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Old 05-11-2002, 12:31 PM   #1
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Coy121 HB User
Unhappy terrified to be alone again...please help....I dont' want to be who I was

I've been posting about problems I've been having with my boyfriend of six months in another topic area. Because of the all the people that have posted a relpy and my own choice I think I may end the relationship soon. I'm so afraid to be alone again though. Last time I was alone I was in a really bad position. Even after I started meds I still had a problem with cutting myself. I finally managed to stop with the help of friends family and my therapist. But since I've been thinking about ending the relationship I've had the urge to just make one little cut or just curl up and cry like I used to. I don't want to go back to being a sad lonley little girl...I've come so far from that but now I'm afraid if I lose him I'll go back. My worlds revolved around him for just over six months now and I don't know if I can handle a break up but because of the problems (I dont' want sex and he does, when I say no, He's an a**hole to me and treats me like I'm someone who takes but doesn't give..if you want the whole story go to sexual health teens and read the post "Uncomfortable with sex...is that wrong?") I don't know if I should continue the realationship or end it or what. I'm really confused and I welcome any advice.

edited for some typos

[This message has been edited by Coy121 (edited 05-11-2002).]
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Old 05-11-2002, 01:00 PM   #2
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Get out, sweetheart.
I dated a guy just like that--I'm sure he's like that in more ways than just regarding sex--my ex was. Boys like that do nothing for your self esteem, and being alone is far better than being with someone like that.
Get yourself back into therapy ASAP so you have someting to fall back on immediately other than cutting.
Hon, if you wanna talk, I'm so here for you. We can trade boyfriend horror stories! Now won't that be fun? Ha ha. But seriously. I'm an internet junkie so I'm on more often than not so I'll check back here often and see how you're doing.
Hugs for you, sweetie,
Kate

 
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Old 05-11-2002, 01:22 PM   #3
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Coy, do what your heart is telling you to do, my love. Which I think is to leave him, am I right? But don't do it because we think you should. Do it for you. Come back and chat some more. Don't get back into cutting, get some help. I know how hard it is I have the ugly scars to prove it. But you must. Please take care, Jay.

 
Old 05-11-2002, 01:28 PM   #4
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coy try to think positive wake up the morning after you ditch him and think "rite today is the start of my new life im gonna do all the things i said i would but never did, im gonna try to make amends with my ex friends and im gonna enjoy been single" l know its hard but your young and you have a future with out putting up with him, you go grab life girl GOOD LUCK

 
Old 05-11-2002, 08:13 PM   #5
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JJay, Niecsey, and ineedmore,
Thank you all so much for your support. I started to cry when I read what you answered to my post. It helps so much to know that there are people out there who will listen and help me even though they have no idea who I am. I would like to keep in touch for a while, in case I follow through with the breakup and need someone to talk to. I'm sorry to ask this of you because I'm sure you all have lives (even ineedmore says "i'm an internet junkie") thank you so much again for your posts. I'll be back in a while
thank you again! It means a lot!

------------------
~*~Coy~*~
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Old 05-11-2002, 08:49 PM   #6
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Talking

You can do it!
We'll be here for ya.
Kate

 
Old 05-12-2002, 12:52 PM   #7
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You'll do great Sometimes to move forward in life we need to ditch tings holding us back. Which in your case I would says is that cretin of a boyfriend you have. Im a guy and I cant even fathom trying to coerce my Girlfriend into having sex if she isnt ready.

I think you already know my opinion on that from your other post.

But just make yourself go out and have fun, doesnt need to be mind blowing stupendous fun, just little fun Get used to doing things by yourself again... I was in a relationship for 18 months so I know how hard it is once you get into that rythm to get out of it. But you can and will do it We all know you can.

Your gonna do great
Jason

 
Old 05-12-2002, 04:07 PM   #8
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Hi Coy,
My boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me - and I thought I would DIE - I didn't, but when I finally gave my heart to someone I liked very very much - he dumped me too. THATS when I turned to cutting and crying and hating myself and eewww - everything bad. Cutting has always been a quick-temp-fix for me - and man oh man, does it ever work - TEMPORARILY. I just got more upset with myself. On new years day - I woke up saying "Darn it - why didn't the world end overnight..." it was always like that. But I am doing much better now.

Your situation is a little different because you are making the decision to leave...and I can see just from your post that you want to. Being 'alone' is scary - but you have to realize that being 'alone' isn't REALLY being alone. I'm sure you've got a great group of friends who will take you to movies and icecream and stuff - shopping (the cure-all). It'll be okay - DO ANYTHING other than cut - because when you feel like this - you'll cut so often....just try something else - Please.

Skater4life

 
Old 05-12-2002, 04:58 PM   #9
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Katie, If I didnt know better I would swear you were my ex. Your experiences shadow mine so closely its scary, but I never dumped my ex so it cant be you She dumped my sorry *** .

but you guys are all stronger than you can ever imagine, trust me on this one. All it takes is some serious determination

Take care you guys
Jason

 
Old 05-12-2002, 08:42 PM   #10
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Thank you everyone. I finally just layed out how I feel about sex with my boyfriend and how much it upset me that he tries to get me do what he wants. All about how I'm not going to fight with him about it anymore, I don't want to be touched or anything until I'm ready and if he can't understand that then he needs to find soneone else...he agreed to try harder to not do things that upset me...I don't know if he'll stick to his word but this is his last shot. If he loves me then he'll respect me. If not, then I guess I'll have to try the single life again. It's really scary but I don't want to be in the position I've been in anymore . I keep thinking that things will get better but ya know what, they haven't and if they don't, then it's over. No matter how scary that sounds I guess I'll just have to pull through it. But thanks again, talk to you all again soon.

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~*~Coy~*~
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Old 05-13-2002, 12:37 PM   #11
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Well done Coy, that was really brave giving him an ultimatum. But do please follow it through. If he wont respect your wishes, then leave him. You seem to be a bright special young person, there will be others for you in the future. Take care- I'm with you all the way. Jay

 
Old 05-14-2002, 03:26 PM   #12
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leave him, and be alone for a while. I never understand people who have to be with someone all the time. you are an induvidual, find out who you are. I used to have trouble going in public by myself-- my therapy/cure was to go to new york city all by myself for 5 days. I just walked around the city, everyone is so busy they don't notice you, and you can find out who YOU are. good luck

 
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