 Life Is A Crazy Thing
Hi all. how are you? I have tried to post on here for the past two days but it hasn't accepted my password but I suppose now it does! Well it has been such a crazy week for me. My ex boyfriend found out about my cutting and it has been really messed up. He called me a freak and pushed me away when he found out and now calls me "freak girl" or "crazy mental case" in front of others. He has tolded all his friends about the cutting and even mocks me by writing with a red marker where ever I have scars. He has no respect for me now and not many people do now. I have responded well to him and just told him that he has hurt me. He was the one person I thought understood me but I was so wrong. No one really understands me as much as I try to let them. I open my heart up to people and they take a knife and stab it. But still I must press on trying to continue to find help. As for these church people 30 minutes away, they do not seem to care much. They do not know about the cutting but they know I havea deep depression but they do not reach out. All I expect is one phone call a week or even every two weeks...I asked and they promised. People really need to learn to keep promises. They promised me they would be at the pagent but did not come. Right now the only place I can retreat to is inside my own head. My family is crazy and does not help for the things going on. I wish that some of ya'll lived near me or something because maybe we could hang out and all have someone who understands. I am thankful for this board! Sadly I have gotten into cutting again and I dislike myself for that...I should have enough self control to stop but I can't now. I should have enough self control not to form addictions but I don't. Smiling when I am hurting deeply and laughing when wanting to cry I guess is what I must do now. I don't know who to trust. Thanks for listening. Love, Holly
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