Afraid to get help, afraid of being hospitalized.
afraid so called professionals in my small town will talk about me.
I am a picker. I was molested at 12, I had large breasts all of my life, and men could never look me in the eye. I was self conscious for years after, I hated having breasts, I wished for cancer just to get them removed.
I had breast reduction surgery, at 13, as my breasts were causeing my shoulders to curve, and I was suicidal over class mates teasing me about large breasts.
after surgery, I felt as if one was still large, and one was smaller.
I continually picked at them hoping to cause damage enough to get them cut off. I have been depressed for years, and filled with anxiety, and picking helps to aleviate the anxiety welling up in me. its been 34 years, and I still pick at them, they have never been healed.
I want to permanently scar myself so no man wants me. but I have been married, and he was accepting of my odd behaviors, and so is my current boyfriend, and my boyfriend before him.
Anxiety wont let me stop.