im new to this board, and want to say how impressed i am by the level of support people offer each other.
i have been self-harming for approx 20 years, and am reaching a stage of feeling more comfortable - i've been working at acceptance, self-understanding, and harm-minimising.
i am interested to hear if anyone else experiences what i regard as subconscious harmful behaviour. i'll try to explain: i make a conscious effort to stay within safe limits of injury. i konw there are certain things i must never do, and i have become quite adept at sticking within these boundaries.
I have, however, become aware that i'm havimg more incidences of little 'accidents' through being clumsy. they're the sort of things that if a person with no history of SH were to do, no one would be at all suspicious. a stubbed toe here, a knocked head there, etc.
perhaps im reading too much into these 'accidents'. i find it so hard to trust myself... i suspect myself of being sneaky!
i suppose, given that i've shosen to 'accept' low-level SH in myself, there really isnt an issue. (as long as the accidents are not exceeding the level of harm i allow).
i do like to have control over as much of my behaviour/ thoughts/ feelings as possible, so perhaps i am trying to determin whether or not these 'accidents' are volitional....
and now im tying myself in knots!!