im new to this board, and want to say how impressed i am by the level of support people offer each other.
i have been self-harming for approx 20 years, and am reaching a stage of feeling more comfortable - i've been working at acceptance, self-understanding, and harm-minimising.
i am interested to hear if anyone else experiences what i regard as subconscious harmful behaviour. i'll try to explain: i make a conscious effort to stay within safe limits of injury. i konw there are certain things i must never do, and i have become quite adept at sticking within these boundaries.
I have, however, become aware that i'm havimg more incidences of little 'accidents' through being clumsy. they're the sort of things that if a person with no history of SH were to do, no one would be at all suspicious. a stubbed toe here, a knocked head there, etc.
perhaps im reading too much into these 'accidents'. i find it so hard to trust myself... i suspect myself of being sneaky!
i suppose, given that i've shosen to 'accept' low-level SH in myself, there really isnt an issue. (as long as the accidents are not exceeding the level of harm i allow).
i do like to have control over as much of my behaviour/ thoughts/ feelings as possible, so perhaps i am trying to determin whether or not these 'accidents' are volitional....
Hi, I'm Kat, welcome to the Board. I like you have many years of SH behaviour....ummm..29 to be exact. I know exactly what you're talking about. I've been pretty much SH free since 12-15-09 except for 3 incidents. But I do find myself doing sub-concious things, I'll be watchign TV and I'll just start picking at my toe nails or finger nails, then I look down and they're a bloody mess.....I don't really feel it and don't set out to consciously do it....it just happens. Then it gets to where everytime I watch TV or read a book I "overdo" the checkign to make sure I'm not doing it....
One problem I do have is I SH in my sleep. My pdoc calls it Amnesiac Dreamstate cutting, it's happened twice and the last time earned me a trip to urgent care and 27 stitches, so I have to be careful about what meds I take. I also have BiPolar and Chronic Pain due to other medical conditions, so it gets a bit complicated.
So, I personally don't think you're reading too much into it, we can be sneaky when our bodies/brains are used to certain behaviours to handle the stresses/fears/anxiety in our lives and we take that away. Do you see a pdoc or tdoc? My tdoc used to give me some great substitue ways of tricking my body and they worked pretty good.
Hi, i read your story/ blog and i saw some of myself in you.
Im 15 years old and i harm myself and i didnt realise what i was doing to my self family and friends. I dont know what to do with myself, i can just sit the crying then i hurt myself. i would like to know how you got over harming.
reply back please.
Hi and welcome to the Boards, I hope that you can find some peace and comfort here. How did I stop cutting, wow that's a hard one. Actually I havn't quit completely, I'm not sure that I can or that anyone can completely. I have only cut 3 times since Dec. 15, 2009. The way I managed that is by having a great pdoc (psychiatrist) a great tdoc (psychologist) CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) meds, talk therapy and finally DBT(Dialectical Behavior Therapy). I also had ECT for my Bi-Polar Depression but there's not been anything proven that that helped with the self harm. Do you have a pdoc? That would be a great first step for someone your age. Do your parents know about this? If so they could be very helpful in getting you into a pdoc. If not you might want to tell them so that they could get you some help A good pdoc that offers CBT along with talk therapy and some meds would benefit you greatly. I know that Lithium in particular, even though it's a bi-polar med by historical use, has great use as a control med for self harm, it curves the urges to harm oneself.
Don't rush anything with your mom, let your feelings guide you, and let your pdoc help you decide when it might be the right time to talk to your mom. Perhaps when it is, she could go to a session with you so that your pdoc could help you explain to her whats going on. Trying to get our loved ones to understand the pain we're in and how we learn to deal with it is very hard, but it can be done....and alot of the time they shock us and are more understanding than we think they will be.
I understand, I too subsciously do things to harm myself, bumping into things, scratching against things with head and hands just for example. I think in some ways it's a a way for some to feel something, even if it's pain, rather then feel nothing at all. That's just my thought on it. Anyone else think that could be the reason?