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Old 02-13-2011, 06:03 PM   #1
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Can't be stronger

I used to cut myself.

I have been clean for three years now. But the scars are ever present.

I cut when I can't talk to my parents. When they won't listen to how their overprotectiveness is hurting me. I'm eighteen and a good kid an not even allowed to go over a guys house or be out past nine. They don't let me enjoy my senior year and teenage years but they feel they give ne morethan enough freedom.

I have reached my breaking point. And the little voice is back in my hea whispering for me to take a swift cut or two to ease the frustration.

I don't knowbhow to ignore it anymore. I thoght that I was rid of this. But I'm clearly not. I need help. I feel it's my only out. My home life isn't going to improve and I feel cutting is my only answer for now.

Please help

 
Old 02-15-2011, 09:14 AM   #2
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Re: Can't be stronger

Hon, I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. I know where you've been and where you are coming from, I've been there too. I have been clean since 12/15/09 with only 1 slip. It is so very important that you have someone to talk to, to get all of the "stuff" out, so that the only way for it to come out is not to cut. Can you talk to your school counselor? Or what about a family member, Aunt, Uncle, grandparent? Someone that you could explain your homelife to, explain to them how sad, hurt, upset and desperate you are and that you need someone to talk to....maybe they could intervene with your parents on your behalf and you could get to a therapist. This is very important and a very big thing, too big for you to do by yourself....you really need to find someone to talk to about all of the crap you're dealing with.

I'm here if you need to talk.

Kat

 
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Old 02-16-2011, 07:42 PM   #3
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Re: Can't be stronger

tiny,

Hi, just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. Hope things are okay. I'd like to hear from you and know how you're doing if you get a chance.

Take care...

Kat

 
Old 02-24-2011, 05:49 PM   #4
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Re: Can't be stronger

I had a slip up but I guess in a somewhat lucky way the blade wasn't sharp enough so it didn't break the skin.
Today was another terrible day with my parents. My dad told me I need to be more respectful and I'm nothing bu respectful. I would love to tell them to back off and I'm going to do whatever I wan because I'm eighteen but I respect them too much to do that even though I hate them just as much.
My grandparens know how thy are but not about the cutting. They said they'd pay for a therapist or for me to talk to my doctor especially about the depression but my parents say I don't need it and they're not going to pay for me to get help. My grandparents also don wan to intervene and risk not being able to see me in case my parents cut them of for trying to help me.
I really have no out. And seven months seems like a really long time to me to continue dealing with this. It gets harder each day and I'm so miserable and depressed. I have an amazing boyfriend that I can talk to bu I'm really scare to let him know this side of me so I haven't opened up about it yet. And I try to keep the depression at bay when I'm around him or talking to him. But I know he would understand and be there for me. I just am so scared of bringing him down with me. I don't wantto become a burden on him, especially since I know he won't always be able to save me from the depression.
But you are an inspiration to me for how long you have stayed clean and I thank you for caring. It does calm me a bit.

 
Old 02-24-2011, 06:49 PM   #5
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Re: Can't be stronger

Hey, I'm assuming that it will be 7 months before your 18? Is there anyway that your grandparents could help you out with a therapist without your parents finding out? I know how hard this is when nobody is listening to you or wants to believe you, it sucks. Just remember I will always be here for you anytime, don't hesitate to give me a yell if you need to talk, kay?

If things don't improve at your home would it be possible to move into your grandparents home when you turn 18? It really does help to be in a positive supportive place, in order to avoid the self harm. I can also give you some tips and tricks to do instead of cutting it your like, just let me know.

stay safe, and have a good nights sleep,

kat

 
Old 02-24-2011, 07:07 PM   #6
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Re: Can't be stronger

I'm eighteen. It's seven months until I go to college in the fall. I picked the furthest one away because if them.

My grandparents said they would pay for it without my parents knowing but they would find out eventaully. And I don't want them to waste their money. Seeing a doctor isn't going to change my home life which over all won't change me.

Some tips would definitely be helpil though.

 
Old 02-25-2011, 01:23 AM   #7
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Re: Can't be stronger

Actually seeing a dr. can change your home life because he/she can give you tools and advice as to how to survive through it without harming yourself. I guess I was in the same kind of situation because I staid in my marriage which was very hard and detrimental, but I staid for my children. But since all it was doing was furthering the self harm it wasn't helping them much. I ended up having to get something like 47 stitches in a 6 month period because things were so bad. It was not a good situation to be in. The i went through cbt, dbt, and ect therapies and learned how to get a hold o my depression and self hard impulses, divorced my husband and things got better. Not over night mind you, but they did get better.

Here are some of the things that my therapist used to have me do to simulate the act of cutting, but not do it:

Put 2 or 3 good size chunks of ice in a bag and hold it over the spot on my arm or leg where I would cut until it just burned like crazy.

Take a "washable" red marker and draw cuts on myself to simulate them while having a good cry over what it was that made me want to hurt myself.

Using the ice pain thing and then adding red food coloring drops to add the blood effect.

Journal, journal, journal....when you are feeling tortured inside write it down, keep a journal and get all the pain and crap out of you and put it on paper, so that you aren't carrying it around all the time.

When you're inside in the dark or in your room and things feel bleak and hopeless go outside and just take in the wonders of nature, the sunshine, flowers, trees, or the moonshine, clouds and stars just to get your mind off of it.

Stay away from home as much as possible over the next 7 months to make the time go by faster if possible.

These are just a few things that I can think of off the top of my head, I can look through my DBT stuff and find some more. Please stay safe and let me know how you are doing, 'kay?

Kat

 
Old 02-25-2011, 12:36 PM   #8
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Re: Can't be stronger

Thank you for the tips. I do keep a journal. Sometimes I jut want my parents to read it to try an get them to understand ne but I doubt they would believe any of it.

The ice also seems like a really helpful idea. It's so hard not to cut so at least feeling something and not really harmig self might be able to ease that.

Tonight a frien of mine is staying over so that I can take my mind off of this horrible week.

I really thank you for everything an for sharing your situation with me. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you and I really admire your strength.

 
Old 02-25-2011, 12:41 PM   #9
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Re: Can't be stronger

Thank you for the tips. I do keep a journal. Sometimes I jut want my parents to read it to try an get them to understand ne but I doubt they would believe any of it.

The ice also seems like a really helpful idea. It's so hard not to cut so at least feeling something and not really harmig self might be able to ease that.

Tonight a frien of mine is staying over so that I can take my mind off of this horrible week.

I really thank you for everything an for sharing your situation with me. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you and I really admire your strength.

 
Old 02-25-2011, 05:06 PM   #10
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Re: Can't be stronger

Tiny, I promise you that anything little or big that I can think of or remember that might help you to avoid the pain and struggle I've lived with most of my life, I will do so. I'm going to go through my psych notebooks that I've kept and see if they're are any more particular good tips that might help you.

I hope you have a good time with your friend. Just have fun, be a teen and enjoy yourself.

Take care,

kat

 
Old 03-14-2011, 06:34 PM   #11
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Re: Can't be stronger

Hey girl, hope you're doing okay. I miss hearing from you.

Kat

 
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