My problem with self harming started when i was in school... I was getting bullied and no one did anything about it... i left that school, transferred to another one... that one was alright. It came to GCSE Exam time, when i started to self harm as i was scared i was going to fail as I had 2 and a half months out of school. The school caught on to it because silly me i told one of the support staff who was in my science lessons (science being the obvious place for harming to happen because of chemicals etc)
Now I have more intense problems like family fall outs, and I argue with my parents a lot as we have different views on things and they wont let me voice what i think.
I used to be able to tell a a very close friend of mine (Lucy her name is, lovely person) anything and she wouldnt tell a soul, until I told her I wanted to run away and kill myself again, she told her boss (Les, lovely man, would do anything for him). I also talked to someone at my local hang out (Sam and Julie) and they wasnt happy that I was talking to Lucy (I also think that i worried lucy a bit to much) and because of all of this, i dont feel as though i can talk to her about anything anymore.
Sometimes when she doesnt listen it makes me feel even worse in side... and sometimes that tirggers me...
should i be feeling like this as an 18 year old whos about to start university?
To be honest you shouldn't feel like you need to abuse yourself at all. Luckily your not very heavy into it at ths point. You need to talk to yoru pdoc adn let him help you through this, that would be one great strep in the right direction.
The people i trust will not listen to the full story I used to be able to tell Lucy anything but now I cant really talk to her
When I try to talk to her and she says 'go and see your counsellor' makes me feel really upset and worthless and that she doesnt wanna listen... so i decide to do these things to myself to make me feel better
I understand that she cant help me etc... but i just want her to hear me out... and maybe help me in a way she sees fit... whether that means contacting people for me... i just want her to listen... if she does listen then i might get better... if not... im sure i will get worse
You need to be able to look at this from both sides.....it's not fair of us to push our problms on our friends. These are not small everyday little things, they are big hard things to understand and handle. Honestly, we don't even understand completely why we do this to cope, but yet we expect our friends to understand and support us. It's not really fair to expect so much of them really. She's actually doing what she should....you should be talking to your counselor, that's the best thing for you.
Try not to be to hard on your friend, this is a difficult situation for everone to understand. Maybe just step back for a bit and give them some space.
couldnt she just listen though... cuz when she did listen to me... she told me she had been through similar things to me and that was how i got through it the first time... knowing that she had been through similar things to me...
Sometimes I just need someone there and then to talk to as i cant always get to see my counsellor as I have lessons which I have to attend at college, assignments to submit and production deadlines to meet (as in the media industry it is a big no no to miss deadlines)
Sadie, another thing you have to consider is that when you talk to a former self-harmer about your own self harming it can trigger them to start self harming again...it's a very tricky thing to deal with. Maybe you could talk to your friend about setting some guiidelines about what you and she can talk about, up to what point. That may be all she is able to give, that doesn't mean she's not being your friend.
Have you looked around for a support group in your area? That might be a good idea for you and a better way to preserve your friendship.