I consider myself quite popular... well known, respected and feared due to my past history of connections and fights which I dominated. (don't get me wrong.. I ain't proud of any of this!)
I grew up living in Government Housing, but recently.. my family was blessed and we have moved on up. Girls are attracted to me, ect etc etc.(knock on wood)
Now heres the messed up part... I am severly depressed. I hate myself... I constantly think about ehow I'm nothing but the scum of the world adn I'm not worth the air I breath.
I constantly slice up my arms, punch my face, punch brick walls till my knucles bleed, burn myself with ciggs... and this actually makes me feel good!
Its like, when I see the blood flow out of my flesh or feel the physical... it energizes me???? Makes me feel akwardly stronger...????
My friends & GF see my slices and just ask me why? Some say I must have some up issues... and I guess they must be right!
Somebody please help me! I turn to physical pain to rid myself of emotional pain!
Please tell me... am I psyhotic? Crazy? a Lunatic? shold I commit myself to a mental hospital?
Someone please help me... thanx
[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 12-01-2002).]
first of all denny you are not mad and i wouldnt suggest commiting yopurself to a mental hospital
self harm isnt a widley talked about subject as people are scarred of it
but no matter how much people ignore it it still happens,as you can see from this message board a lot of us do it and although i am sure we all feel a bit mad sometimes we ar'nt
a lot of it is down to not being able to vent are fears angers frustrations and feelings and we turn them inward therefore harming ourselves
i think the next best step for you is to get in touch with your dr and maybe arrange some counselling?
ya i agree with blue....you arent crazy or anything like that even if it may seem like thats a good explaination at times...talk to a doc about what going on and maybe meds/theraphy may be able to help you some...
dont give up or worry you much...there is help out there for ya, if you know where to look
take care
ivy
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When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.
Hey there, how are you doing?? I really hope you're hanging in there. You're not worthless. You're not the scum of the world. You do deserve to breathe. You deserve to be happy and love yourself. Things are soooo different on the inside than they are on the outside, huh? Is there anyone that you can talk to? Make an appointment to see your doctor or see a psychiatrist. I can find you some toll free phone numbers that you can call to talk to and they can probably refer you to someone in your area. You don't deserve any of this pain that you are inflicting upon yourself. You are worth so much more than that. Keep your chin up and keep us posted. Take care.
Everyone has kinda said what I wanna say (DAAAMN)...but stuff it...u r not psychotic ro anything. To be honest...admitting yourself to a mental hospital won't exactly fix it. Seeing a psychologist- yes (providing he/he doesn't cost a fortune). They usually get to the root of the problem...and treat u as a 'normal' person...in a mental hospital they are more judgemental. But what do I know?
We are all here for you as well. Don't think u r the only person to suffer from this. Outsiders will never understand WHY it is we do it. They say "just don't cut yourself! It is simple...just dont pick up something and draw it along your skin" or whatever.
I'm one messed up FOOL... 
thanx all for replying, makes me feel good to know you all understand!
