I get upset my eyes wander over to where I keep my cutting stuff. So I didn't have to leave my room so no one would see what I did I kept a kit type thing in my room. Complete with my cutting utensils, gauze pads, wipes, bandages, and a bottle of water that way I could cut and then clean it up without anyone seeing it. Lately idk what to do. I want to cut so bad, you have no idea. I want someone to love me. I know that's cheesy, but I want someone to love me not just how family and friends love each other; how couples love each other. I want to know that someone cares for me and loves me for me and will always be there for me. I'm a girl, obviously. And about 2 years ago my life got turned upside down when I started developing feelings for a girl. Her name was Sabrina and she was so different from anyone I'd ever met before. She was boyish, but you could very easily tell she was a girl. She was so honest and funny and upfront and was proud of who she was. I fell so hard. And was so terrified of what I was feeling. I still pretty much inlove with her even though she's dating this * whose she's been on and off with for years. It kills me that I don't have her. I told her in october how I felt about her and she said we were still cool and everything and it was until she started dating Caitlin (the *) again after the 3rd time she cheated on Sabrina. It crushed me. I'm trying to get over her now with the help of my best guy friend, Chris. Who I'm also very much inlove with. But there's only one problem. Like everyone other guy I've had in my life; he fell for Kristina, my sister who plays with guy's hearts and breaks them and damages them. She just always needs that attention. She doesn't like Chris and she knows I do and she keeps flirting and now invited him over for Valentines day when my parent's are out of town. Great. It's so hard. You don't even understand how awful she is. I'm her sister and she purposely tries to hurt me. We've talked about it so many times which probably made things worse because she knows it bothers me and now she does it on purpose knowing that it gets to me. She's already broken Chris' heart and now she's gonna do it again. I'm trying to warn him, but I'm not too worried because she is so strong and doesn't let things like that keep him down. He deserves the best because he is the best. I want to date him so bad he knows everything. He's the only one I talk with about Sabrina and he's helped me to start to get over he, he knows about my cutting and my depression, and understands. My parent's constanly fight. My sister's a brick wall; no emotions, and my dad is a pot addict *. They all knew I cut and I stopped for them which was the hardest thing that I've ever done, but they can't treat me with the slightest bit of respect? It's not fair. I'm clinically depressed and am on meds for it, but I still want to cut; now more than ever. Please someone help me; what other ways are there to cope with all that's going on without going back to cutting again?
Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 02-12-2010 at 07:36 AM.